Okay, everyone, welcome to "The Day After" emergency assembly. First of all, I just want to assure you that everything is gonna be okay.
CMCoach Mellor
It will not be okay! There's nowhere to hid in a nuclear winter!
Whoa. [chuckles] What Coach means is that there could be a nuclear winter, but it definitely won't happen. Till it does. Does not, because it was just a movie.
CMCoach Mellor
That will, for sure, come true.
Look, I know a lot of you are scared that the President is gonna snap, push a button, and incinerate us all, but I assure you, it will not happen.
CMCoach Mellor
When it does, I'll be safe and snug in my fallout shelter while the rest of you mutants scrounge for cockroaches.
[Mr Glascott looks confused]
CMCoach Mellor
What, you got no argument for that one?
No, you're right. That movie has shaken me to my core. I have so many regrets.
CMCoach Mellor
You got about a week to fix 'em, Andre.
Well, let's start with that one right there. My name is not Andre. I only said it was in college to make myself seem more interesting to the ladies.
CMCoach Mellor
Let it out!
My name is Jonathan! And I love you, Lunch Lady Bernice! Are you out there?
[The students look at each other]
You're probably mashing potatoes. Oh, boy. Okay, this day is a wash.
CMCoach Mellor
Everybody go home and hug your loved ones.
[They cheer and applause]
GeoffI know I should be happy to have the day off, but I'm, like, genuinely terrified.
Me too. I feel so helpless. I never even got to party in Daytona.
[Adam returns back home and sees Barry]
Hey, Ad-Rock! Good news. I wrote another verse to help you get back with Jackie.
Dude, everything's fine with us now. Please don't sing for me.
Just let it happen, or he'll never leave you alone.
[singing] Dear Jackie, I love you like no other But you know who's really awesome? Barry, my brother Black belt in karate, girls think he's a hottie It's like how much can you fit in one body? He's a god on Earth, an academic wiz To be Barry is divine, my words, not his I wish I could do what Big Tasty can But I'm only Adam, forever your man
EGErica, Geoff and Lainey
Girls, I must confess
EGErica, Geoff and Lainey
Barry really is the best
EGErica, Geoff and Lainey
To know him, we are blessed
EGErica, Geoff and Lainey
He's a man, he's a man, he's a man
Barry is the man
I wrote that song for you, girl. Copyright Big Tasty Records. [drops the microphone and the microphone feedback]
Off-campus lunch is a go, boys. We've got 36 minutes to make it to Jim's Steaks and back. Let's ride.
Wait. I thought your dad sold his crappy old Tercel.
He bought it back 'cause his new sports car was even crappier than this crap box.
Uh, bro, the door won't open.
That's 'cause it's been permanently busted. You just got to Dukes of Hazzard it. [runs toward his car but he is hit]
Need more of a head start. [runs to it again]
[They all groan]
Took my eye off it. [runs to it again]
[They all groan]
Who moved the car? [runs to it again and then jumps over it] J... T... P!
Geoff
JTP?
General Lee! [jumps over the car again]
[voiceover] It was April 3rd, 1980-something, and my sister's stalled music career was about to get a boost.
Guys, I have insane news! We just got the gig of a lifetime. We're playing the Philadelphia freakin' Spectrum!
The Flyers Wives have this charity where they throw a whole carnival. And we got picked to be the local band to perform live on stage.
How did this even happen?
Word of mouth, obviously.
Geoff
For sure. Also, I submitted a demo.
Oh, my God, Geoff. You are seriously the most amazing boyfriend/band member ever.
Geoff
Me, manager? Really?
You got us our big break, Geoff. You've totally earned it.
Geoff
Sweet! If there's one thing I know, managing my hot-tempered girlfriend's band could only end well.
Problem. This letter's for you and Lainey.
Geoff
Yeah, I submitted their demo six months ago.
So now they're only getting two-thirds of the band they want? You suck, and you're fired!
Geoff
Oh, no! This didn't end well at all!
We are so boned! There's no way they'll ever want us to perform now.
VEValley Erica
Like, why not? We still totally rock it hard without Lainey.
Geoff
It's true. The Dropouts still got the goods. I demand you go for it!
Damn it. Our old but re-hired band manager is right. Our rocket ride to superstardom begins now.
You know, I've been dabbling a bit in documentary filmmaking. Maybe I can make a rockumentary about you guys, like U2's Rattle and Hum.
No way, nerd. Oh, wait. Sorry. Force of habit. Yes.
Our fans will for sure want to know how it all started.
Sweet! You get to perform for carnies and the Flyers' romantic partners, and I get to film it.
I heard "Flyers" and "carnies." I must be a part of whatever this is.
They got a real gig playing The Spectrum.
No, it's none of his business. Just butt out, dude.
Come on! We both know you need my fresh rhymes.
Your garbage rap has no place in a rock band.
So what about when Aerosmith combined their rock with the sick rap stylings of Run-DMC?
Doesn't matter! You're not even in the band.
No, you're not! Stop saying it!
She said it! Adam's got it on tape!
[Adam puts his thumb up]
It's official! I'm in the band.
The Goldbergs · 125 quotes
