The Awesomes · Season 1
Are you saying the fact that my dad is being nice to me proves he's evil?
That is what I was saying, but now that I see how sad it's making you, I'm going to try to pretend that I was saying something else, but I can't, uh, come up with, uh, anything. Uh, sorry, buddy.
I don't know if any of you have been paying attention, but we're second rate heroes.
Second rate? That's two rates better than the meat we used to eat as kids.
Don't you need me to knock down doors?
On election day, you knock on doors. You don't knock them down.
Well, I was definitely gonna do that wrong.
Ghost husband? It's about time you showed up. I hope you're here to protect me and not haunt me, but either way it will be fun to have a spooky spirit around.
Okay, I am not a ghost, I'm alive and I need your help.
Well, let's make sweet ghost love first and then we can discuss all of that later. Let's get you out of that sheet and into my sheets.
I'm not wearing a sheet because I'm not a ghost.
Hello, daughter's soon-to-be baby daddy.
We should probably come up with something better to call me than that.
How about Harold? That's a pretty name for a pretty boy.
How did you know where to find me?
I remembered that back when you were good and you used to help out The Awesomes, the first thing you would do after every mission was to run home to see your wife.
Ah, that's so sweet.
You always talked about how excited you were to have sex with her.
Less sweet.
You would even talk about your favorite position.
That's enough.
The wet sailor.
Ah, the wet sailor.
Ah, please stop.
The fact is, you always put your family on top.
I spy something beginning with G.
Gadget Gal.
You are good at this.
It's the third time you've done her.
That ties you with Burt Lancaster.
Oh, did I miss the gasp? Mind, why do you have to drift?
Yeah, you know the saying. "Dads are like assholes. Yours is one."
I haven't heard that saying.
It's pretty famous.
You need to understand that everybody's not just heroes and villains. Look around this room. Hero. Weirdo. Hero eating a hero. Ex-villain, and possibly ghost husband. Another weirdo. Hero/traitor/hero/pregnant lady. Everybody's got a little something something.
Now, describe the container Perfect Man was trapped in.
About eight feet tall, window pane on the front, cold to the touch.
Sounds like my ex-wife.
You don't have an ex-wife.
Would you eat a cookie if you were on a diet?
I would if it would save the world!
I'd eat a cookie any day.
The world wasn't going to support a hero who had multiple children out of wedlock.
Tell that to the NBA.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Awesomes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
