[Soldier Boy and Firecracker are on her TruthBomb talk show set preparing for their interview together]
It's an honor to have a great American like yourself on the show. I guess it runs in the family, huh? Homelander's father… Dang.
[looks at the gun at Firecracker's hip] Glock, huh? Never saw the appeal in foreign-made guns.
Well, this ain't your granddaddy's Glock. This here's a 9mm Gen 5, seven-round capacity with a crisp fuckin' break.
Well, mine's a much longer barrel. [takes out his pistol] Battle-proven, all-American Colt 1911 chambered in .45 ACP. [cocks pistol] That'll blow your fuckin' panties off. Now, that little Glock–That's good for a late-night Harlem stroll, but uh, this here? That's a certified Kraut killer.
I think you mean an antique.
I mean a classic. You wanna give it a try? [Firecracker examines the pistol] Now, some can't handle the kick, but something tells me you'll do just fine.
[Cut to Soldier Boy and Firecracker in bed together after having sex]
Whew. Well, I gotta hand it to you. I haven't fuckеd that hard since... since I railed Shari Lewis on the balcony of Studio 54.
I ain't got no idea who that is.
Well... Hey, why the hairless pussy?
[gives Soldier Boy a disgusted look] What?
I mean, what's the point of going down there if you're not gonna get a fat face full of fur? Is that how Homelander likes you? Like a baby?
[sighs] More like a mother.
But you two have fuckеd, right?
Damn. I gotta admit, I was kinda just doing this as petty revenge against the freak.
That's terrible. Who would do such a thing? And you shouldn't say that about your son.
Ah, he thinks he's better than me.
I don't know much, but I can read people. And the way he looks at you? Shoot. I ain't never seen him look at nobody like that.
Uh, that's not exactly a compliment, doll. He is the strangest mοthеrfuckеr I've ever known, and I've had a threesome with Gary Busey.
[Ryan and Homelander meet up at the now-abandoned VoughtLand building]
Do you remember when you took me here? Pretended to care about me?
I do care about you, son. I love you.
[pause] I need to ask you–
For my forgiveness? You already have it.
Okay, let me finish. I put too much pressure on you to fill my boots. And–And I realize now that, uh... Well, that–that was impossible. But I do have some pretty exciting news. I am going to live forever now. I'll realize my own legacy. And you... [scoffs] you're off the hook. You can do whatever–
Did you do it? Did you rapе my mom?
What?! Of course not. Who told you–Did William Butcher tell you that? Your mother and I, we had an affair. A consensual affair between two adults.
Well, yeah, because I'm shocked. And–And frankly, my heart's breaking a little bit that you could think I would do something like that–
[Ryan lasers Homelander, leaving a visible wound near his chest]
[Ryan lunges at Homelander and shoves him against the wall. Homelander ducks below Ryan's fist to avoid getting punched by him.]
Ryan! I don't know where this is coming from, because your mother… She came on to me.
[Ryan punches Homelander twice and tries to laser him again. Homelander quickly dodges him.]
Ryan! Son... [moves away to avoid another punch] Ryan! Ryan, buddy... Look what came out of it: My son! A blessing! [Ryan attacks him again] Hey, hey! Stop!
[Ryan readies another laser, which gets redirected when Homelander grabs his face. He punches Homelander in the face again, but Homelander gets the upper hand and slams Ryan several times into a box. Homelander wipes blood away from his nose as Ryan whimpers in pain.]
Oh, Ryan... Dammit. Look at what you made me do. [pause; kneels down to restrain Ryan] Shh... Shh, shh, shh. Hey... It's okay. My sweet, sweet boy.
[Homelander proceeds to punch Ryan repeatedly in the face until he is beaten nearly to death]
I need you for something.
I have received the most wonderful message. I was visited... by an angel. And she foretold my destiny.
Wow. Well, praise be. And what is it?
Sir, that is wonderful. There is no higher calling than servin' the Lord.
Oh, no. Not serving the Lord. Being the Lord. I am the Messiah. I'm the savior of the world.
[Firecracker smiles despite her being clearly disturbed by Homelander's delusions]
Thank you. [pause; Firecracker giggles nervously] I always knew I was special. I knew it. I suffered. I suffered so many hardships, and I... I couldn't understand why, but you... You... You always saw it, didn't you? You knew all along I was special. That is why I have chosen you to spread the word of my coming.
