Carlota quotes from The Casagrandes

[sees her nietos back into their regular outfits; horrified] ¡Familia! Why are you in those clothes?! Go get dressed.

Ronnie Anne

Abuela, what's going on?

What's with the clothes?

And the labels?

Bobby

And the spicy food?

Just do this for me, por favor.

[squawks] She landed!

It's too late! Mama Lupe is here! I have to go pick her up.

Ronnie Anne

I thought you were excited to see your mom.

I am, I just hope she survives the visit.

[out of sync] What, why?

I didn't want to put this on you kids, but if Mama Lupe finds out we're not carrying on our family traditions, she could…

[squawks] Go adiós, forever.

[enters with Frida] Once my cousin, Tacho, gave Mama Lupe fast-food tacos. The shock almost did her in.

[enters with a tray of mashed potatoes] So, how was everyone's day?

Just how I like it. The same.

Bobby

Well, my day was great, Abuela.

Que bueno mis muchachos. [leaves to get more dinner]

Bobby

My new boss is open to all my ideas. Unlike my old boss.

Well, old boss, who looks pretty good for his age, is doing fine without new ideas.

I had a pretty good day, I… [frowns as Bobby interrupts]

Bobby

Well, my new boss is not just fine, he's raking in the dough.

Then your new boss should pay for your potatoes, because I'm eating all of these. [pulls the tray and starts to laugh]

Bobby

[throws his spoon annoyingly] Mr. Hong would share his potatoes.

Then, you should go to Mr. Hong's!

Bobby

I already asked if he has plans tonight.

That's too bad!

[gasps; pointing to each other] He started it!

See? Who needs the bathroom?

Ronnie Anne

Yeah. We have the sink all to ourselves.

I'm brushing here.

[as her toothbrush is bumped by Carl] My princess toothbrush! How dare you!

Ronnie Anne

On the bright side, we don't have to sleep on the floor. [later, laying on Lucy's bed, sandwiched between her grandparents] On second thought, I'd rather sleep on the floor.

[in a coffin with Carlitos] At least you're not in a coffin! [freaking out in horror]

Goodnight. May you all sleep like the dead. [closes the door, Frida freaks out again]

[groans] I want to go back home.

I think it's kind of fun. We can pretend to be the mummies of the ancient Pharaohs!

[shrieks] You're not helping! [closes her coffin]

Stop drooling on me! [takes the comforter from Maria]

Hey!

[as Sergio comes over and cuddles with her] Ugh. Are you kidding me?!

[squawks; scared] Need a snuggle.

Ronnie Anne

Guys, it's been a long day. Let's just try to get some sleep.

Bobby

There's something in the coffin with me! [gets a kiss on the cheek from Fangs as he emerges from the coffin and screams]

Ronnie Anne

Abuela, please. We can’t stay here. It's too many people!

Mija, it might be hard, but at least we're not in Bad Luck City.

Ronnie Anne

[as Hector falls on her off of Lucy's bed, breaking a coffin] This is worse than bad luck.

Ronnie Anne

As soon as that gas tank is full, our lives will be over.

Think they have Wi-Fi in the woods? [Carl, CJ, and Bobby roll their eyes; groans] Couldn't you let me live in hope?!

Ronnie Anne

May as well enjoy this last bit of civilization before we become forest people, I guess. I'm going to use a real bathroom while I still can.

Ronnie Anne

Hmm. Bobby you're acting weird.

Yeah, even for you.

Bobby

I am? [Carlota's phone ringer goes off and switches to cat mode, walks up to Lalo and Sergio as Lalo's napping and wakes up; he and Lalo snarl at each other and start fighting]

[looking at her phone] Okay, this is bananas!

Ronnie Anne

Right?

Karen and Dana wore the same outfit to Rebecca's party.

Ronnie Anne

No, I mean Bobby. He's scratching, purring, and fighting with Lalo. [goes in and breaks up the fight]

[jumps out of Bobby's mouth] He's worse than a cat!

Ronnie Anne

[gasps] He's not worse, Bobby is a cat!

Guys, Artemio Alcaraz's review of Mama's art just went live.

Ronnie Anne

Nice, must be good right?

[squawks] Think again.

It's horrible!

What?! But he said her stuff was a wonder!

And a vision.

And breath-taking, I know. [reads the review] "Frida Puga-Casagrande's art is a wonder... I wonder how it could be so bad."

Ronnie Anne

What? Let me see that. [takes Carlota's phone, reading the rest] "Her sculptures are a vision of horror. While her painting is breath-taking in it's ability to make me feel disgust." [gasps in horror at the next part] "She should quit being an artist."

