Oi. Ain't you supposed to be a giant ice dіldо?
SBSoldier Boy
Aren't you supposed to be smart? Renting a truck under the name "Don T. Beakunt." Same alias when we headed to Herogasm.
Well, oldie, but a goodie.
[Soldier Boy sees Hughie and Kimiko get out of the truck and run away]
No, mate. Just you and me.
[Soldier Boy shoots Butcher three times, but to no avail. Butcher, still standing, looks down at his chest then looks back up at Soldier Boy.]
SBSoldier Boy
I guess it's true. You're one of us now.
Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Then fuckin' beat 'em.
SBSoldier Boy
Being super is not gonna save you.
That don't stop us helpin' each other. Homelander's double the cunt now, if that's even possible. He needs doin' more than ever. You still fancy his seat on The Seven, don't ya?
SBSoldier Boy
Fuck you! We had a deal! I held up my end of the bargain, and you sold me out. Put me back in a fucking box! And for what? 'Cause I was gonna kill some dumb kid?
That kid is your grandson.
SBSoldier Boy
Well, was it worth it? You feeling good about that call right about now? Where is that fucking brat?
Homelander's the one fuckin' you over, mate. Or did he mention that we've got an uber virus strong enough to kill every fuckin' Supe on the planet?
God's honest. The things this virus can do... Fuckin' diabolical. Why d'you think he sent you here instead of coming himself, hmm? You're the sacrificial cunt. Again.
SBSoldier Boy
I guess we'll see.
You don't get it, do ya? Me, Homelander, your old crew–Everyone fucks you over. Do you wanna know why? 'Cause you... are a dumb fuckin' twat.
SBSoldier Boy
Homelander?
SBSoldier Boy
What do you– [sees Homelander taking a bath] What in the fuck? Is that milk?
Better. Breastmilk from the NICU at Mount Sinai.
SBSoldier Boy
So, what? You asked me up here so I could watch you swim in tit jizz?
I wanna give you another chance.
SBSoldier Boy
You wanna give me another chance?
Yes. Help me find that V1.
SBSoldier Boy
I'd rather fist myself with a handful of razors. Besides, Cleopatra Jones said there's no V1 to find.
Oh, there most certainly is. And I am going to find it.
SBSoldier Boy
Yeah? What makes you so sure?
[smiling] An angel told me. It's my destiny.
SBSoldier Boy
Just when I thought there was a ceiling to how fuckin' weird you could get.
Yes, yes. Make your jokes. You've been blessed with immortality, and what have you done with it? Drink and fuck yourself numb. You... You are a disappointment. You see... [stands up and gets out of the tub] I am not gonna waste my immortality. I am gonna take what's rightfully mine. I'm asking you if you want a seat at the table because you're my father. But with or without you... a reckoning is coming.
SBSoldier Boy
[beat] You know, all I see is a freak. A freak with a bushel of gray pubes. Try some Just for Men.
[Soldier Boy and Firecracker are on her TruthBomb talk show set preparing for their interview together]
It's an honor to have a great American like yourself on the show. I guess it runs in the family, huh? Homelander's father… Dang.
SBSoldier Boy
[looks at the gun at Firecracker's hip] Glock, huh? Never saw the appeal in foreign-made guns.
Well, this ain't your granddaddy's Glock. This here's a 9mm Gen 5, seven-round capacity with a crisp fuckin' break.
SBSoldier Boy
Well, mine's a much longer barrel. [takes out his pistol] Battle-proven, all-American Colt 1911 chambered in .45 ACP. [cocks pistol] That'll blow your fuckin' panties off. Now, that little Glock–That's good for a late-night Harlem stroll, but uh, this here? That's a certified Kraut killer.
I think you mean an antique.
SBSoldier Boy
I mean a classic. You wanna give it a try? [Firecracker examines the pistol] Now, some can't handle the kick, but something tells me you'll do just fine.
[Cut to Soldier Boy and Firecracker in bed together after having sex]
SBSoldier Boy
Whew. Well, I gotta hand it to you. I haven't fuckеd that hard since... since I railed Shari Lewis on the balcony of Studio 54.
