Dorothy Zbornak quotes from The Golden Girls

Dorothy

[angrily] You're not helping, Rose! It's almost as though you believe Blanche is guilty!

Rose

Well, she lied about my earrings, and then she took them. I mean, deceit, then theft--isn't murder the next logical step?

Dorothy

St. Olaf, right?

Dorothy

[explaining Kendall's murder] When Posey saw Blanche give Kendall an extra key to her room, she was furious. She slipped out of the dining room and went upstairs when she felt she wouldn't be missed. Later, there was a knock on Blanche's door. Kendall answered. Posey was there. She accused him of two-timing, he denied it. Posey takes out a knife and stabs Kendall. Then she left before anyone knew she was there. Jealousy was the motive, alright. But it was not Blanche who committed the crime. [points to Posey] There's your murderer. Posey McGlinn.

Well Ms. McGlinn, do you have anything to say?

Dorothy Zbornak, you've stuck your nose in for the last time! [attempts to shoot Dorothy; detective pulls gun away]

Blanche!

Blanche

Kendall!

Blanche, I must commend you again. I have a feeling we're in for a weekend that none of us is ever going to forget.

Blanche

Oh, I do declare! Your sweet words could charm the morning dew right off the honeysuckle!

Dorothy

That was good, Blanche. Now do Br'er Rabbit.

[after explaining Kendall's murder] Given these facts, unless somebody has something else...we've got enough to make an arrest.

Blanche

[scared] My, my, Mr. Officer...I do declare, your sweet words could charm the morning dew right off the honeysuckle!

Dorothy

Blanche, not now!

Blanche

[more scared] If not now, when?!

Blanche

[complaining about Nurse DeFarge] Dorothy, at 2am in the morning, I was entertaining a gentleman caller, when she walked in at the most inopportune time. I could have lost my balance and chipped a tooth!

Rose

You think that's bad? She came into my room when I was reenacting the plank-walking scene from Peter Pan.

Dorothy

What the hell goes on at night in this house?!!

Sophia

[to Dorothy] Thank you, Pussycat.

Oh, you're Pussycat, too?

Dorothy

I am Pussycat One. You are Pussycat Two.

Blanche

Alright, here we go, good luck ladies. [reads a ballot] Dorothy. [reads another vote] Dorothy. [reads the third vote] Dorothy. [reads the final vote, more quickly] ...Dorothy.

Sophia

Well, that's that, lets eat, I'm starved.

Dorothy

Now wait a minute! How did this happen!?

Sophia

We all voted for you.

Blanche

Well, Dorothy it's your own damn fault. Why did you vote for yourself?

Dorothy

Well, I just assumed that everyone would vote for Rose, and I didn't want a sweep to hurt her feelings.

Blanche

I guess that would hurt.

Dorothy

[voice breaking] It DOES!

Sophia

Gimme that![snatches box from Dorothy]

Dorothy

What's in the box, Ma?

Sophia

Mexican jumping beans.

Dorothy

Ma!

Sophia

Excuse me, Hispanic jumping beans.

Sophia

All right Dorothy, I'll tell you. I was married to another man before your father. It was an arranged marriage that I later had annuled.

Dorothy

And?

Sophia

And I killed him just to watch him die. What do you mean "and"!?

Dorothy

[to Sophia, after Rose explains to Dorothy that the reason she gave the ring back to Miles was because Charlie "spoke" to her in Sophia's body] You're a horrible little person.

Sophia

Come on. Like you never pretended to be possessed by someone's dead husband for a couple of laughs.

Dorothy

You know, you have really ruined Rose's relationship with Miles.

Sophia

If you could have seen her face when I talked like Charlie-- I almost wet myself!

Dorothy

Listen, you vindictive little sea monkey. You are going to tell Rose the truth.

Sophia

Or?

Dorothy

Remember Shady Pines?

Sophia

Yeah, it wasn't so bad.

Dorothy

I hear they sold it to some Germans.

Sophia

[gets up from the table and goes after Rose] Rose! Rose, wait up, Rose!

Rose

What's going on?

Dorothy

Oh, Stevie's leaving Blanche for Tokyo, Rose.

Rose

Well, I can understand that; she is a big radio personality.

Dorothy

[on her father] I felt like there was something wrong with me, like he wasn't proud of me.

Sophia

He was proud of you! In fact, I remember him saying, "Anyone would want a daughter like this." Of course, he was saying it to the gypsies.

Dorothy

[angrily] Look, I don't have to listen to this. Have you any idea how it makes me feel when you say things like that?!

Sophia

No. After I'm dead, drop me a note.

Dorothy

You know, I never had a sponge cake that was quite so......moist.

Extremely moist.

Rose

The moistest.

Sophia

I found the tea rather moist as well. [Dorothy gives her a look]

Sophia

I can't be uncomfortable too?

Rose

So how was [your date], Blanche?

Blanche

You might as well ask me to describe the glory of the great Smoky Mountains as they rise from the mist of the Carolina dawn!

Dorothy

They went to a sleazy motel.

Blanche

Or the colours of the monarch butterfly spreading its wings as it emerges from the miracle of the cocoon!

Dorothy

She got him to pay for half the room.

Blanche

Or the sturdy cypress, reaching heaven, tall and mighty and proud!

Dorothy

That one, I think, is pretty self-explanatory.

Blanche

[To Dorothy] Why would he want you when he's seen the promised land?

Dorothy

I don't know Blanche, too many squatters?