AVGN quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

EAT THIS, BITCH! YOU DON'T WANNA FUCK WITH A MOOSE THROWING BOMBS!

Well there you have it, Rocky and Bullwinkle. Shitty game, shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty everything! Fucking big, clumsy moose! Bullwinkle, (Does a Bullwinkle impression) I'm Bullwinkle! MORE LIKE BULL FUCKING SHIT!

This is a scumbag's idea of a game. "Let's get some slutty girls and give 'em guns, huh huh!"

What an experience Pee-Wee had. Can you imagine the story he has to tell? "I was walking down the street. Narrowly avoiding a speedboat, a submarine on wheels, a parade of naked Dr. Seuss characters, a rabbit pig and dudes in cars. I fell down into a pond where I swung around on a pole and build a ladder up into a girls locker room shower with this weird blobby ghost tried to grab my dick. I DROPPED A BUNCH OF PYRO EQUIPMENT DOWN THE SAME HOLE THAT LEADS TO THE POND BUT SOMEHOW ENDED UP ON TOP A BUNCH OF SCAFFOLDING WHERE I WENT UP AND FINISHED IT ALL UP WITH A BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!" And that's why you gotta love Atari.

Universal Theme Park Adventure on Gamecube. A game based on a theme park, that was based on movies by Universal Studios, the giant movie making machine that made some of the greatest films of all time. From the classic monster movies of the 30's and 40's to the Spielberg masterpieces like Jaws, E.T. and Jurassic Park. Over the years, Universal Studios has celebrated its movie legacy by slowly converting its Hollywood studio location into a big amusement park for the public and destroying film history. You know the opera house set from the classic Phantom of the Opera that stood on Stage 28 for 90 years? Destroyed. The oldest surviving movie set in history gone over night to make way for a Harry Potter ride. But hey, Universal Theme Park was still a lot of fun. You know in the Back to the Future DeLorean and then there's volcanos and shit and then you're riding the bike with E.T. and then the...the truck comes and almost hit you and then you're on the waterfall and...then the T-Rex comes out and then...and then fucking Jaws is jumping out of the water and King Kong shaking the tram and then there's earthquakes and then there's those other movies that you don't even know what the fuck they are, nobody cares! It was awesome! By the 90's, this whole theme park idea was so huge, they opened up a new one in Florida. This is when Nintendo helped advertised it in the movie, The Wizard and then in 2001, Nintendo start promoting it again with this game (the Nerd inserts the disk into the Gamecube and turns the Gamecube on) which I think, sounds awesome. What a great idea to take all these movies and put them into one using the theme park as a way to tie them altogether and on a new advanced console. How could you go wrong?

Well, only one present left. [Looks at the last present] Wanna take a peek? Yeah, let's take a peek. [Picks the last present then reveals the LJN logo as he feels shocked.] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Ugh. (looks at a flaming bag, screams and puts it out with his shoe) No! (he takes the bag to his gaming room) Ugh, those goddamn kids. They left me a flaming bag... (takes out the game) of shit! The Crow: City of Angels. It was on PC, PlayStation and Sega Saturn, and all the same, the PC version was a Piece of Crap, the PS version was a Piece of Shit, and the Saturn version was a Satanic turd, MORE LETHAL THAN TEN TONS OF DONKEY DOOKIE DROPPING FROM A 60-STORY BUILDING! The Crow was a dark action film based on a comic series. The film takes place the night before Halloween, Mischief Night or Devil's Night, which is associated with the more destructive version of Mischief Night, which is not so much about petty pranks, but more about vandalism and arson. It's also somewhat related to an older tradition: Guy Fawkes Night. But that's another story. Anyway, The Crow, of course, starred Brandon Lee, Bruce Lee's son. You can't talk about The Crow without mentioning the fact that he was accidentally killed on set by a defective gun blank. Yeah, I have nothing but tragedy to tell today. The plot was about a rock star named Eric Draven. He and his girlfriend are violently killed by a horrible gang. But he's resurrected and seeks his revenge after a crow leads his soul back to the world of the living. Yeah, it sounds weird when you say it fast, but it was a pretty good movie. While not perfect, it was stylized with a gloomy and surreal comic book tone, similar to Tim Burton's Batman. That would be a good time to make a video game, right? No. There were no games based on The Crow. Nada. Diddly-fucking-squat. Then came the shitty sequel, The Crow: Shitty of Angels! Ho-ho! Now it's time to make a game! Ugh. All right, let's... pop this... fucking turd in here.

Look at this ugly, murky mess. I'm sure they were going for a dark, moody atmosphere and all that, but don't you think it's a little too dark? It's almost just a black screen with yellow and red pools of light. Looks like somebody bled and pissed all over the place, after smearing the camera lens with their shit after taking a bunch of Pepto Bismol.

(calling Jessica Rabbit on the phone) This is Jessica Rabbit? Well, I got your number and I'm callin' just to say "FUCK YOU!"

I hope you're proud of yourself!

Yeah, well, I hope you're proud of yourself, and you know what I mean, ya fuckin' whore.

I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.

Yeah, well, wait 'til I draw your suicide note in your own blood, you bunny fuckin' bitch. I'm comin' over and I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill your whole motherfuckin' family! (returns to playing the game) Alright, well now I got that out of my system, let's continue with the game.

(on the nonsensical in-game representation of Hill Valley and all the obstacles Marty McFly must deal with) What happened here? Is this Hill Valley or is it Hell?

No, it's Hill Valley, although I can't imagine Hell being much worse!

Like, if I just shat into a bag, and wrote "Back to the Future" on it, that would be the same as this awful piece of fuck. It brings my piss to a boil. What a piece of shit! I'll never play it again, either. It's my last time. (scoffs) I'd rather eat out the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk than play this game, ever again. And I'm dead serious, too. And do you know what's worse? You know what's - what's really worse? Guess what? There's a sequel!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

playing Back to the Future II & III Yes, it's true. Back to the Future II & III. Two shitty games for the price of one. Let's check it out.

So, yeah, it's a weird game, and you can just tell just by the cartridge. It's one of those weird baby blue cartridges, so you can tell right of the bat that it's a big piece of fucking shit.

Pickle.

There's only one reason to buy this game. And that's to be able to say, "I own Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu," so people can awkwardly stare at you.

Shit-pickle-shit-pickle-shit-pickle-shit-pickle.

(Shit Pickle plays the game.) So, what do you think?

Shit!

Exactly.

(On the convoluted controls as described in the game manual) So did you get that? Well, let me sum it up. It stinks!

That's right, it stinks!

It's a bunch of putrid anal shit coming out of a rhinoceros' asshole. It fucks up the ass, shits out the mouth, piss out the nose, dookie out the ear, diarrhea out the dick, shits for the birds! The control in this game... is pooh-pooh.