Scenes with Darwin 63
And the police said I have to wear this thing for...
[Changes to Mr. Robinson's house]
Six weeks. And I can't leave the house or it...
[Back to Wattersons' house]
Sets off an alarm and I'll be...
[Back to Robinson's house]
Sent to prison. And it was all...
RRRichard and Mr. Robinson
HIS FAULT!
Dad, could you explain that again, this time using full sentences?
I'd love to, but I'm too busy...
[off scene] Plotting my revenge!
[All the Wattersons hear Mr. Robinson shouting]
DDarwin
Hmm... I see what is happening here.
Boys, I need you to sneak into Mr. Robinson's house. There's this old prank I used to do in collage.
Okay, high school. Just do as I say.
Mr. Robinson, we need you to stop this feud or you and Dad are gonna end up in prison.
GRGaylord Robinson
Almost there... darn it! [pulls back in the long stick, which is made up of household items that have a long reach]
DDarwin
What are you doing, anyway?
Trying to get back at your father, but this thing's still not long enough!
[On the end of the stick, there is a bee taped down to a pencil.]
What the wasp?! Mr. Robinson! This argument has spiraled into madness! It has to stop.
Not till your father pays for what he did to my car.
Then you leave us no choice, sir. Darwin?
[Darwin gets Mr. Robinson's alarm clock.]
DDarwin
Stop the feud, or I reset your alarm clock.
No! I won't know how to reprogram it!
DDarwin
How would you like to wake up at six? Seven? Eight? Or nine a.m.?
Nine a.m.?! I'll lose half the day!
You know, this can end anytime you like.
Humph. Do your worst. My bladder will wake me up at five anyway.
Well then, how would you like your radio tuned to young people's music?!
[Darwin turns the radio to a "young people's music" station, and a parody of the song "Baby" plays.]
AGH! HE SAID THE WORD "BABY" OVER SEVENTEEN TIMES! TURN IT OFF!
[Darwin turns the radio off.]
Okay! Okay! I give up! I'll end the feud. But please, can you do this one thing for me in return? [pulls out an envelope] I can't leave the house to post this letter. Would you do it for me?
Sir, it would be an honor.
AAlan​​​​​​​
No, I love you more because I also love, loving you—
Sorry to interrupt. But can you please stop this?
Alan: What?
THIS! This hideous picture of happiness.
[Masami, Carrie and Leslie chime in, agreeing with Gumball]
I'm don't like it when you two use your stupid pet names and your gross lovey-dovey faces. You don't see me and Penny acting like that.
DDarwin
Because you're not going out with her?
IIdaho
You two are so beautiful, it makes me believe I, too, can find love. [Angrily] But when I look in the mirror, I realize I'm just a dirt covered ball of starch!
[Alan moves to Idaho]
Alan: But Idaho, if you wanna be loved... first, you gotta love yourself.
LLeslie​​​​​​​
[Angrily] Yeah! You're so nice and sensitive too I can't even hate you!
MMasami
[Angrily] You're so perfect, it makes me wanna rain on your parade until you swell up, turn brown, and rot!
[Carrie is confused, while everyone is silent]
[Clicks tongue] Uhhhh... I think what Masami is trying to say is that you guys are so perfect, it kinda makes us wish for your downfall.
MMasami
Uh-huh, why don't you go and be perfect somewhere else?
[Everyone walks away except Alan, Carmen, Gumball and Darwin. Gumball looks guilty, while Darwin pats him on the back]
[The scene cuts to the dreaded detention room itself, where the kids in detention are messing things up and trashing the room. Nigel Brown barges in and stops the ruckus.]
NBNigel Brown
SILENCE, YOU ANIMALS! These are the new inmates. Make sure they feel welcome.
DDarwin
[With dried eyes] Can I blink now?
NBNigel Brown
You're not gonna last two minutes in here, little fish.
[Principal Brown exits, and slams the door. Gumball and Darwin turn around at their new "inmates," looking scared. They start talking with each other seemingly through their thoughts]
DDarwin
Gumball. Can you hear me?
Yeah. What will we do? These ugly filths look like they were raised by hyenas in a post-apocalyptic future.
DDarwin
Ha ha! Especially the cupcake. She looks like she was made out of rotten eggs, and foot fungus.
RCRotten Cupcake
I'm a boy, dork bag.
Ugh! Even her voice is gross. Wait, hang on. How can she hear our secret thoughts?
RReaper
'Cause you're talking out loud, homie.
Yeah, that makes more sense.
Well, I cheated on a math test,
teacher says I gotta pay.
[in unison with Darwin and the other detention kids]
Doin' time up at the schoolhouse
and it gets worse everyday.
I've done a lot of bad things
as freedom went away.