Bobby

Wow, none of those words mean what I thought they meant.

This will break Mama's heart.

Ronnie Anne

Not if she never sees it.

Bobby

Good idea! [grabs Carlota's phone and throws it in the trash, much to her annoyance]

[annoyed] Thanks, Bobby.

[sobbing in horror] WE'RE GOOD PEOPLE! WHY ARE YOU HAUNTING US?!

Hey, that arrow is totally pointing to Sergio!

[scared; whimpers and flies to the other side; squawks] Is not.

Is too!

Sergio, do you know this chicken?

I had a chicken roommate at flight school, but he moved to a farm, never heard from him again. [realizes] Ooh, Alfredo, is that you? [the cushion feathers form into a mallet, gets bonked on the head, knocked to the floor] Yup, that's him.

Ghosts don't stick around unless they have unfinished business. Sergio, did you wrong this chicken?

Okay, here's all of the money I took. [throws all money to the ground] With interest. [Alfredo's ghost annoyingly kicks it away] Oh come on, I've made amends, for everything, what more do you want?!

[flies into Carlos' nose, possessing him, taking control of his body] Bawk, bawk! Bawk, bawk! [picks up Sergio and pecks him] That's not the end of the story. Bawk, bawk!

[gasps] My dad's a chicken?!

[gasps in horror] CARLOS! [sobs] I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

Sergio, what else did you do to this chicken?!

GLUE IT BACK ON! GLUE IT BACK ON! [shows his new haircut; he's bald with hair around his ears much to Frida's horror]

Huh, you look like someone familiar, and guapo.

[hugs his madre] Mom! Carlota made me look like Abuelo! [angrily shakes his fist at Carlota] I'll never forgive you for this!

I'm sorry, I do my own hair every day and I look fabulous. So I just figured… Why would this be any different?

Well guess what… it IS different!

Say what?!

Now that's a twist ending.

I don't understand. CJ cut the bride's hair?

[sighs with guilt] He cut everyone's hair, including yours.

What?

I practiced and practiced, but I couldn't get it right. So… I roped CJ into helping me. He's an absolute hair wizard, even in the dark! Anyway, I'm so sorry for lying to you.

I wish you hadn't, I would have given you more time. You don't have to be good at everything right away, Mi'jita.

Yeah, you're right. I really messed up. I obviously don't deserve this certificate. [gives her back the certificate]

Well, not yet, you don't, but I think I have an idea.

You're playing that zoo pants game again?

It's Fashion Safari, Dad.

Whatever it's called. Every time you play, you get so distracted.

That's so not true.

Carlota, are these the practice tests for your finals on Friday? You haven't started any of them.

That's not true, I wrote my name on this one. [holds up one of them]

It just says, Car.

Oh! A spotted purse!

[annoyed enough] That's it! I'm not letting this game get in the way of your grades! I'm getting one of my students to tutor you.

[standing on the couch, still not listening] Yes!

Great, then it's a date.

[hears that] Wait, what? A date?

Can you keep it down?! I'm trying to relax. Oh, and I borrowed your back scratcher. [holds up Carlota's toothbrush, mistaking it for a back scratcher]

Sergio! That's my toothbrush! [groans] You're so annoying! [gets an idea] Wait a minute, that's it! I'll be the most annoying date ever. Sergio, teach me your ways.

Not enough time, I'll come with. Let me just take out these butt warmers. [turns around, wearing Carlota's headphones on his butt]

Those are my headphones! Oh, yeah, this is gonna work.

[excited] Is that who I think it is?!

He didn't tell us he was coming!

Ronnie Anne

Who is that guy?

Grandpa Danny!

He's the coolest!

You're gonna love him, Ronnie Anne. He's a movie stuntman!

[walks to the window, looks down; displeased] Oh, no. Not that bobo again.

Bobby

[in unison] What?! No way. You're wrong.

[in unison] I know what I'm talking about. [out of unison] I'm telling you, Bobby, word on the street is that the secret theme for Par's party, is prom.

Bobby

No way! It's kigurumi. Animal pajamas are so in. You can party and nap without changing.

Bobby, Carlota, I need one of you to watch the kids tonight.

Bobby

But Abuela, I can't miss Par's party, he's my BFF. He'll kill me.

And I need to be there for my vlog. If Cindy Tran gets the scoop on me again, she'll steal more of my subscribers! [takes out her phone, showing Cindy's vlog]

Hey, it's Cindy Tran with Tran Talk! [sighs] Don't you just love me?

[fiercely] She's my nemesis. [in unison with Bobby] Make him do it!

Bobby

[in unison with Carlota] Make her do it!

Right. We'll figure it out.

I knew you would.