Well, we control the most powerful media apparatus on Earth. Jesus would kill for our marketing. What do you say?
...Well, you know I would do anything for you, sir.
[The Boys are hiking through the woods near Fort Harmony]
It's weird. No birds or animals. It's like…
Fuckin' hell. [to Mother's Milk] Had to park on the other side of the state, didn't ya?
MSMother's Milk
Well, if the hike's too hard, why don't you try tying your boots, mοthеrfuckеr.
[Hughie is shocked to see a heavily decomposed corpse]
Eh. Not really my type, son.
Hey, how about showing a little respect?
MSMother's Milk
You know, Hughie's right, Butcher. You should take her out to dinner first. [chuckles; sighs] Let's see here. Based on the decomp, these bodies have been here for a while.
Something ripped them apart. Whatever killed those Boy Scouts might still stalk these woods.
Let's get a move on, then. Didn't come out here to get bummed by Bigfoot.
[...]
MSMother's Milk
Could already be inside.
[to Hughie] What's wrong?
No. I almost died, but she made it all about her and she took off. I mean, last year, I got bad-touched by a shape-shifter, and she still found a way to make it about her. She can be such a fucking bitch. [pause; sees Kimiko looking at him in shock] Uh... Jesus. Sorry, I–I didn't mean for that to come out so harsh.
[The Boys see an entire field littered with animal carcasses]
MSMother's Milk
The fuck happened here?
Our V'd-up beast enjoyed an amuse-bouche, perhaps?
Well, explains why we didn't hear no animals.
I said that ten minutes ago.
[The Boys discover more decomposed corpses as they make their way downstairs to the lab inside Fort Harmony]
Fuckin' hell. They've been here a minute, haven't they?
Decades. Hunters... [pause; notices the knives embedded in the corpses] Look at their knives. These men, they killed each other. What if there is a monster here, but it's us?
What the fuck are you on about, Frenchie?
Toxoplasmosis. It's a parasite in cat shit. It can infect humans. Makes them react with explosive anger.
You think we ate cat shit?
Ate? No... If the V1 spilled into the groundwater, it could mutate the plants. Their spores fill us with rage, we murder each other, and voilà. We're plant food for these vines.
Okay, so like The Last of Us?
No, that is just The Walking Dead with mushrooms. The dead campers, the animals, these hunters... Surely, you all see how strangely you've been acting.
Us? I've seen you blow cоcaіnе up your dіckhole.
Wait... You have a point. The copious amount of drug I've taken for decades has surely altered my brain chemistry. That's why I'm not affected.
Guess being a junkie was good for something after all.
MSMother's Milk
[laughs] Romeo and fuckin' Juliet. You two survive this war, I give you six months tops.
[Homelander and Soldier Boy search the ground floor of Fort Harmony while the Boys are in the basement below looking for the V1]
[sniffs] Smells like deer piss. The last time I was here, I was fresh off the front lines, still picking Nazi brains out of my hair. And only the best of the best got selected for Dr. Vought's trials.
Not soft little hog-chompers.
Of course. No, I forgot how tough you were.
Hey, I'm not the weirdo who doesn't fuck. I mean, your cock's as useless as your cape. What's the point of being famous if you're not getting your dіck wet?
Oh, my dіck was sopping wet when I pulled it out of Stormfront and wiped it on her fucking chin!
[pause; looks down at the decomposed corpses] Ooh, look. More uggos.
[They unknowingly set off the motion detector that the Boys set up near the stairs]
MSMother's Milk
Oh, shit. They're right above us.
We best get the fuck outta here. Come on.
Hey. Hey, what about the V1?
MSMother's Milk
If Bombsight has the V1, then it saves us from having to torch it.
What are you talking about? Who's "us"?
[beat] What? You think the world needs more immortal cunts, do ya?
We need it to save Annie and Kimiko! You've been planning this this whole time, haven't you?!
Shh. Homelander will hear us.
[to Mother's Milk] And you, you've just been going along with it again.
MSMother's Milk
We can't take the risk, Hughie. And if she has to be collateral damage so that Homelander dies and my daughter lives, we ain't got no fucking choice!
