The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air · Season 5
(Will sees Carlton dancing.)
Carlton, what's wrong? Are you having a Malox moment?
I'm getting ready for Soul Train. I believe there's dancing involved.
Two things. One: That's not dancing. And two: I'd appreciate it if you stayed away from the show.
And why, pray tell, is that?
Again, two things, Carlton. One: Because you say stuff like "pray tell". And two: You're gonna embarrass me when I become the new co-host.
You see, Soul Train's been looking for a co-host for months, and so far no one's worked out.
And they're gonna give you the job based on your love for Don Cornelius dolls?
[annoyed] It's not a doll, it's an action figure! And you've got no business being on the Soul Hyundai, let alone the Soul Train.
(After scuffle in Bowling alley)
Will, I've been meaning to tell you that I'm a--
A what!? A Power Ranger!?
No, I've been studying self-defense. Did I do something wrong?
Yes, you did. I was just about to retaliate.
Baby, you were on the floor.
That's how I fight!
Let's just get back to the game.
Fine!
(Will attempts to roll the ball, but it slips and hits another man in the chest.)
(Jazz pulls out a small thin book from his pocket)
I give you... The Hoodlum Pages. Okay, let's see here.
(Jazz flips through the pages)
Counterfeiters... Extortionists... Car Salesmen... Ah, here. Guys who take dives...
(Jazz hands Will the book and he scans the page.)
Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me, that this guy will let someone hit him ten times for $40?
Mention this ad and he'll throw in a head-butt.
Oh, okay, so this dude come down to the Peacock, stir up a little fray, I take him down and Lisa and everybody think I'm a hero. Aight, thanks, man. Hey, by the way, where'd you get this?
I stole it.
I call it, "Celebrity Houses, At Night!"
Hmm, very interesting.
Cause see, here's Bob Barker drinking some coffee in the bathroom.
Er...
And here's Gene Simmons frying his underwear on a barbecue grill.
Um, that's lovely.
And here's Jay Leno pouring some coffee in the sewer.
Oh, my god!
Will?
Well, it ain't Fat Albert!
What kind of idiot picks a password no one can guess?
What are you thinking about?
I'm just trying to recall what it felt like to be 15.
It was so long ago, how could you remember?
[Vivian scowls at her husband]
I'm just so upset, I'm saying things I don't even mean.
You know something? This is all your fault.
What is that, like the theme of this family? "When in doubt, blame Will."
Why do you shave and Ashley doesn't?
Well, you know, because guys grow beards and some women don't.
(after being shot at the bank) Hey, don't be looking at me like that. Y'all know ain't no little bullet gonna stop me. Although, I will be doing my banking by mail from now on. Knowing my luck, I might run into a disgruntled postal worker.
We can see Will, but we have to go right home after that.
Why?
Well, apparently we're driving the nursing staff crazy.
(Hilary and a nurse walk into the room)
I don't understand. I'm just a visitor. Why do I need medication? And what is Prozac anyway? Do you think I need this? I feel fine.
Will, you can be so stupid!
Well, stupid is as stupid does!
What does that have to do with anything?
I don't know but the movie made a billion dollars.
[defibrillator on hand] Check it out, Will. I'm the black dude on ER.
Jazz, that's not a toy.
It doesn't have to be a toy to be fun. Check this out. Clear!
[he shocks himself, and is sent rolling through the hallway]
(to Philip) Have you ever crushed anyone?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
