Ashley[enters elevator with Sage] Listen. I know you're the smartest woman on Earth–
Ashley
Let me give you some advice. You know, girls supporting girls. You cannot talk to Homelander like that.
I'm telling him the truth. You're so afraid of him, you've plucked yourself bald. If I were you, I'd make myself useful. You know, get some lactation going, let him suck on those titties before you end up like Madelyn Stillwell.
[The Deep gets in the elevator when the doors open]
Oh, Ashley, hey. What's up? Just the girl boss I wanted to see. I've been looking everywhere for you. Hey, so I heard that Ryan's doing his first solo save. I wanna talk to you about something. I have this idea. [clears throat] Okay, so what if–and just hear me out on this–what if I was there? That's it. That's the pitch.
Ashley
Hmm. You wanna join a family-friendly PG save? While PETA still has you on their bestiality watchlist? [smiling] I swear to God. Stupid people who think they're smart make me want to eat my own shit!
[Ashley walks out the elevator, leaving Sage alone with The Deep]
Why do you let her talk to you like that?
She's just a bitch. It's probably that time of the month. It's like a full moon thing, isn't it?
You're a genetically superior being, and she's the evolutionary equivalent of a capybara.
It's a giant rodent from South America.
You're better than her. Act like it. [pause; elevator doors open] And you should be at the save. It's a good idea. [walks out of elevator]
[approaches Ashley backstage during the V52 Expo; Ashley turns to look at him] No, keep your eyes forward. Don't let them see us talking.
Ashley
Who?
Sage, Homelander, all of them.
Ashley
Oh, God, are you on meth?
Remember when we said we'd help each other? The leak wasn't Anika; it was me.
Ashley
[in a panicked whisper] What the fuck? What the fuck, are you fucking suicidal?!
[whispering to her] Shh… Just… Just chill out, Ashley.
Ashley
Chill out? You just made me a fucking accomplice, you piece of shit. I took one shit in Homelander's toilet, I'm not joining the fucking Rebel Alliance. I need to tell him.
Hey. You've done a lot more than just take a shit, and we both know that. We made a deal. So you either help me get Sage off my jock, or you go down with me.
Stop, stop, stop! This song isn't cool. Well, honestly, none of this is cool.
Ashley
Go to fucking commercial!
No, don't go to commercial. Keep rolling, please. Your family isn’t your enemy. Your family is all you’ve got. [pause] I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot lately. She died. But she loved Christmas… and s’mores with Reese’s. And Terms of Endearment… and she loved her husband, Billy, but she wouldn’t love this. She wouldn’t want me doing it. My mom always told me to tell the truth, which is why… I’m sorry.
[Cut to Butcher watching Ryan on TV at a bar]
And that… is why I got faith in the kid, [points at Ryan on the TV] you little fuckin' beauty. [downs bourbon shot]
[Homelander and Neuman are on Firecracker's talk show]
Welcome to the show, folks. We got a real happy surprise for y’all today. Homelander and Vice President-elect, Victoria Neuman. Bless both your hearts for bein' here.
I’m more than happy to find time for my friend, Homelander.
Yeah, let’s cut the BS. Dakota Bob says he’s gonna pass nutbag anti-Supe laws in his first hundred days.
[Homelander stares menacingly at Neuman for a few moments]
…staunch ally of the super-abled community, I really think that it’s important to…
[laughs] Ally, Victoria? Really? We’re here to tell the truth. So just… tell the truth.
The truth is that the real issue here is lack of representation. And I wanna make sure that you–
Fine, you don’t wanna do it? I’ll do it. Victoria here is a superhero.
[chuckles] Thanks for the compliment. But, like, I think the truth is we all wanna be heroes. But I’m not literally a su–
[Homelander lasers Neuman in the face. Ashley and her Vought assistants are utterly shocked to see Neuman completely unharmed.]
Ashley
[gasps] Oh, fuck!
It’s all true. Ms. Neuman here has been operating as a secret dagger in the heart of the deep state, standing up to the forces of darkness that wanna sodomize our democracy and our toddlers. But it is time for the great awakening. Where we go one, we go Vought, y’all. We’re gonna take a quick break…
[Cut to Butcher and Mallory watching the interview from the hospital]
Cunt’s out of the bag, innit? Now it gets interesting.
[...]
[to Homelander] Hey! Hey, I worked my whole life to keep that secret!
Well, secrets rot your soul. You’re unburdened. You should thank me.
Fuck Sage. She’s long gone. Listen to me. Listen to me. We are gonna change the world, Vicky. For our kids and their kids. The first super-abled President. And you’re a gal.
Because I have to get re-elected in four years.
Article Two of the Constitution.
New world, new rules. Now, shut the fuck up and listen! Our fates are connected now. Singer’s as good as dead, and I am the only fucking friend you’ve got left! The train has left the station, gorgeous. And you’re on it.
You’ll have to arrest half your company! Half the country!
[pause] What, you think I didn’t think of that? Of course I thought of that!
Ashley
Um, the response on socials has been mixed.
I need you to make a list of anyone within the company that has damaging information on me or The Seven… but mostly me. Anyone with any fucking leverage whatsoever.
Ashley
Yes.
I need this fucking list yesterday.
Ashley
Yes, sir.
[A V1-empowered Homelander sits in President Calhoun's chair in the Oval Office. He hears a knock at the door.]
Come in! [in a cheerful tone as Ashley and Calhoun enter] Hello, you two. Isn't it a beautiful day?
[nervously] You're welcome to use this office as long as you need.
I know. Let's get right to it! While Oh Father is hard at work on my divine unveiling, I have a few action items I need you to handle.
Ashley
Of course. Anything, sir.
The Democratic Church of America is to be the official national religion, based around the one true god: Me.
I want every boundary between church and state dissolved. I want troops sent into every sanctuary city that took in Starlighters. Issue an executive order banning abortion. Also, breastfeeding is now mandatory. Babies need their mothers, not fake milk. Actually, outlaw that, too.
Ashley
Sir?
[intensely] Ban nut milk. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was making you think nuts were milk. [snickers after a short silence]
Those are all, uh, fantastic ideas, sir. Um... I'll run them by Congress–
Disband Congress. It's better for freedom.
Well, sir, I don't really have that authority.
[frowns] Ashley, do me a favor. Read Steven's mind. I wanna know if he's a true believer.
But of... course I am, sir.
Terrific! Then you have nothing to worry about. [gets up and steps over to Ashley] Do it.
[He rips off her wig, and she gasps and covers her face in shame as "Back Ashley" is revealed]
[revolted] What the fuck is that?
?"Back Ashley"
Don't look!
?"Back Ashley"
[stammering in fear] Sir, I–I... Sir, I...
Ashley
[sighs; steels herself and turns back to Homelander] He's terrified of you, sir. He thinks you're just a tiny bit psychotic.
Steven! [steps towards Calhoun, glaring intensely] Here I am. A living god. [rests his hands on Calhoun's shoulders] Right before your eyes... and still, your faith wavers? [beat; Calhoun is clearly too terrified to answer] It's okay. No, I'm not angry... [clasps his head gently] But I am disappointed.
[He crushes Calhoun's head into a pulp, then wipes the blood off his hands on a sofa. An utterly terrified Ashley stares at Calhoun's body as Homelander sits back down.]
The Boys · 278 quotes