[In unison with Gumball and the other detention kids]
I've seen a lot of sad things
and it gets worse everyday!
GDGumball and Darwin
[singing in unison]
I never was a bad guy,
'til I was put away. Now,
I'm stealin', cheatin',
lyin' and it gets worse everyday!
They think I learned my lesson,
that crime just doesn't pay.
But stuck here in detention,
I have found another way.
I'm the baddest kid in the prison,
and I get worse everydaaay!
[The song ends as the inmates trash the detention room once again. Nigel Brown barges in again.]
NBNigel Brown
SILENCE, YOU ANIMALS! I WANT THIS ROOM CLEANED UP BY LUNCHTIME, DO YOU HEAR ME?!
Mom, instead of milk, can we have chocolate milk?
DDarwin
Instead of eggs, can we have chocolate eggs?
Instead of bread, can we have chocolate bread?
No.[Sighs] Richard, can I get a little help here, please?
Sure. [Walks to the kids] Here kids, [Grabs a chocolate bar] stop bothering your mother and eat this chocolate.
[Nicole groans and swiftly kicks the chocolate bar out of Richard's hand]
What the...?! Well what's the point in dragging us here if we're not getting some kind of treat?!
[Strained voice, speaks through gritted teeth] Because we're having a nice family outing and that should be reward enough.
[Gumball starts to whimper]
[Screams and cries while lying down and bangs on the floor] I WANT THE CHOCOLATE EGGS!
[Nicole sighs, and just as Anais and Darwin copy Gumball, Richard starts screaming. Gary walks by and gives Nicole a judgmental stare]
[Grabs two cans of hot dogs and speaks in a high-pitched voice while staring at the one on her right hand] Oh, Mommy, I want some chocolate. [Stares at the one on her left hand in a normal pitched voice] I'm sorry, little sausage, but you had too much candy this week. [Closes her eyes in a high pitched voice] WAH WAH WAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! [Squeezes the can in her right hand so hard it explodes; normal voice] Now all the little sausages are punished and going to have to wait in the car.
You paranoid nut bar, that stuff doesn't work.
Then why are you holding a basket full of lipstick?
Three colors, five dollars! It'd be stupid not to buy it!
[As Anais stares at him, Gumball realizes what she's saying]
This. Is. Perfect! If we use those tricks on Mom, we can get anything we want! It's foolproof! [Starts singing happily] Who's getting candy? [Points at Anais] Owww, you're getting candy! Uh! Uh! [Starts dancing]
DDarwin
I'm getting candy! [Twirls around] And he's getting candddddy!
I'm getting candy?! [Pretends to shred on an air guitar] Uhn! Uhn! She's getting candy! [Points at Anais]
Mmm, mmm, mmm-mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm! I'm getting candy, [Points at each of the three boys] you're getting candy, he's getting candy, he's getting candy, she's—
[The Wattersons walk out in disappointment]
DDarwin
(Whistles) Hey, William! Feast your eye on this! [He squirts shampoo on Williams’s eye but missed, squirted in his face.] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW! oh, wait. It's not that bad. (laughs) It’s baby shampoo.
[William focuses on Darwin]
[Gumball pushes Darwin out of the way, just as William unleashes his psychic power at the spot where Darwin was. He crumples some pipes, causing the room to fog up]
WWilliam
You cannot hide from me. Turn Around. Turn around, and face me like men! I am talking to you.
[Gumball and Darwin are huddled in a corner. Gumball sights William coming at them through the fog]
[Whispering] There he is, creeping up on us in silence again.
WWilliam
In silence? [Realizes no one can hear him] Oh, gosh. No one can hear me, can they? I suppose that makes sense, I don't have a mouth. I thought you'd ignored me on purpose all my life. But when you blocked me on Elmore Plus, something...snapped. What was I thinking? I'm so sorry. You must be terrified and confused, I cannot apologize enough-
DDarwin
NOW! [They turn around, with Gumball holding a tennis racket. He swats William, and William flies out of a window]
DDarwin
Ohh, short shorts.
KMr. Kreese.
I'm Mr. Kreese. I teach over at Richwood High, and I heard you might have had some altercation with some of my students yesterday.
Yeah, we did. They came out of nowhere, and tried to start a fight with us!
KMr. Kreese.
Well, I just wanted to say if that situation ever happens again— YOU WILL LOSE, and THEY WILL WIN! And you'll be like "UGH!" and they'll be like "AAAH!"
KMr. Kreese.
[Goes to window] Oooh, what's the matter? You scared, little piggies!?
Uh yeah, you're a fully grown man screaming at us, and if you continue I'm gonna call the police.
KMr. Kreese.
Just what I'd expect from a couple of cowards like you. Ooooooh! Who's the hardcore one now?!