Oh, easy for you to say. It won't fucking kill you!
Well, at least he knows when to keep his gob shut and do as he's fuckin' told!
MSMother's Milk
Excuse me?
No, no, no. We don't have time for this. We need to find a way out now.
MSMother's Milk
Wanna know a little secret, Butcher? I cheered when I found out that you were dying, 'cause at least we'd finally be done with your miserable ass.
You know, I used to say to these guys, "Don't give up on Butcher. There's good in him fighting to get out." I was wrong. If there was anything human in there, it's dead. Underneath that chestful of octo-cocks, you are just a fucking monster.
Well, maybe I like it better that way.
That parasite's not just in you. It is you. You're the cancer!
You are just as bad as Homelander, maybe worse. And I'm not gonna let you drag us all down with you.
And whatcha gonna do about it?
[chuckles] Tough guy, my ass.
You, your whole bit. This whole "guts and glory" thing. What a fucking joke. I read your classified file. Your brother won a Silver Star for bravery at Anzio, and that's what made you beg your father to buy you a spot in Dr. Vought's trials. Because it killed you to see your brother dripping in all that glory, making you look all the more feeble in comparison.
You don't know shit about me.
Really? I know that when they tried to inject you with the V, you were so fucking petrified that they had to strap you to the table. And you pissed yourself, crying for your mommy like the whiny, spoiled little rich boy that you are. They gave you the world, and you? You deserve nothing.
[Soldier Boy stands by as Homelander walks into a small chamber]
[sighs] Oh, Christ. What's this shithole now?
[Soldier Boy shuts the door while Homelander isn't looking and turns the wheel to lock him inside the chamber]
[Soldier Boy bends the wheel with his bare hands and tears it off the door]
[sarcastically] Oh, well done. I'll be out of here in 30 seconds!
[Soldier Boy pulls down a lever to open a radioactive valve. Homelander's face immediately starts blistering from the radiation.]
It's enriched uranium. They'd stick us Supes in there to see if we could survive an atomic bomb. Now, for a normal joe, they'd be dead in minutes. But for you, it's a stomach flu. Good luck, though, getting out of a Supe-proof cell while you're bleeding out of your ass.
[Homelander fails to kill Soldier Boy by lasering him. He punches the glass as Soldier Boy walks off.]
I'm gonna go destroy any V1 that I find, you Triple Crown cock jockey.
You don't get it, do you? How much I can't fucking stand you.
[Butcher sees Homelander trapped inside the uranium chamber]
[laughs] Oh, if only the world could see you now. Not so fuckin' super, are ya? You, uh... [points at Homelander's face] You got a bit of... [pause; Homelander coughs] Did your dad put you in timeout? Ooh… That's gotta sting, knowin' he'd rather spend eternity all alone than with the likes of you. What's the matter? Cunt got your tongue? Will wonders ever cease? [chuckles; lights cigarette] Tell me something. If you do get the juice in you, you think that makes you a god, don't ya? Seems like I know you pretty well after all. Which is why I know that even if you had a billion twats garglin' your bollocks and singin' "Hosanna", you still wouldn't be happy. 'Cause deep down, you're just a weak, thin-skinned, needy little boy. You beat the shit outta your own son. Don't get weaker than that.
[laughs weakly while groaning in pain] Ryan is alive… because he's strong. 'Cause he's my son. The son of God.
You ain't no god. How's about I go fetch the virus, and then we'll watch you shit your fuckin' spine out?
[pause] You don't have it, do you? The virus.
No, you don't. You would have used it by now. [coughs; laughs hysterically] You have no way to stop me, do you? Oh, William. You have no idea what you're up against. You can't intervene. I will get the V1, and when I do, I'm gonna flay you alive. You, Starlight, all the nonbelievers. You're all gonna fuckin' drown in your own blood.
I promise you, before I die... I'll fuckin' have you. [walks away]
YOU'RE ALL FUCKING PASTE! I can take what's mine, and that makes this WHOLE FUCKING SHITBALL MY BIRTHRIGHT! MY DESTINY!
Next up is a $500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital. Ain’t nobody won’t know about the Democratic Church of America… and its chosen prophet.
