Dr. Giuseppe Malocchio quotes from The Awesomes

Dr. Malocchio

To my secretary Janice, who's always been there in my time of need, I leave the Malocchio Ray, my three-ton laser capable of destroying an entire city.

Giant laser? That'll definitely fit in my studio apartment.

Dr. Malocchio

The last thing I remember is the explosion and being pulled up to Heaven.

Heaven? You? (laughs) I'm sorry. You thought you were going to Heaven?

Dr. Malocchio

Okay, I know I wasn't the greatest guy. But I once did a 5K run for breast cancer.

Dr. Malocchio

What do you want this year?

I don't know if I really need anything.

Dr. Malocchio

But what do you want in your deepest, darkest fantasy?

Amazon gift card!

How do you feel?

Dr. Malocchio

I'm going to be honest with you. I'm still evil. What? I don't get credit with you for being honest?

I don't know what to tell you. You just told me you're evil..

Dr. Malocchio

I can't win with you.

Well, I've tried everything, but nothing works. I guess I'll just shoot you into the sun.

Dr. Malocchio

What?

I'm sorry, Dr. Malocchio. I know it's not your fault you turned evil. You're an evil villain, what do you want me to do?

Dr. Malocchio

But I hate the sun.

I have no choice.

Dr. Malocchio

I sunburn easily.

Wear a hat.

Dr. Malocchio

Do you have any sunscreen? My dermatologist is not going to like this.

I know how I can turn you good again.

Dr. Malocchio

How's that?

Blood.

Dr. Malocchio

This is a weird day.

Ghost husband? It's about time you showed up. I hope you're here to protect me and not haunt me, but either way it will be fun to have a spooky spirit around.

Okay, I am not a ghost, I'm alive and I need your help.

Well, let's make sweet ghost love first and then we can discuss all of that later. Let's get you out of that sheet and into my sheets.

I'm not wearing a sheet because I'm not a ghost.

Dr. Malocchio

How did you know where to find me?

Gadget Gal

I remembered that back when you were good and you used to help out The Awesomes, the first thing you would do after every mission was to run home to see your wife.

Tim

Ah, that's so sweet.

Gadget Gal

You always talked about how excited you were to have sex with her.

Impresario

Less sweet.

Gadget Gal

You would even talk about your favorite position.

Tim

That's enough.

Gadget Gal

The wet sailor.

Dr. Malocchio

Ah, the wet sailor.

Tim

Ah, please stop.

Gadget Gal

The fact is, you always put your family on top.

Would you eat a cookie if you were on a diet?

Prock

I would if it would save the world!

I'd eat a cookie any day.