Sergio quotes from The Casagrandes

Say what?!

Now that's a twist ending.

I don't understand. CJ cut the bride's hair?

[sighs with guilt] He cut everyone's hair, including yours.

What?

I practiced and practiced, but I couldn't get it right. So… I roped CJ into helping me. He's an absolute hair wizard, even in the dark! Anyway, I'm so sorry for lying to you.

I wish you hadn't, I would have given you more time. You don't have to be good at everything right away, Mi'jita.

Yeah, you're right. I really messed up. I obviously don't deserve this certificate. [gives her back the certificate]

Well, not yet, you don't, but I think I have an idea.

Time to hit the hay. [notices an incubated nest on the roof] Bed on the roof? Don't mind if I do. [dives into the nest] So warm. [shakes his feet and falls asleep, not noticing two eggs in there and start hatching; wakes up the next morning, groggily by little chirps] Where's the snooze button? [hits the two baby egrets on the heads and they bite his wing] OW! What in the world?! [realizes] Sorry. Didn't mean to nest crash. Gotta go. [chuckles as he starts to walk away and the two egret chicks suddenly wrap themselves around his legs] Oh, no, you don't. [shakes them off but they return and start copying his moves] Hey, what's the big idea?

Mama!

Mama!

[aghast in horror] Oh, no, you got the wrong guy!

Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama.

[backing away to the wall] Nope. Not your mama! Sergio out! [flies through the apartment’s window and closes it behind him] Phew. That was weird.

Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama.

[squawks in panicked shock seeing they beat him] Leave me alone! [tries to fly away as the baby egrets bounce after him and cling to his leg] ¡Híjole! Get these things off of me! [bumps into the apartment door, flies into the kitchen and bursts out of the windows, as Rosa enters with a bag of groceries] Stop! Back, tiny beasts!

[jump onto Sergio's head] Mama. Mama.

[awed] How darling! Hola, pajaritos.

You like 'em? Take 'em. [pulls the egrets off his leg]

Sergio, those adorable little bebés think you're their mama.

Mama.

Good for them. [starts to fly away]

[grabs Sergio by the tail] Oh, no, you don't. Do you even know where their mama is? They can't survive on their own. Porbrecitos.

I am not their mama! Sergio out! [starts to fly away again, but Rosa grabs him again by the tail with her muscular arm] Hey!

[threatningly] Sergio Casagrande, you will take care of these sweet pajaritos until they can take care of themselves.

I don't take care of anyone but myself. That's how I like it. I'm free as a bird. Ooh, breakfast crackers. [dives in the grocery bag]

[pulls Sergio out of the bag] If you don't take care of them, I don't take care of you. [drops him in the bag]

No snacks? That's just cruel. Fine, let's just get this over with. [One baby egret starts drooling; disgusted] Ew, this one's leaking.

Okay, chicks. Welcome to Sergio's School of Street Smarts.

Mama?

Now pay attention. The sooner you can take care of yourselves, the sooner I get my freedom back. Lesson one, flying.

Ooh. [chirping]

[picks them both up] Just flap your wings. It's easy. You got this, time to take off the training wheels. [lets them go] Whoops.

Lesson two, bird bath. 'Cause you two stink. Get in, lather up. [kicks them into the fountain, adds bubble bath, and they play cheerfully] Okay, pío píos, let's hurry it up. Chop chop. [the egret chicks look at each other for a second and spit water at him] Stop it! Who's washing who here?! [the fountain suddenly starts to rumble as some pigeons fly away; knowing what's happening] Uh-oh. Come on, time to go. Vamanos! [The baby egrets chirp cheerfully as they enjoy the wavy water and get blasted upwards and land in a mud puddle, getting covered in mud] Eh, clean enough. [takes off with them and leaves]

Give me back my toppings! [slips on and falls on the mud puddle] Whoa! [sobbing] MY TOPPINGS!!!

It's good to see you finally being responsible, Sergio.

You bet I am.

Ronnie Anne

[enters with Sid, both catching their breath] There they are! We's been looking all over for those birds!

You mean my birds. I named them, Sergio Jr. and Sergio Jr-Jr.

Sid

Actually, they're African black egret chicks. And their names are Yoon and Kwan.

Ronnie Anne

We left them in the incubator nest last night. But when we came back this morning, they were gone.

Sid

My mom put me in charge of them, 'cause their mama wasn't feeling well. Thank you SO much for taking care of them!

Oh. [starting to tear up] They have a mom that isn't me? [sniffles] Thank goodness.

Sid

You'll be happy to know that she's all better and waiting for them at the zoo.

Oh. [sniffling] Great.

Ronnie Anne

[surprised] Sergio, are you crying?

[wiping his eyes] Tears of joy. I'm finally getting rid of these kids.

A parent never wants to let go. [pulls Carlos out of nowhere, petting his head and kissing him, to his confusion]

[replugs the router] What's the big deal? It's just Spoon Yan!

Sid

It's Yoon Kwan!

Ronnie Anne

And it is a big deal!

Sorry, tickets now sold out.

No!

Sid

[furiously at Sergio, along with Ronnie Anne and Breakfast Bot] He ruined our chance to see 12 is Midnight!

[nervously] What's that, Rosa? Coming! [skedaddles and Breakfast Bot flings a burnt toast at him, hitting him off-screen]

Anyone in there?

