Carlota quotes from The Casagrandes

Alright, hear me out. I'll go for the first half of the party, and you take the second half.

Bobby

What? No way. Last time I was that late to one of Par's parties, Par didn't speak to me for a week. It was torture.

[thinking about it] Then how about we take shifts? 30 minutes each, I'm going first.

Bobby

What? Why?! No fair!

You're right, what about if you stay, and I go first?

Bobby

[not realizing] Much better.

Great! See you in 30. Bye! [leaves]

Bobby

[realizes] Wait. Darn it! [slaps himself in his face in frustration]

[horrified] What did you guys do?!

[smugly] Uh-uh-uh, you said we could. [takes out his phone]

I did not.

[plays the recording; through recording] Hey, Carlota. Uh, can we get the snow cone machine out of the storage room and make shaved ice for dinner?

[through recording] Sure, sounds good. [over the barrel] Ugh! Fine, my bad. But when Abuela sees this mess, we're all in for chancla time.

[horrfied] Chancla time?!

Clean for your lives!

So, who ended up babysitting?

[in hasty unison] Bobby

Bobby

[in hasty unison] Carlota.

Well, whoever it was, seems like you did a good job.

Ronnie Anne

[decided to finally come out of her room, and enters] Hey, guys. What did I miss?

Familia, time for lunch! It's ceviche tostadas day!

Hey, Abuela, is it okay if my friend joins us for lunch?

Of course, Mijia, all are welcome. [gasps in surprise as Alisa comes in]

[surprised] Alisa!

Hola, Casagrandes family! It's so great to see you again. [sniffs] I'm sorry, but is that… tostadas de ceviche?!

You bet, mija! Ven aquí! Let me get you a little serving.

[takes a seat at the end of the table and Rosa walks up with a plate of ceviche tostadas; gasps] Gracias! Ceviche is my favorite. [picks up a tostada and eats it; gasps with amazement] So good!

Aye, my makeup's running.

Don't worry, I'll clean you up. [looks around for her makeup bag and realizes she accidentally left it back at the hotel; gasps in horror] My makeup bag! I left it at the hotel! I'll have to go back!

Oof, good luck. 12 is Midnight is staying on my floor, and their fans are even more intense than mine.

Sid

Did you say 12 is Midnight is on your floor?!

We can get it for you.

Ronnie Anne

Um, I mean, we'd be happy to help you out, my sweet prima. [gives her prima cute eyes and blinks]

Oh, awesome. Thanks, muchachas. Here's my key card. Help yourself to any snacks in the--

Sid

[holding her Yoon Kwan standee] Let's go, paper Yoon Kwan!

Sergio, it's happening. Soon, my love and I will be one. Although I got to admit, I am a little nervous.

Oh, come on. What could go wrong? Bring it in!

My suit! Must have been the pepperoni I ate last night. It made me bloat.

Carlota, can you fix it?

I'll try. Paco, you're supposed to tear up the dance floor, not your suit.

Not a good start.

Ronnie Anne

You're lucky you didn't have to walk Lalo. He is not in a fun mood.

Hey, Lalo! Why did you do that?! Now I have to go nap in the mercado.

[after Malo takes a bite out of his El Falcón action figure] Hey! Lalo ate El Falcón's head!

[bare-footed as Malo starts chewing on her pair of boots by the door] Those are my new boots!

Bobby

Lalo, what's going on with you? [screams as Malo bares his teeth, growling at him]

We better figure it out. Abuelo hates when pets misbehave.

[squawks] I woke him up once. Almost made parrot tacos out of me.

Parrot tacos? Ew!

Hey! I'd make a great taco. [Malo visualizes him as a taco and tries to eat him; flies away] I take it back! I'd make a terrible taco!

Ronnie Anne

I can't believe this is the last time we'll ever see Lalo.

I'm gonna miss him so much.

[starts sobbing] This is the saddest day ever! [waters her eyes like Frida's] Ay, I've turned into Mom.

Wait a minute. There's two of them?!

Ronnie Anne

[after Lalo licks her] Now this is our Lalo.