I ain't got no idea who that is.
SBSoldier Boy
Well... Hey, why the hairless pussy?
[gives Soldier Boy a disgusted look] What?
SBSoldier Boy
I mean, what's the point of going down there if you're not gonna get a fat face full of fur? Is that how Homelander likes you? Like a baby?
[sighs] More like a mother.
SBSoldier Boy
But you two have fuckеd, right?
SBSoldier Boy
Damn. I gotta admit, I was kinda just doing this as petty revenge against the freak.
That's terrible. Who would do such a thing? And you shouldn't say that about your son.
SBSoldier Boy
Ah, he thinks he's better than me.
SBSoldier Boy
How do you know?
I don't know much, but I can read people. And the way he looks at you? Shoot. I ain't never seen him look at nobody like that.
SBSoldier Boy
Uh, that's not exactly a compliment, doll. He is the strangest mοthеrfuckеr I've ever known, and I've had a threesome with Gary Busey.
[Homelander and Soldier Boy search the ground floor of Fort Harmony while the Boys are in the basement below looking for the V1]
SBSoldier Boy
[sniffs] Smells like deer piss. The last time I was here, I was fresh off the front lines, still picking Nazi brains out of my hair. And only the best of the best got selected for Dr. Vought's trials.
SBSoldier Boy
Not soft little hog-chompers.
Of course. No, I forgot how tough you were.
SBSoldier Boy
Hey, I'm not the weirdo who doesn't fuck. I mean, your cock's as useless as your cape. What's the point of being famous if you're not getting your dіck wet?
Oh, my dіck was sopping wet when I pulled it out of Stormfront and wiped it on her fucking chin!
SBSoldier Boy
[pause; looks down at the decomposed corpses] Ooh, look. More uggos.
[They unknowingly set off the motion detector that the Boys set up near the stairs]
MSMother's Milk
Oh, shit. They're right above us.
We best get the fuck outta here. Come on.
Hey. Hey, what about the V1?
MSMother's Milk
If Bombsight has the V1, then it saves us from having to torch it.
What are you talking about? Who's "us"?
[beat] What? You think the world needs more immortal cunts, do ya?
We need it to save Annie and Kimiko! You've been planning this this whole time, haven't you?!
Shh. Homelander will hear us.
[to Mother's Milk] And you, you've just been going along with it again.
MSMother's Milk
We can't take the risk, Hughie. And if she has to be collateral damage so that Homelander dies and my daughter lives, we ain't got no fucking choice!
Oh, easy for you to say. It won't fucking kill you!
Well, at least he knows when to keep his gob shut and do as he's fuckin' told!
MSMother's Milk
Excuse me?
No, no, no. We don't have time for this. We need to find a way out now.
MSMother's Milk
Wanna know a little secret, Butcher? I cheered when I found out that you were dying, 'cause at least we'd finally be done with your miserable ass.
You know, I used to say to these guys, "Don't give up on Butcher. There's good in him fighting to get out." I was wrong. If there was anything human in there, it's dead. Underneath that chestful of octo-cocks, you are just a fucking monster.
Well, maybe I like it better that way.
That parasite's not just in you. It is you. You're the cancer!
You are just as bad as Homelander, maybe worse. And I'm not gonna let you drag us all down with you.
And whatcha gonna do about it?
[chuckles] Tough guy, my ass.
You, your whole bit. This whole "guts and glory" thing. What a fucking joke. I read your classified file. Your brother won a Silver Star for bravery at Anzio, and that's what made you beg your father to buy you a spot in Dr. Vought's trials. Because it killed you to see your brother dripping in all that glory, making you look all the more feeble in comparison.
SBSoldier Boy
You don't know shit about me.
Really? I know that when they tried to inject you with the V, you were so fucking petrified that they had to strap you to the table. And you pissed yourself, crying for your mommy like the whiny, spoiled little rich boy that you are. They gave you the world, and you? You deserve nothing.
[Soldier Boy stands by as Homelander walks into a small chamber]
[sighs] Oh, Christ. What's this shithole now?