KMr. Kreese.
That's right! [Starts taunting and making weird noises and gestures]
[They sneak up on Mr.Kreese at the porch, and watch him while he continues to make taunting noises, tap his head repeatedly, and point through the window. Gumball shakes his head in disappointment]
DDarwin
Do you know what's the worst thing is? This guy is a teacher.
No dude. The worst thing is that this guy's got two sweaters, and he's not wearing either of them.
DLDaniel Lennard
(high-pitched, squeaky voice) Yes, indeed?
There's no way Mom would fall for a guy with a voice like that.
LLennard
(in a lower, masculine voice) Yes, indeed?
Uh...we need to warn you, good sir.
LLennard
Ah, but it is you who should be warned. I came for YOU!
(After Gumball corrects his "error", the scene is reenacted, but in a different outcome.)
You are in danger, Daniel Lennard!
LLennard
How do know my name? Who are you?
We are all that is left of Nicole Watterson's previous family.
LLennard
What? What about your father?
DDarwin
She took all his money...and, then...SHE ATE HIM!!
(Lennard gasps)
(whispering) And now, she's coming for you.
(The bush beside them rustles before Gumball jumps out, impersonating Nicole as he roars at Lennard. However, he responds with a swing of his cane. The scene stops.)
DDarwin
Okay, you're going to have to dodge that.
(The scene replays, but Gumball dodges the cane swing. The scene pauses again when Lennard delivers a kick.)
DDarwin
Okay, you're going to have to dodge that, too.
(The scene replays again, with Gumball dodging both the cane swing and the kick. The scene pauses again when Lennard now delivers a karate chop.)
DDarwin
(flatly) Okay. That as well.
(The scene replays once again as Gumball dodges the cane swing, then the kick, then the chop, but the scene pauses once more when Lennard pulls a Taser gun.)
DDarwin
Dude, I don't think you'll be able to dodge that!
(The scene opens on Gumball and Darwin outside of the nurse's office as Gumball knocks on the door.)
DDarwin
Are you sure this is going to work? Because I really don't want to go to gym class.
(Gumball's leg kicks him in the face.)
My legs are trying to kick my brain for just thinking about it! But don't you worry. Today's the day the plan works!
DDarwin
But it's already gone wrong so many times. Maybe we should just accept our fate and go to gym class.
(Gumball's leg kicks Darwin in the shin.)
Don't say that out loud! You're making them angry! Just let me handle this.
(Joan answers the door.)
JMJoan Markham
(sighs) Watterson.... No, I haven't lost weight. No, I haven't done something new with my hair. No, you don't have the bubonic plague. No, you can't have a second opinion on that. Therefore, no, you cannot get a note to skip gym class.
(Gumball's leg kicks his face again.)
JMJoan Markham
What was that?
(muffled, via subtitles) You apologized.
JJamie
Yeah, whatever, you better shut up if you don't want Mr. and Mrs. Pain to invite you to dinner! They only serve filet-o-fist!
[Twists his jaw back] It's fine. You can let that anger go, Jamie. You touched our hearts yesterday.
JJamie
Oh, I'll touch your heart--with my fist!
That's...quite a vivid image, but we understand. You don't have to be a bully anymore. Coach saw what we were all too blind to see, that you're really a sweet, kind, orange...thing with, uh, a hat...or a wig or some kind of a helmet...and horns that we're proud to call our friend.
JJamie
[throws Gumball in Darwin’s mouth] I am not anyone's friend! The only friends I need are Grandma and Grandpa Fist, and they don't give candy. I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna do something so bad, it'll go down in SCHOOL HISTORY!
We really need to work on Jamie's hugging technique.
You don't really think Jamie will do anything bad, do you?
DDarwin
Well, just because she fed Anton to the ducks... [Flashback of said moment briefly plays] Or that she chewed Teri's own body to spit it back in her face... [Flashback of said moment briefly plays] Or that she ate a little bit of Sarah and Banana Joe... [Flashback of said moment briefly plays]
(scared) Dude, stop! I can't take any more horrible flashbacks!
DDarwin
But people change. Just because she did all that doesn't mean [sees Jamie] that she's capable of climbing into the back of a teacher's car to[Becomes very startled and fearful] DO SOMETHING SO BAD THAT IT'LL GO DOWN IN SCHOOL HISTORY!
DDarwin
At least he passed away peacefully.
Yeah, like a peaceful, evil raisin.
[The kids and Richard are giving the turtle a funeral]
DDarwin
[Sniffles] Before we say goodbye to our beloved family pet, Evil Turtle, I think we should all say a few words to let him know how much he meant to us.
GAGumball, Anais and Richard
Hmmm.
DDarwin
I'll always think fondly of the way he put fear into my heart.
