Muscleman quotes from The Awesomes

Prock

But on the bright side, we did manage to sideline the return of the world's great villains.

Muscleman

Right, teen girls.

Prock

Actually, I meant Hitler, Goebbels, and Himmler.

Frantic

Oh, those were the names of the dinosaurs?

Prock

The Nazis.

Frantic

That was my next guess.

Muscleman

Hey, who's this sexy lady and what have you done with Concierge?

Concierge

Oh, you.

Muscleman

Seriously, what have you done with Concierge?

Concierge

You can't go.

Frantic

Whaaat? But I had Impresario make this tux for me.

Concierge

It's for women only.

Gadget Gal

Although I've always considered gay men the women of the male community.

Muscleman

Yeah, I want to go. Women only; that's sexist. Men want to look at girls' butts, too.

Concierge

We're not going there to look at girls' butts.

Muscleman

Oh, you're a breast man.

We're going to support other women.

Muscleman

Oh, so you're a bra man.

Tim

That doesn't make any sense.

Muscleman

It makes a little bit of sense.

Muscleman

All the girls went to some stupid award show. Like we get it, you're women, here's your prize for not having a penis.

Perfect Man

Cool, is the prize shaped like a penis?

Prock

No, it is not.

Muscleman

Right. 'Cause the Pee Buddy Award is shaped like a penis.

Prock

What do you think the Peabody Award is for?

Muscleman

Is it not about urinating with friends?

Prock

No, it is not.

What?!?

Muscleman

Royal flush, baby.

Impresario

Uh, we're playing Uno.

Prock

How did we get so lucky?

Muscleman

You mean, to cheat so much in high school and never get caught?

Prock

I didn't cheat in high school.

Muscleman

Well, I cheated off of you, so you were complicit.

Prock

Good word.

Muscleman

They say it on The People's Court all the time, but I have no idea what it means.

Prock

Are you saying the fact that my dad is being nice to me proves he's evil?

Muscleman

That is what I was saying, but now that I see how sad it's making you, I'm going to try to pretend that I was saying something else, but I can't, uh, come up with, uh, anything. Uh, sorry, buddy.

Muscleman

I spy something beginning with G.

Impresario

Gadget Gal.

Muscleman

You are good at this.

Impresario

It's the third time you've done her.

Gadget Gal

That ties you with Burt Lancaster.

Muscleman

Yeah, you know the saying. "Dads are like assholes. Yours is one."

Prock

I haven't heard that saying.

Muscleman

It's pretty famous.

Prock

Now, describe the container Perfect Man was trapped in.

Hotwire

About eight feet tall, window pane on the front, cold to the touch.

Muscleman

Sounds like my ex-wife.

Concierge

You don't have an ex-wife.