[Soldier Boy shuts the door while Homelander isn't looking and turns the wheel to lock him inside the chamber]
[Soldier Boy bends the wheel with his bare hands and tears it off the door]
[sarcastically] Oh, well done. I'll be out of here in 30 seconds!
SBSoldier Boy
Maybe. Maybe not.
[Soldier Boy pulls down a lever to open a radioactive valve. Homelander's face immediately starts blistering from the radiation.]
SBSoldier Boy
It's enriched uranium. They'd stick us Supes in there to see if we could survive an atomic bomb. Now, for a normal joe, they'd be dead in minutes. But for you, it's a stomach flu. Good luck, though, getting out of a Supe-proof cell while you're bleeding out of your ass.
[Homelander fails to kill Soldier Boy by lasering him. He punches the glass as Soldier Boy walks off.]
SBSoldier Boy
I'm gonna go destroy any V1 that I find, you Triple Crown cock jockey.
SBSoldier Boy
You don't get it, do you? How much I can't fucking stand you.
Next up is a $500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital. Ain’t nobody won’t know about the Democratic Church of America… and its chosen prophet.
[sighs] Prophets are servants.
Of course, sir. Great point. We’re just trying to ease people into it.
No, no, no. We need to prepare America for my ascension. We must be honest. We must be direct. I like “savior.” Or–Or…
Lord. Yes, I couldn’t agree more, sir. Religion is not about being meek. We should dominate the seven mountains of society, bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth! Amen!
Easter is just around the corner. How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
Mmm… Second coming? Let's be clear: I am not the son of God.
Well, of course. Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
Well, that's just confusing. I don't want my church getting involved in all... that.
Exactly. Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have… [picks up a bag with a large book inside] this.
[Firecracker kneels in front of Homelander, who accepts the book. He takes it out of the bag and sees "The Homelander Bible" with himself embossed on the cover.]
We're gonna drag our feet because of a book?
Not a book. The book. The Homelander Bible.
[pause; lifts the book with his hands] Heavy.
SBSoldier Boy
[quietly] What the fuck?
It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the brand new American Testament, written by A.I. trained on the works of Pat Robertson. See, we need to pass the torch, sir. From Jesus to you. Sir, we don't get more than one chance at a first impression. Are we really gonna rush something this important? We ain't Arby's, after all.
We're the Cheesecake Factory.
[sighs deeply] Okay. We'll do it your way.
You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
Oh, let's recall all Supes stationed overseas. American heroes should be protecting America, not Who-Gives-A-Fuckistan.
We ain't doin' that again.
SBSoldier Boy
[chuckles] That's what you said the last six times.
No, I really mean it this time.
SBSoldier Boy
You seem a little out of it. Did you nut? 'Cause usually, you nut.
[sighs] Were you baptized?
SBSoldier Boy
Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill. Governor Sproul did the honors. My family kept up appearances, of course. Then, we never set foot in church again.
I had lunch today with the reverend who baptized me. He's been gettin' heat to switch over to our church. You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him? Just... give him a little more time? I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but that man practically raised me.
SBSoldier Boy
So you didn't nut. You know, this whole Homelander as God shit, it's... it's fucking ridiculous.
SBSoldier Boy
If he's the second coming, then what does that make me? Joseph? I mean, talk about the biggest cuck in history. Man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin, and then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet. Fuck that.
I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
SBSoldier Boy
[deadpan] Okay.
Of course I worship Homelander. I mean, he's always been a god to me.
SBSoldier Boy
Look, I'll tell you this. If there is a god... sure as hell didn't come out of my balls. I gotta go.
SBSoldier Boy
L.A… [snickers] I fucking hate L.A.
SBSoldier Boy
Would you like some knee pads?
SBSoldier Boy
You're looking at me like you wanna suck my hog. So I'm asking you if you would like some knee pads.
Go easy on the little guy. He brought me Stan Edgar.
[Soldier Boy stays behind with Homelander in the conference room as the rest of The Seven leave]
SBSoldier Boy
What crawled up your shithole?
SBSoldier Boy
When you're pissy, you tend to make everybody else's lives pissy too. Stan Edgar still stonewalling you?
