Secret agent quotes from The Boondocks

Jazmine

(wiggling her tooth) The tooth fairy will be coming soon.

The tooth fairy?

Jazmine

Yup. Everytime I lose a tooth, the tooth fairy takes it away and leaves a dollar under my pillow.

There ain't no such thing as the tooth fairy.

Jazmine

Then who's leaving the money?

Probably your parents. They have both the cash and the access to your room.

Jazmine

Why would they lie to me?

Because the truth hurts Jazmine. The world is a hard and lonely place and nobody gets anything for free. And you want to know what else? One day, you and everyone you know is gonna die.

Jazmine

(runs away crying)

You enjoy abusing peoples' illusions. I respect that. It's thankless work. (pauses) Do you like my sunglasses? I wear sunglasses because my idol Dr. Bill Cosby wears sunglasses all the time, and you know what they say: "Cosbiness is next to Godliness."

Who are you?

Nobody, really. Just thought you might want to talk to someone who understands.

You don't know me.

I know you better than you think, Huey Freeman.

(surprised, he turns around only to find that the man has disappeared)

If your grandad has one weakness, it's bitches. 'Course they're my weakness too.

What are you doing here?

It's complicated, Huey. I'm a secret agent sent to spy on you. (Huey glares at him) Okay, maybe it's not that complicated.

Do spies usually introduce themselves to whoever they spy on? What spy school did you go to?

Eh. I'm too old to be sneaking around.

(passing through) Excuse us. Coming through.

What if I tell someone right now?

You tried that earlier in the kitchen. Remember? By the way, I wasn't really in the bathroom taking a dump, but ma-ha-ha-ha-han! Ah, that brother of yours is a hoot. And your grandfather? Those two need their own sitcom.

Leave me alone.

Look. Just because my job is to watch your every move and evesedrop on your every telephone call and monitor your every e-mail doesn't mean we can't be friends. (a worker passes by the secret agent, but after he finishes passing by, the agent has vanished)

I came up with a name for you. The White Shadow.

Hm... I'm white. I'm shadowing you. It's very clever.

And I decided that you are a figment of my overactive imagination.

Now, who is hiding from reality. Just because you're paranoid, Huey, doesn't mean we're not out to get you.

If you are real, then why me?

Oh, come on. You underestimate yourself. It's a shame what happened to the house. You warned them.

They wouldn't listen to me. They never listen to me.

I know you wanna save the world, Huey, but sometimes people need to learn lessons on their own. The hard way. (looks at his watch) Well, can't miss the Idol. And if you ever wanna talk, just remember, I'm always listening. (walks off and hums to himself)