[growls back at Malo after he growls at her] And this is my Malo!

Okay, I don't follow.

I think I know what's going on. When I adopted Lalo, I chose him from a litter of perritos. [Flashback to the day he adopted Lalo as a puppy] But one of them was clearly not for our familia. I called it a perro malo. And the woman giving the puppies away said Malo was the perfect name, 'cause he was bad to the bone. Then I saw another puppy who was the complete opposite, showing me lots of love. So I decided to call him, Lalo!

Ronnie Anne

They must have switched places when I was walking Lalo. I should have been paying attention to him instead of trying to watch the show. [to Lalo] I'm so sorry, boy.

[wearing a green sweatshirt with a photo of young Carlota] Mi amor, I decide to remember what to wear. What about this? Much?

Oh, a sweatshirt with little Carlota on it.

Isn't it cute? I made one for all mis bebes. [takes off the sweater and is wearing a matching one with baby CJ, another of baby Carl, and another with Carlitos' ultrasound; takes the ultrasound sweater off and is somehow wearing young Carlota under it]

[chuckles awkwardly] Might be a tad much.

[sighs] I know, you're wright, you're correct. It's just that our day together means so much to me. My baby's growing so fast and she's been so busy lately. Soon she'll be a grown-up with a career and family and my mija won't have time for mama. [starts sobbing, which gets on the sweater] Aye! I soaked Carlota!

Okay, I'm cute, casual and ready to go. What's up with mom?

Nothing. [spins away the tears, and the sweater] Just my morning cry, I'm very excited for our own favorite girl's favorite day.

[with bangs covering her own eyes] Ah, I can't say these things.

Who needs to see it here before you look like a supermodel? [takes out her phone] Say cheese!

No, Carlota, don't you dare! [tries to grab the phone]

Just one, they want an after picture.

Give me that celéfono!

[seeing her favorite mother on the phone with Jim; slightly angry] Mom, you're on your phone?! You're a hypocrite!

And there's my loving daughter for now.

Ooh, can we interview her?

Uh, no! Wanna go! Please buy my art! [hangs up and sighs]

Have you been on your phone this entire time?!

Not the entire time. I'm not on the phone for now. Okay, fine, I can help.

After you took mine?!

That's different, I was using my phone for my art. It's important that I respond to my fans.

Well, I use my phone for vlogging and that's really important to me.

Carlota, I'm here to tell you that you're missing a PE credit. You'll have to make it up, ASAP.

Oh, no, see, I don't love sports so, I took extra art classes. That should be enough credits, right?

[not buying it] I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. If you don't get that PE credit, you can't graduate.

[shocked] What?!

Good news is, there's still time to join a sport. [walks away] Have fun!

Worst day ever! First, it's Monday, and now I'm not gonna graduate?!

Ronnie Anne

What? Carlota, you just have to join a sport. Easy-peasy.

You don't understand, Ronnie Anne. Sports are really not my thing.

Ronnie Anne

Not yet. Maybe you just haven't found the right one. I can help with that.

Pfft, good luck. Wouldn't want her on my team.

Ronnie Anne

Maybe soccer's your thing. Abuelo watches the Gatos on TV all the time. I bet you've already picked up a tip or two from their star player, Picosito. [shows her prima an image of Picosito kicking the ball]

Sí, Picosito does make it look pretty easy. Let's kick the ball into that… net, thingy.

Ronnie Anne

Uh… it's called a goal.

I think I'm literally melting.

Melting? I'm literally molting!

Ronnie Anne

So Abuela, where are these famous birds you wanted to see?

[shrugs] Well, guess they're not here. Okay, come on, let's go.

Wait! We haven't even tried all the bird calls that I learned. [squawks, but summons accidentally summons Bitsy] Whoops. That's the elephant call. [tweets, but accidentally summons two hipsters] Sorry, that must be the hipster call.

Are you guys birdwatching?

[scoffs] We were doing that before it was cool. Huh?

[clinging onto one of them] TAKE US WITH YOU!!!

Don't worry, kids. Birdwatching takes time.