So you see, my dearest Riley, it is this instinctive and burning need to procreate between a man and a bitch that not only keeps the human race going but also fuels many important industries such as my very own.
RileySo what do you think about Homies Over Hoes?
Is that something at Denny's? I don't know what that is.
Riley
Homies Over Hoes? You know, like, you supposed to put your homie over a ho. That's how pimps do, right?
I don't think Homies Over Hoes is a sentiment that A Pimp Named Slickback can cosign, Riley. I mean don't get me wrong. A Pimp Named Slickback would put a lot of things over a ho. Money over a ho? Always. Brand new gators over a ho? Absolutely. A turkey sandwich with just tomato? Guaranteed. But homies? Oh no. A Pimp Named Slickback don't do shit for the homies. Let me reiterate. Don't do shit for the homies. Unless the homie wanna walk that stroll and get that money, a homie ain't gettin' a goddamn thing. And the same goes for brothers, peeps, dudes, fellas, dunnies, comrades, whatever the fuck niggas is callin' each other nowadays. Sound like some gay shit to me.
(regarding Gangstalicious)
Riley He's gay. (pause) Isn't he?
Riley
And I was his biggest fan. That makes me gay, don't it?
(pauses briefly, taking the cheap shot) ...Yep.
(Riley breaks down into tears)
(to himself, quietly) I know it's wrong. But I really want my own room.
(Huey walks to the door, and leaves just as Grandad walks in.)
Take it easy on him, Grandad. He's just -- tryin to come to terms with it.
(Grandad kneels down next to Riley to console him.)
Riley
(pitifully) Grandad... I think I might be....
Riley
...I might be.... (breaks into sobs)
(Grandad hugs Riley as they both cry)
It's OK, it's OK. Oh. You're a gay! Boy! How did that be, how did that happen....
Now one of the great pleasures of my day is taking these pretty little white children to school in the morning. Hey there, Mister Billy how ya doin?
BBilly
(rudely past Uncle Ruckus and boarding the school bus) Move outta my way, fat boy!
I keep the bus nice and clean for them. These kids- oh excuse, 'scuse me. (sees blonde little girl walking towards the school bus). Oh hello Miss Madison.
MMadison
(rudely walking past Uncle Ruckus and boarding the school bus) Whatever.
There's my little sunshine. (spots Huey and Riley) Whoa, whoa hold it there! (waving hand-held metal detector around them) Where's the gun huh?
Riley
(indignant) Ay, man!
Where's the gun, huh? Go on, git, git! Get outta here! Go do your little hifey-fifey dances and nigga monkey shuffle somewhere else! This here bus is for kids with a future!
(Huey and Riley angrily walk to school together)
(drives the school bus up to Huey and Riley) That's right, that's right, get your lazy asses some exercise! Y'all should just grow up to be rappers, get into a beef and then shoot each other! Ah, ha, ha, ha!
(drives past Huey and Riley)
[After Dr. Doomis dropped Lamilton Taeshawn off the roof of the school out of Riley's hands, which caused him to fall to his death...]
Riley
You killed him.
DDr. Doomis
He deserved to die.
[looks down from the roof and gasps] He's... gone. [turns to the right and notices Lamilton limping away, still alive] No, wait. He's right there.
DDr. Doomis
He's still alive?! [Lamilton turns around and glares at him] No! No! [jumps off the roof] Aah! [lands on Lamilton as Grandad and Riley, but Huey look away and see Doomis grabbing Lamilton while he tries to escape] You're the spawn of Satan! I must destroy you!
LLamilton
[punches him in the face, releasing him] Get off me! [Doomis grabs him and pins him down] Somebody call my grandmother! You're not supposed to be within 100 yards!
Well, that's that. Let's go home. [He, Huey, and Riley leave the roof]
BBoy
[to Riley] Yo, man. You got a cigarette?
[Riley turns his head with a blank expression]
[episode ends]
(To Riley about the messy living room) Jesus! Boy, look at you. All you do is lay around here and watch TV and eat my food and breathe my air, just as lazy as you can be. Go out and do something.
Riley
What am I supposed to do? I ain't got no money!
Well, try getting up off your ass and cleaning up my living room. You lucky President Obama is not here to see this! You're lazy, you need a hobby or something!
Riley
Give me an allowance and I'll find a good hobby.
Allowance?! I allow you to live here. I allow you to eat my food! I allow you to burn up my electricity!
Riley
I mean a money allowance.
Well, how about this? Trash is starting to stink, and guess what? You're allowed to take it out. Hee-hee-hee.
Riley
(voice over) I was a loser. I might as well been dead.
I gon' really let him have it. Show him my stuff. Give that man everything I got.
Riley
Pause.
Riley
You said somethin' gay, so you gotta say "no homo" or else you a homo.
Riley
You said you was gon' give this dude everything you got. No homo.
That's not gay. I said I was gon' give the man everything I got.
Riley
Pause, Granddad. If it sound gay, its gay and you gotta say "no homo". How I know you not a homo, Granddad, if you don't say "no homo"?
I'm not sayin' "no homo".
Riley
Okay, you wanna be a homo.
Stop callin' your granddaddy a homo!
Riley
Then say "no homo"!
I don't wanna say "no homo"! Imma homo yo' ass if you don't stop sayin' pause!
Riley
...Pause.
Riley
I hate to this, Grandad. But you did look like a pussy punk bitch. You should've stuck with your story.
Riley
Well, study next time. (Huey hits him with a book) Ow!
Grandad, there's no use beating yourself up.
Riley
Yeah, Steve Wilkos already did that.
I can't believe all this time. A son. A son named Lando.
Grandad, it's not all your fault. This doesn't make you a horrible person.
SWSteve Wilkos
(on TV) It's all your fucking fault! You're a horrible fucking person!
Oh, why me? Why did he do this to me?
The Boondocks · 205 quotes
