AVGN quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

(after he plays the NES version of Where's Waldo) Imagine buying this piece of shit for 50 bucks. Nowadays, releasing a game this short would never be excusable. Well, anyway, we have a lot more games to get through, so stay tuned for Part 2. I'm gonna go get the games. [he walks around in different directions like Waldo in the cutscenes]

This time, we're not gonna go too far back into the past. Only to 2003 with a PC game called Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing. I usually stick to consoles, and I don't usually do games from the current millennium, but this is a huge request. I've been told countless times that it's one of the worst, if not the worst game ever made, but I'm sure that's an exaggeration. It just looks like a generic mediocre racing game with trucks. And it's from the new millennium, well after the pioneering days of gaming, after the ETs and Jekyll and Hydes, after the advent of quality control, so how bad could it be? Let's find out.

[upon first experiencing the games lack of collision detection and physics] Soooo...what are the complaints here? This is awesome!

"Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing". "Over the road" is right! It's my way or the highway, and the highway ain't got shit. Oh my god...

I'm not trying to find glitches! It just so happens that the whole game is a glitch! Look at this picture here; the hill turned into nothing, the tail lights are flying off the truck and this bridge is hovering over thin air! The support beams are so close to touching the ground, but don't. (His truck is pushed up through a bridge and he sees his opponent standing still) The fuck was that? Oh, by the way, that's the computer opponent who's still at the start line. Never moved. I'm literally running circles around him. Y'know, I kinda forgot I was in a race here. That is the purpose of the game. It doesn't matter which stage you're playing. The opponent always stalls at the start line and never moves an inch. You can spend the whole time driving through buildings, over mountains, and under bridges, and still win the race. What kind of challenge is that? Have you ever heard of a video game where you can't lose? How did the programmers forget to make the trucks move? Let's see if I can merge the trucks into one. (He tries to line his truck up with the opponent) Here we go. Eh, eh... (He succeeds) Yeah! That's some fine work. (He drives off and makes a whoosh sound)

This is the most unstable game I've ever played in my life. And would you believe, that the copy I own is a more recent version of the game? Yeah. The version that most people have played is commonly found on the internet, and is even less functional! In this version, one of the stages doesn't even work. If you try to pick this stage, it crashes the whole game. Not that it's any loss. It looks the same as any other stage. The truck you're racing against doesn't do anything different. It still sits there, waits for you to lap it and cross the finish line. Here we go. (He crosses the finish line, and the game text reads: "YOU'RE WINNER!" He looks at it in shock and snorts, and begins snickering.) Oh, no. No. (laughs humorously) Oh, no! No! (laughs even more humorously) "You're Winner" is the kind of stuff that turns horrible games into legend. It's the cherry on top the diarrhea shake. It's already been a popular internet meme for many years, but in the packaged version of the game that I own, it's been corrected to "You win." Disappointing, I know.

But there's at least one other version of this game, a newer one - version 3 as far as my knowledge goes - but anyway this one has a major advancement. Really big. Check this out; the other truck moves. Wow. No fuck. It's like we're actually having a race here. I'm gonna let him win just to see what happens. I hope it says "You're a lose" or something like that. Here we go. [Crosses the finish line, "You win" screen pops up. The Nerd looks in confusion] What happened?! How did I win?! Apparently, the other truck driver just decided to stop a little short. In other words; you can't lose! Why did they bother to release a new version if they didn't even fix the most basic thing?! But hey, the truck moves! So maybe this improvement pushes the game into the... pre-alpha stage. At best!

These monumental blunders distract from all the regular flaws which would already be enough to fill any shitty game; most of the stages look similar, there's little variety, there are no sound effects other than the engine of the truck, the tail lights are fixated on the back of the trailer doors and they look like someone made them in Photoshop with a basic brush tool! Want me to prove it? [Creates tail lights exactly like the ones in Big Rigs in Photoshop] There you go. The street is always breaking up like the Glitch Gremlin paved over it, certain light posts are given strange colours that stick out from the rest of the game, the Arc de Triomphe appears twice in a row in a geographically inaccurate area, the trucks are referred to as "cars", the "Ultranav" points you get from crossing checkpoints don't always go in order - what the fuck is "Ultranav" anyway? The timer goes outside the box and on top of all that the box that the game comes in is a complete lie! Never do the police chase after you. Maybe if that was just the front artwork, that would be excusable, but the back says, "You'll be hauling loads and trying to stay one step ahead of the law." "Deliver your load to its destination."