[sighs] Prophets are servants.
Of course, sir. Great point. We’re just trying to ease people into it.
No, no, no. We need to prepare America for my ascension. We must be honest. We must be direct. I like “savior.” Or–Or…
Lord. Yes, I couldn’t agree more, sir. Religion is not about being meek. We should dominate the seven mountains of society, bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth! Amen!
Easter is just around the corner. How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
Mmm… Second coming? Let's be clear: I am not the son of God.
Well, of course. Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
Well, that's just confusing. I don't want my church getting involved in all... that.
Exactly. Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have… [picks up a bag with a large book inside] this.
[Firecracker kneels in front of Homelander, who accepts the book. He takes it out of the bag and sees "The Homelander Bible" with himself embossed on the cover.]
We're gonna drag our feet because of a book?
Not a book. The book. The Homelander Bible.
[pause; lifts the book with his hands] Heavy.
It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the brand new American Testament, written by A.I. trained on the works of Pat Robertson. See, we need to pass the torch, sir. From Jesus to you. Sir, we don't get more than one chance at a first impression. Are we really gonna rush something this important? We ain't Arby's, after all.
We're the Cheesecake Factory.
[sighs deeply] Okay. We'll do it your way.
You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
Oh, let's recall all Supes stationed overseas. American heroes should be protecting America, not Who-Gives-A-Fuckistan.
We ain't doin' that again.
[chuckles] That's what you said the last six times.
No, I really mean it this time.
You seem a little out of it. Did you nut? 'Cause usually, you nut.
[sighs] Were you baptized?
Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill. Governor Sproul did the honors. My family kept up appearances, of course. Then, we never set foot in church again.
I had lunch today with the reverend who baptized me. He's been gettin' heat to switch over to our church. You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him? Just... give him a little more time? I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but that man practically raised me.
So you didn't nut. You know, this whole Homelander as God shit, it's... it's fucking ridiculous.
If he's the second coming, then what does that make me? Joseph? I mean, talk about the biggest cuck in history. Man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin, and then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet. Fuck that.
I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
Of course I worship Homelander. I mean, he's always been a god to me.
Look, I'll tell you this. If there is a god... sure as hell didn't come out of my balls. I gotta go.
L.A… [snickers] I fucking hate L.A.
[Firecracker is filming her new episode of TruthBomb and starts reading her opening monologue from a teleprompter]
Welcome to Truthbomb. Our top story tonight's a personal one. It's the story of my hometown church, Holy Baptist of Daytona. It was the church I grew up in. Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday. But that church... That church…
[The teleprompter stops scrolling]
[beat] That church... has become a hotbed of Starlighter infestation. And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by Starlight's seditious propaganda. Now... I never told a soul this, but when I was a little girl, the reverend regularly had me over for supper. Alone. [pause; chuckles] No. Nothing ever happened to me, but... [sighs] I heard stories about his "Fish Fry Fridays." And if that ain't code for child groomin', I don't know what is. How much longer are we gonna let these institutional pedo churches diddle our babies? Americans deserve better. They deserve... Homelander. They deserve the Democratic Church of America. [starts crying]
Would you like some knee pads?
You're looking at me like you wanna suck my hog. So I'm asking you if you would like some knee pads.
Go easy on the little guy. He brought me Stan Edgar.
[Soldier Boy stays behind with Homelander in the conference room as the rest of The Seven leave]
What crawled up your shithole?
When you're pissy, you tend to make everybody else's lives pissy too. Stan Edgar still stonewalling you?
I've talked to him three times now. Says he has no idea where the V1 is. Heart rate steady as a rock. I'm starting to believe him.
That slippery fuck used to fetch my cоcaіnе. [pause] You know what? I have an idea. Why don't I take a crack at him? [Homelander stares at him] What, you don't trust me?
Well, you did lock me in a room with nuclear material and tried to stop me getting the V1, so I'm sure you can understand my hesitance.
You could've killed me at Fort Harmony, but you didn't. Maybe I feel like I owe you.
Maybe. [inhales deeply] Give me an hour. I'll meet you at Edgar's cell.