I've talked to him three times now. Says he has no idea where the V1 is. Heart rate steady as a rock. I'm starting to believe him.
SBSoldier Boy
That slippery fuck used to fetch my cоcaіnе. [pause] You know what? I have an idea. Why don't I take a crack at him? [Homelander stares at him] What, you don't trust me?
Well, you did lock me in a room with nuclear material and tried to stop me getting the V1, so I'm sure you can understand my hesitance.
SBSoldier Boy
You could've killed me at Fort Harmony, but you didn't. Maybe I feel like I owe you.
SBSoldier Boy
Maybe. [inhales deeply] Give me an hour. I'll meet you at Edgar's cell.
[Mister Marathon and Malchemical try to convince Soldier Boy to kill Homelander while he is unconscious]
MMMister Marathon
Hey, man, we don't have a problem with you. Honest, [stutters] but–but fuck this fucking guy. You know, he fuckеd my life. Look, if you help us get rid of him, then we all win, and you–you can have The Seven. And I don't even, like, really care if you bring me back or whatever.
SBSoldier Boy
I don't need to kill him to get The Seven.
MMMister Marathon
No. Yeah, of course not, but what about all that creepy shit he's doing with that church? I mean, they're rounding up everybody cool. All the hοοkers, the drug dealers.
MMalchemical
They wanna ban pοrn. I mean, they wanna ban fucking abortions!
SBSoldier Boy
Okay, well, banning abortion would be a big problem for me personally.
MMMister Marathon
Exactly, for all of us. So, if we kill him, we can stop worrying about being cops or gods or asexual weirdos. You know, we can go back to fucking and–and being fucking awesome!
MMalchemical
Look, we know you've got that fucked-up chest blast thing. I mean, I was at Herogasm. I saw it.
MMMister Marathon
Just finish him now. Take away his powers, so we can curb stomp him while we have the chance.
SBSoldier Boy
[beat; looks down at Homelander] He is a fucking asexual weirdo.
SBSoldier Boy
But as much as it pains me to say this, he's my fucking asexual weirdo. Nobody fucks my son but me.
SBSoldier Boy
…That came out wrong.
[Homelander and Soldier Boy look around Bombsight's empty house to find the V1]
SBSoldier Boy
You sure this is the right address?
SBSoldier Boy
Well, there's no sign of Bombsight... or fucking anyone. Maybe Crime Analytics got a bad tip.
[Homelander sees a laptop on the table. When he opens it up, a video of him and Stormfront having sex starts playing. He notices Soldier Boy watching along with him and closes the laptop.]
SBSoldier Boy
What the fuck was that?
SBSoldier Boy
That was Clara. You told me she killed herself.
She did, after Ryan did that to her. It's his fault.
SBSoldier Boy
So then what? You locked her in your apartment like some kind of amputee fuck doll...
SBSoldier Boy
...and filmed her for kicks?
No, no, no! It wasn't like that! I did... I did everything I could to keep her alive, to–to make her happy. [Soldier Boy punches him] Just listen to me, okay?! It wasn't all like... that. I couldn't let her go. I didn't know how... because I loved her. And so did you.
SBSoldier Boy
You're goddamn right I loved her.
She wouldn't want us fighting over her.
SBSoldier Boy
Don't fucking tell me what she would want! You knew her for five minutes; I was with her for decades!
Hold–Hold on. This–This is a setup. Someone's trying to separate us. This has been plan... Fucking Sage. It's Sage. You see? She's trying to screw with us. [Soldier Boy turns around to leave] Oh, come on! I can't find the V1 without you!
SBSoldier Boy
[pause; turns back around] Good. You don't deserve to live forever.
SBSoldier Boy
Tough skin or not, I can still break your fuckin' neck!
BBombsight
Ben, stop. Please.
SBSoldier Boy
[pause; lets Bombsight go] Goddammit.
BBombsight
[beat] I can't give it to you.
SBSoldier Boy
Goldie doesn't even wanna take it.
BBombsight
Then maybe someday, I'll find someone who will!
