DonnaCleveland, we're doing it. For Valentine's Day, I want us to have a vow renewing ceremony.
Donna
I divided our tasks. I split up what we need to get done before hand.
What?! Build a gazebo? Rent a tazedo? And where, pray tell, do you think I'm going to find 14 peacocks?
Donna
[begging] Please? After the ceremony, I'll let you do that thing I promised you could do on our wedding night that I lied about and didn't let you do that I'm probably still lying about it now.
[after making a strike] He's unstoppable! [signals to Donna] The crowd wondering how he could even be related to that old, leathery bowling bag. Ha! Strike, turkey.
[Donna get three pins]
Donna
Oh, fudge me!
Ha, already got you bustin' out the kid-friendly swear words. You know that? You got more exes in real life than you do in bowling. Ha! Strike, turkey.
Donna
Yes, sweetheart?
[clears his throat] Off-color terms for a woman's privates include: [bleep, bleep]. And most offensively, [bleep]. [smiles]
[Furious and offended, Donna kicks Rallo's door open, throws him in his room, and closes the door, leaving him alone with Junior, who is sleeping, moping around and still grounded]
Hey, man. I couldn't let you serve out this sentence alone. So, is that top bunk taken? [pokes Junior] Junior?
[reveals his bald head and a tear in his eye] You sleep on the floor, 'cause you're my BITCH.
Please don't knock my teeth out!
[about to punch him] You're 5, you'll grow more.
[backs away until he bumps into the door then shouts] Mama!
Donna
[annoyed, off-screen] What?!
It was me! I stole the candy bar! Junior had nothing to do with it, I swear! Please let him go!
Donna
[off-screen] Roberta?
[takes off the rubber bald head and wipes off the tear, revealing to be a charade] Thanks, Rallo. But do let me know when your teeth fall out. [skips happily and giggles]
Donna
[sees a candy bar laying on the ground and picks it up] Where did this come from?
[claps hands] I hope a tree.
Donna
Rallo, did you steal this?
What? Oh, 'cause I'm black?
Donna
Well, one of you boys stole it, and until someone comes cleaned, you're both grounded.
Donna
And Roberta, you were supposed to be watching them. You're grounded, too.
Nuh-uh! How are you gonna cage a hurricane?
Donna
You know what? Because of that, [loudly] everybody's grounded!
1Y15-year-old Hispanic girl
But it's my quinceanera.
Donna
You in America now.
[grunting] I'm gettin' strong in lock-up. What you readin'?
We didn't have the Koran, so I'm reading my leather-bound Judy Blume collection. [giggles] That girl's called "Blubber". What a fat-ass.
[to Rallo and Cleveland Jr. from downstairs; off-screen] Prisoner 1 and Prisoner 19, report downstairs.
[to Cleveland Jr.] Okay, just say you're sorry and we'll be fine.
I'm not saying sorry. I didn't do jack!
Fine, then every man for himself.
[to Rallo] Now, what happened?
First off, I'd like to say the punishment was fair. I was even able to earn my TV/VCR repair certificate in here. Second, we may never know exactly what happened that unfortunate afternoon in the park, but I take full responsibility for my part, whatever it may or may not have been.
That took guts, Rallo. Junior?
I did NOT steal that candy bar. That's it.
[to Junior] Do you think I'm running a clown shop, Junior? Candy chocolate bar? Your sweet teeth? I know you did it!
Rallo, you showed remorse. You are free to go. Junior, you fat liar! You are grounded indefinitely!
Gavel, schmavel. Living room adjourned. [Cleveland Jr. whimpers, then rushes to his room, to Donna] Mama, I'll let Rallo go. Is that okay?
Donna
Oh, you guys still doing that? Whatever. I'm going to Shakespeare in the Park if Cleveland ever gets here.
[Donna denies the boys have the construction cherry picker]
Donna
You think I'd notice a stolen truck around here. I'm the head of this household and I pay attention to...
[Roberta wheels a keg past Donna in a bikini]
Bye, Mom. Off to the library.
Donna
Study hard!
The Cleveland Show · 168 quotes
