Perfect Man quotes from The Awesomes

Perfect Man

Do I get a balloon?

Concierge

No.

Perfect Man

Why not?

Concierge

Because you're a fugitive from the law, and you're *bleep* crazy.

Perfect Man

That's ridiculous. If I were crazy, would I be best friends with a basketball?

Gadget Gal

Well, if you ever want a real woman, call me.

Perfect Man

Oh, Spaldetta's a real woman, all right. All curves.

Tim

Because she's a ball.

Perfect Man

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Hotwire

We did not communicate when we were a couple.

Perfect Man

Really was a perfect relationship.

Perfect Man! How are you?

Perfect Man

Good. I'm much less of a dick these days.

Prock

I can't believe I spent all my savings on a magical date with a robot.

Muscleman

Tell me about it. I just bought a condo with a forklift.

Perfect Man

Hey, one time I fell in love with a volleyball.

Muscleman

Right. That time you went crazy.

Perfect Man

Oh, I forgot about that. I was actually talking a different volleyball.

Perfect Man

Look, if you ever need anything, like money, I can teach you how to squeeze coal into diamonds.

Prock

It doesn't work when I do it.

Perfect Man

Right, I forgot you're weak.

Muscleman

All the girls went to some stupid award show. Like we get it, you're women, here's your prize for not having a penis.

Perfect Man

Cool, is the prize shaped like a penis?

Prock

No, it is not.

Muscleman

Right. 'Cause the Pee Buddy Award is shaped like a penis.

Prock

What do you think the Peabody Award is for?

Muscleman

Is it not about urinating with friends?

Prock

No, it is not.

What?!?

Perfect Man

If it will make you feel better, you can watch me shower.

Concierge

That offer would probably mean more to him if you didn't make it to all of us all the time.

Perfect Man

And yet Gadget Gal is the only one who ever takes me up on it.

Gadget Gal

And it still isn't getting old.

Perfect Man

Thank you, friend.

Perfect Man

Don't you need me to knock down doors?

On election day, you knock on doors. You don't knock them down.

Perfect Man

Well, I was definitely gonna do that wrong.

The world wasn't going to support a hero who had multiple children out of wedlock.

Perfect Man

Tell that to the NBA.