What are they talking about? That never happens! Oh, no, no, I stand corrected. This game "delivers a load" all right - load of fucking shit! I'll deliver a load all over this fucking game! It's not even a game. It doesn't count as a game. If it were a game, you could lose. But you can't! It's nothing but win! "You're winner!" It's like the game feels sorry for you! [He drinks Rolling Rock]

This is not even close to a finished game - if you can call it a game. It's the worst game ever made! And I've played a lot, what is this, episode 118? So that is a big statement, but I'm DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS. It isn't as frustrating as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, no no, it's not as bad of an experience as that, but in terms of functionality, this is an all time low.

You can't release something that's not finished! Who looked at this? I mean, who looked at THIS and thought, "Yeah, that's OK. Put that out."? There's credits, which suggest that actual human beings were behind this. More than one. What were they thinking? Why would anyone want their name on this thing, and did any single one of them look at this and think "Maybe there's still some work left to do?"

By the year 2003, wouldn't there have been some kind of quality control? Even the worst games from the 70's had some playability. I would have assumed that Big Rigs was just some test game. Some kind of demo that a college student made, not an actual game that got sold in stores. It-it couldn't have been sold in stores. But, apparently, it did. This is the box. It came in a box! And it was rated by the ESRB! Someone from the ESRB looked at this game and gave it a rating! I know it's not their job to judge the quality of the game, but somebody looked at this and thought "Wow. This is shit. But, E." Imagine buying this game, thinking it's gonna be a cool racing game, then you bring it home and play it and you get this. It's like a cruel prank. They should've recalled this game and gave out refunds. Imagine advertising this sort of thing. Imagine putting a commercial on TV for this shitload of fuck. I wonder what it would've been like. Hmm. (He imagines a TV commercial for "Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing.")

Well, there's one last thing left to find out. How fast can you go in reverse? Let's push the limits. (He drives in reverse, gaining speed quickly) The truck's fucking the ground. (The Nerd feels like he's traveling the speed of light, and the truck's engine noise becomes high pitched. He covers his ears) That noise! That noise, how high can it go?! Light speed! Ludicrous speed! We've gone to plaid. (Screams wildly) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! WE GOTTA STOP! (Releases the reverse key as the chair flies back, crashes into the video room) Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit!

Well, it's Christmas time, again, already, and that means... more shitty games for me. And I have a pretty big pile here, thanks to all you. All requests, a despicable dozen, and we are going to savor these juicy turds one day at a time. Because this is the 8th Christmas since I first started doing these Christmas specials, so we're going to do something a little different, a little excessive. 12 Days...of Shitsmas.

[After he opens a present] Oh no, it's ALF on the Sega Master System. Of course, it's based on the TV sitcom from the '80s. I used to love that show, just for the fact that the star character was a puppet. Ah yes, the loveable Alien Life Form "ALF" or Gordon Shumway who crash lands on Earth and lives with the Tanner family, not the Tanners from Full House. The goal is to collect special items to get his spaceship working so he can leave Earth and go home, along the way, having to avoid FBI agents who are out to get him. This is all strangely reminiscent of E.T. on Atari 2600. (Zoom in on an FBI agent) These guys are creepy, they look like pedophiles, perverts, child molesters. The way they're dressed in stereotypical trenchcoats and grabbing at the air, as if saying "Come on ALF, I got some candy. I don't wanna hurt you, I just wanna... grope your little alien ass." (The FBI agent follows ALF into the kitchen) GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN YOU FUCKING SICKO!

There's no goal unless you can see how high you can rack up the score. In other words, how long can you hold the D-Pad for! You like that game? You don't even need the game, just the controller and a timer! It would be more fun to stare at the wall! I have a whole new appreciation for Desert Bus! Big Rigs is more exciting than this shit! This broke the shit scale. This is a whole new higher level. First there's poop, then there's shit and then there's...DEFACATION!!