SBSoldier Boy
You were always gonna fuck it up with Goldie anyway. You could never hold down a girl! It was either a smack needle up your dick or—
BBombsight
Having to stand next to you? You were everyone's favorite from the start, especially Clara. Everything they wanted us to be–everything they were working towards–they saw it in you. I fucking hated you for it.
SBSoldier Boy
No. No, I wasn't everything Clara wanted. I didn't know how to be.
BBombsight
But you loved her. What wouldn't you give to have her back... forever?
SBSoldier Boy
…I really fuckin' hate you.
SBSoldier Boy
But we don't have to kill each other. I can take away your immortality... and your powers. You won't have to live forever alone. Then, you and Goldie can spend whatever time you have left like you want.
BBombsight
Why would you do that for me?
SBSoldier Boy
I'd do it for the V1.
[Bombsight hands a case to Soldier Boy, who opens it to find a V1 syringe inside. The Boys hear an explosion from far away and run towards it. Cut to Bombsight looking at the wound near his shoulder.]
BBombsight
This is the first time I've seen my blood in... I can't remember.
[Homelander finds Soldier Boy with the V1 syringe he received from Bombsight. The Boys and Sister Sage watch them from the nearby woods.]
Don't. I don't wanna fight you.
SBSoldier Boy
[looks down at the syringe] You know, Clara used to say the craziest shit. That I was the strongest Supe alive, the ultimate expression of what we could be... but she was wrong. [pause] She hadn't met you yet.
[Soldier Boy offers the syringe to Homelander, who accepts it]
I don't understand. He wasn't supposed to... It's impossible.
SBSoldier Boy
I love her more... and this is what she would want.
[Homelander lasers his left arm and injects the V1 into his wound. His eyes immediately start flickering and he kneels on the ground in pain. The Boys watch in horror as Homelander screams and shoots powerful lasers into the sky.]
[Soldier Boy sees Homelander standing over a scale model of a Homelander-themed amusement park]
SBSoldier Boy
The fuck is all this?
Hey. HomeLand. Next phase of the reboot. Showing the faithful my boundless love for them. [points at a monument of himself] That there? The Homelander Mount. We're saying that this is where the angel visited me, and I ascended to godhood.
You're gonna love this. [waves his hand over a rollercoaster] This area here? We're calling it: "Soldier Boy: Father of God!" All the fastest rides are gonna be there, and every night, there's gonna be a ticker-tape parade honoring you.
SBSoldier Boy
[pause] I'm gonna head down to Bogotá. Figure I'll snort and fuck my way through the banana republics.
Uh... When are you coming back?
SBSoldier Boy
Probably not for… ever.
What? Look, if you don't like the park, I mean, forget it. I don't–I don't care about any of it. You want hοοker and blow? I'll get you all the drugs and all the wrinkly old whοres in America.
SBSoldier Boy
No, you're not hearing me.
No, you're not hearing me. I am where I am because you chose me. To help me. So, I want you to have whatever you want.
SBSoldier Boy
What I want is to get away.
From what? [scoffs] Or from who?
SBSoldier Boy
This just ain't my bag, kid.
I welded your shield back together, you never use it. I hired you a three-star Michelin chef, all you ever order is meatloaf and chili. I even had L.J. mock up a new super suit for you.
[Homelander pulls out a poster of Soldier Boy wearing an American flag-patterned suit]
SBSoldier Boy
Oh, God. See, that's what I'm talking about.
SBSoldier Boy
I don't want that. And another thing: I gave you the V1 because of Clara. Because that's what she would've wanted. This was never gonna be a "playing catch on the front lawn", "fixing up the old Impala" bullshit. You're too weird.
Stop fucking saying that.
SBSoldier Boy
And you're no god. No angel came to you. You had a wet dream about some chick with big, juicy tіts. If that makes you a god, then I'm a fucking god every night.
SBSoldier Boy
[pause] Would it help if I said, "It's not you, it's me"?
[laughs softly] If you wanna go, go.
SBSoldier Boy
[sighs; pats Homelander on the back] Good luck, son.
[Homelander suddenly grabs Soldier Boy from behind and puts him in a chokehold until he passes out]
The Boys · 278 quotes