[getting up, along with Casey and Breakfast Bot, all groaning] Cubano? [stuffs a sandwich in Yoon Kwan's mouth]

[eats the sandwich] That's the best sandwich I've ever had!

Niños, I need help with the chores while I battle the Flores' toilet. Ronalda, check the menudo. Sergio, Carl, wash the dishes. CJ, mi vida, fold the clothes in the dryer.

Ronnie Anne

But Abuela, the season premiere of "Popular Pranks!" is about to start.

You can watch your shows later. Chores first. [The kids groan in disappointment] And clean up this mess, too.

Yeah, get to it, kids.

Sid

Anything I can do to help?

Ronnie Anne

Not unless you can teach Breakfast Bot how to make menudo.

Sid

I can probably make that happen.

Can you keep it down?! I'm trying to relax. Oh, and I borrowed your back scratcher. [holds up Carlota's toothbrush, mistaking it for a back scratcher]

Sergio! That's my toothbrush! [groans] You're so annoying! [gets an idea] Wait a minute, that's it! I'll be the most annoying date ever. Sergio, teach me your ways.

Not enough time, I'll come with. Let me just take out these butt warmers. [turns around, wearing Carlota's headphones on his butt]

Those are my headphones! Oh, yeah, this is gonna work.

Alright you two, you're up.

[Squawks] You got it! [He and Sancho take the stroller in Irving’s direction] A lovely day for a stroll. Aw, coochie coochie coo, little baby. [Said baby is a watermelon with a face drawn on; casually pushes the stroller away, pretends to panic] Oh, no! Our baby!

Do not fear! I'll save your baby! [Chases the stroller into the skatepark, where he slips on an unattended board, falls into the pit, and lands with a faceplant on the other side. Carl doesn't see a stroller come from the other direction and does a rail grind, falls into the pit and takes off in the direction Carl was running to, Carl chases after it] Stop! Stop! [Offscreen a kite catches the stroller and carries it the other way] Hey, get back here, kite! That stroller is mine!

[Getting impatient] Jeez, sweetums, where is our baby?

Holy Toledo, that kite saved that baby!

Dinnertime! [enters with a pot of boiled asparagus]

[holds out his plate as his wife dips asparagus; looks around, confused] Where is everybody?

I told you, hijo, [takes out her phone showing a photo of Frida and Carlos at Burning Flan] Frida and Carlos went to that big art and music festival, Burning Flan, [scrolls down to another photo of Ronnie Anne and Bobby at Arturo's place] and Ronnie Anne and Bobby are at Arturo's for the weekend.

Oh. Dibs on their dinner! [scoops out even more asparagus on his plate and stuffs them in his mouth]

Carl, CJ, don't forget your espárragos. [dips asparagus on the boy's plates, much to their disgust]

[disgusted] Oh, yucko!

[dissatisfied] Carl, you need your vegetables.

Okay, Abuela, I'll eat 'em. [calling out] Release the chocolate sauce and sprinkles!

Release the chancla! [takes off her chancla and deflects the the hit, back at Sergio, immobilizing him, much to the boy's disappointment]

Gimme some! [grabs and wrings Sergio over his mouth]

[squawks] Release the Sergio!

[closing in on Carl] Give us the chanclas! Give us the chanclas! Give us the chanclas! Give us the chanclas! Give us the chanclas!

[panics and sees Rosa sleeping on the couch, still barefooted] Come on, chanclas. Do your thing. [throws the chanclas at Rosa's feet]

NO!!!

[grabs the chanclas] Chancla smoothie, anyone? [tosses the chanclas into the smoothie maker Lalo's holding]

[cheering and chanting] Chancla, uno! Chanclas, dos! Time to say adiós!

[screams in horrified shock] NOOOOOO!!! [camera zooms in and out of his mouth, finding him in bed, revealing it was all a dream] Come back, chanclas! [sobbing] Come back! [falls off his bed, looking around] Wait, it was a dream? [opens the secret compartment, the chanclas are still there] It was a dream! [kisses the chanclas, which he remembers are also his abuela's shoes, groans disgusted] Chancla flavored.

Oh, no! If your dad finds us, he'll know you snuck out! This way!

You want to give me to Alexis? But I thought we were going to be best friends. [Carlitos declines, speaks more] You're trying to save me? [touched] Aww. You really are a good friend. [Carlitos hugs him and tosses him towards Alexis, waving in mid-air] I'll never forget you, Carlitos!

[curious] Whoa, where did you come from, Pinguino? [takes Mr. Fluff out for a walk]

Carlitos. [squawks] What's with the getup? [Carltios babbles in gibberish, pointing down to Vito's dogs; squawks] You're gonna be dog food? [Carlitos babbles again, pointing to himself, saying he'll get punished for sneaking out] Or in trouble for sneaking out? [squawks] You owe me one.

Hey ya, Hector!

Que grandpa? I'm Bobby and Ronnie Anne's grandpa, not him. That bobo's always showing up to steal the spotlight!

That's the famous Grandpa Danny? I don’t get it. Take away his cash, his looks, and his bike. What do you have left?

Hector! [snickers]

You're just as cool as that guy. Whoa! Is he doing hand-stand push ups?