If you and M.M. still think–
Oh, for fuck's sakes, Hughie. Knock it off with this V1 shite! You're doin' me fuckin' head in! [sees his dog Terror eating out of the trash] Oi, Terror. Cut it out. Come on. [to Hughie] Now, listen. If we do find that stuff, we're not makin' any fuckin' vaccines out of it, alright? We're not the department of fuckin' health. We burn that shit before Homelander gets his paws on it, and that's that.
Well, if you wanna kill yourself, knock yourself out, but why do you have to decide for the rest of us?
Oh, 'cause I'm fuckin' right! 'Cause I've always been right! I've been tellin' you lot from the fuckin' start the sky is fallin', and guess what? The sky fuckin' fell.
Well, you kinda helped bring it down.
Oh, don't give me that bollocks. Listen, Homelander thinks he's a fuckin' god. Once he becomes immortal, he's gonna start killin' like one, and we are talkin' millions of people. Now, are you tellin' me you're honestly happy to risk all of that for a life on the run with your girl, knowin' that you could've stopped it? You can live with that, can ya?
What if it was Becca? You'd just let her die?
Look… I know that Homelander comes first. I really do. All I'm asking is that we try. Annie and Kimiko deserve that much.
[Mister Marathon and Malchemical try to convince Soldier Boy to kill Homelander while he is unconscious]
MMMister Marathon
Hey, man, we don't have a problem with you. Honest, [stutters] but–but fuck this fucking guy. You know, he fuckеd my life. Look, if you help us get rid of him, then we all win, and you–you can have The Seven. And I don't even, like, really care if you bring me back or whatever.
I don't need to kill him to get The Seven.
MMMister Marathon
No. Yeah, of course not, but what about all that creepy shit he's doing with that church? I mean, they're rounding up everybody cool. All the hοοkers, the drug dealers.
MMalchemical
They wanna ban pοrn. I mean, they wanna ban fucking abortions!
Okay, well, banning abortion would be a big problem for me personally.
MMMister Marathon
Exactly, for all of us. So, if we kill him, we can stop worrying about being cops or gods or asexual weirdos. You know, we can go back to fucking and–and being fucking awesome!
MMalchemical
Look, we know you've got that fucked-up chest blast thing. I mean, I was at Herogasm. I saw it.
MMMister Marathon
Just finish him now. Take away his powers, so we can curb stomp him while we have the chance.
[beat; looks down at Homelander] He is a fucking asexual weirdo.
But as much as it pains me to say this, he's my fucking asexual weirdo. Nobody fucks my son but me.
[Firecracker sees Homelander sitting on the couch in the Seven common room]
Homelander… How was L.A.? Did you catch tonight's Truthbomb?
I did indeed. And it was a real barn-burner. Well done.
[smiles] Thank you, sir. That means the world.
[pause] How's sеx with my father? [Firecracker's smile disappears] Is he good at it? Are you thinking about me when you're making love to him?
I never meant to cross a line or offend you in...
Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Don't fret, little one. I don't care about the sеx, really. But I do care about your little chats after sеx.
Sir, whatever Soldier Boy told you, I can assure you that I...
You mean your inner turmoil when it comes to me and, uh... Jesus? Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
No, you are my one and only savior.
You say that, but your jagged little heart is whirring like a hummingbird. [sighs; gets up from the couch] You're supposed to worship me, love me and me alone.
I believed in you. Turns out, you don't believe in me. [pause] I need you to collect your things and leave.
But I do believe in you. I love you! I'm the only one here who ever has! I gave you everything! I gave you my soul! Everybody else here, they're just... They're just scared of you. Or they want something from you, but I have always loved you for you. Just the strongest, smartest, best man on Earth.
No, no, no, no, no. [gets in front of Homelander] A god. No. No, the God. My Lord, that look you used to get when you'd suckle me? I felt like Mother Mary herself. I felt blessed to nourish someone as important as you. [pause; Homelander sighs] But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it? You cast me out into the cold, which was so much worse than never feeling your warmth in the first place. So all I have been tryin' to do is to get you to see me the way that you used to. Hell, only reason I was with Soldier Boy was that your reflected light is better than no light at all. Please, sir. I love you. We all need love, don't we? Even God.
[Homelander reaches his hand out to touch Firecracker's cheek, then kills her by impaling her head on the left wing of an eagle statue]