GAGumball, Anais and Richard
Hmmm.
Every time I stare down at the scar tissue on my hand, I'll think of him.
GDGumball and Darwin
Hmmm.
Only once in your lifetime, does something touch your heart in the way that... awesome store did! [Sobs in his hands]
Gumball, do you have anything you like to add?
Yeah, er.... I'll miss his.... you know the funny way he... the thing he... I got nothing.
DDarwin
[Drops the dead turtle into the trash bag] All of this because we couldn't take care of him.
[Darwin cries over the turtle and a single drop falls on the turtle who immediately recovers and hisses at them, scaring Gumball]
DDarwin
He was revived by my tear!
[The turtle climbs out and crosses the road away from the Wattersons, hissing and snarling furiously]
DDarwin
Somebody save him, he could get hurt!
[The Turtle moves into the path of a speeding car in which the car crashes into pieces and the turtle was unharmed and unfazed by the impact]
Forget saving the turtle, we need a plan to save the neighborhood.
DDarwin
(comes out of a bush) Because you're the one he loves biting the most!
Alright, but why am I not allowed to wear clothes?
DDarwin
Because he could choke on them.
(Darwin pops in and then out of his hiding spot and decorates Gumball's head with leaves.)
DDarwin
Presentation. It's important.
Shh! Just remember to let it get as close as possible to give me a chance to catch it!
DDarwin
Just make sure you don't hurt him, okay? He's only a small little guy and there's three of...
(Darwin suddenly falls as he is heard gasping.)
(Gumball nervously checks his environment as looks around. He then hears splashing water.)
Dude, is that you?... Hello? Is anyone there?
(A pair of malicious eyes poke out of the swamp. Gumball gapes before the turtle rushes out to him while hissing, scaring Gumball and forcing him to free himself!)
(The evil turtle closes in, but Gumball manages to free himself, though losing his fur from the tape, and runs away, with the turtle in pursuit.)
Wait, what about the bowl?!
Well, I guess there's no getting rid of it. We'll have to keep it for as long as it lives.
RCRed Construction Man
(to Gumball as Zach) Hey, kid, get in line like everyone else!
CWCrocodile Woman
(to Gumball as Zach/Darwin) You've got 3 seconds to move or I'll bingo-wing you.
RCRed Construction Man
(to Gumball as Zach/Darwin): Get back in the line.
DDarwin
(to Gumball as Zach) aah, dude, you can say sorry to these people before they get heavy items at the bottom of the car?!
DDarwin
(to Gumball as Zach) No wait!
CWCrocodile Woman
(to Gumball as Zach/Darwin) I warned you.
(At the Watterson house, Gumball and Darwin help Rocky apply for an office job.)
(typing on computer) "Office jobs..."
(The computer shows the same results.)
DDarwin
All the options say, "Work at Chanax".
CHANAX?! They're the worst corporation on Earth! They pollute, they cut down the rainforest, their boss invented boy bands! THEY'RE PURE EVIL!!
They also invented cheese puffs.
Huh. Necessary evil, I guess.
I mean, why not drive with your eyes closed, and your hands in the air too?!
Ah, great idea! [Drives with eyes closed and hands in air]
[Gumball then screams]
[He drives on the wrong lane, and barely hits other cars and people going the opposite direction]
DDarwin
[Panicked] No! NO! He was trying to use reverse psychology!
Did someone say reverse?!
[The sheriff reverses the car, and drives backwards. The car flies off a speed bump, and a speed camera takes a snapshot of the car's bottom. They continue driving, no longer reversed. Gumball takes his paws with claws stuck on the dashboard off it]
Please, I'm begging you. Someone's going to get hurt unless you stop breaking the law!
Don't worry kid, nothing can happen. I AM THE LAW! [Laughs hysterically]
[He speeds up the car. Then spotting a baby carriage and the Crocodile Woman in the middle of the road, he steps on the brakes and screeches to a halt. The car stops in time, but bumps the carriage. This sends a piece of trash flying from the baby stroller]
Oh, thank gosh it's the old stroller-full-of-trash trick.
[The piece of trash hits a live baby in another stroller from a distance, making it cry]
Your mom's aren't the superest, mine is! It's written right here.
Dude. Just because you wrote something, doesn't mean it's true.
DDarwin
What is it anyway?
What do you mean, "What is it?" It's a banana!
[He shows his card. On it is "Superest mom" with a sad clown's face. No one says anything, and he puts his arm down]
Look, I don't want to break anyone's heart here, but at the max, your mom could be the superest in your neighborhood.
DDarwin
But sometimes Mrs. Mom drives down their street.
Oh, yeah, right. Superest mom in your house then, tops.
The Amazing World of Gumball · 211 quotes
