Scenes with Darwin 63
(The episode opens in the kids' room, where the three sleep peacefully. However, once the alarm goes off, that peace fades as they wake up with devilish faces, ready to battle for control of the computer.)
(The kids each impede each other on reaching the computer. As Gumball jumps into the chair, Darwin throws a cup full of pencils over the seat, forcing Gumball to land on the pencils' sharp edges, shedding a tear in pain.)
Good move, but I can take it.
(Gumball turns the computer on, but the three discover it now needing a...)
(The bedroom door is pushed closed by the surprise culprit - their father!)
Were you standing behind that door all night for dramatic effect?
DDarwin
Then why does it look like your bladder's about to explode?
(Richard is then seen holding in his pee severely.)
You kids spend too much time on that thing. You should be playing outside.
Why do I have the feeling you sound like Mom right now?
Uh... (Nicole's arm appears holding a note.) "Your mother has nothing to do with this. I take full responsibility for being the bad cop this time. Read this or you sleep on the couch tonight."
DDarwin
What does that mean?
"Procrastinator". Derived from the Mexican word, Procratalamación, which means "midnight snack", and the Viking word, astenator, which means "puckered cheeks". It describes a person sitting on a sandwich in the dark.
[Darwin sends a confused face at Gumball]
Of course I don't know, dude. You know how I use a dictionary...
[A flashback shows a sleeping Richard and Gumball emerging behind the couch with a dictionary. He slams it shut, creating a loud boom that scares Richard, causing his heart to literally burst out of his chest. Gumball disgustedly escapes the scene.]
A procrastinator is someone who always avoids their responsibilities by doing something else instead.
(laughs) That's ridiculous.
Gumball, you're such a procrastinator that you were four years old when you finished your first sentence. Even then, it was "I'll do it tomorrow."
What's your best dance move?
[Darwin does his best dance move, sliding from side to side in his seat]
Cossack dance, but there's a problem with it.
[Gumball gets off of his seat, and dances. He repeatedly kicks himself in the face as he does so]
[They both laugh. Gumball goes back to his seat]
[In the library, Gumball once again tries to propose to Penny. He emerges from behind a bookcase and walks up to her]
Penny, there's something I need to ask you.
Actually, there's something I wanted to say as well.
I know. I totally feel what you feel. Let's say it at the same time. One. Two-
We need some space. [Gumball gasps and makes a shocked face] It's just… until you guys work it out, I kinda feel bad ruining your relationship. You two have something special, you know.
[Gumball, still shocked, screams as he runs off - without moving his legs. He screams and glides his way through the hallway, onto the bus, and back through his house until he arrives in his bedroom and finds Darwin waiting there. He is poorly dressed up like Penny]
DDarwin
Whatever it takes for you to still love me. Is it working?
If by working, you mean making me nauseous then- [Gags, then cries] But it doesn't matter anyway. Penny's left me! She didn't want to come between us, and it's all your fault! [Faceplants and sobs]
DDarwin
Uh…I didn't mean to come between you two. I-I-I just wanted to spend more time with you. I'm so sorry. Come here- [Darwin tries to reach out to Gumball, but Gumball avoids him]
Wait, this is creepy. [Sobbing loudly] But I really need a hug! [Darwin holds Gumball, and comforts him]
Is it weird that I love her so much it makes my ears sweat?
Is it weird that I think about her all the time, even in the bathroom?
Is it weird that I bought a ring and I want to ask her to marry me?
DDarwin
Well, yeah. That's-that's completely weird.
Well, it doesn't matter now. It's all ruined!
DDarwin
No, it's not. What if I could give you the perfect setting, the perfect moment?
What do you mean? [Darwin begins dancing and imitating R&B music]
Stop it. That…that's weird.
[Snickers] All right. [Joins in dancing with him] How are you gonna get a log cabin though? Or a lake? Or a chocolate fountain? And how are you gonna get her to come over?
DDarwin
Come on. Mm mm. [He starts dancing towards the door] Uh huh. Come on.
(sighs) Come on, just say it.
Well, I lost all my money, all my friends, and my girlfriend, so you were right to take that curse seriously. Come on, just say "I told you so."
DDarwin
I don't know what you take me for, but I get no pleasure out of this. (reaching the house) Let's just hope our family is still there.
[Gumball slowly opens the door]
(nervously) Hello? Mom? Dad?
DDarwin
(closes door) Told you so.
(slapping Darwin) STOP, YOU'RE BEING HYSTERICAL!!!
[Darwin slaps him back. Gumball also slaps back. They both keep slapping each other quickly before stopping]
Okay, let's stop. This isn't very constructive.
DDarwin
Exactly! We're doing this my way now. We're getting help--magical help.
DDarwin
Why don't we just use the book to defend ourselves?
(The Snatcher emerges, and Gumball hits him with the Forbidden Book to distract him.)
DDarwin
No, I mean use the spells inside!
Don't! The price to pay is too high!
Oh, we don't have a choice! (opens the book) There, a time-traveling spell. Let's just go through the night! Tempus future!
(The spell speeds up the time flow to dawn.)
Haha! In your (suddenly turns old) faaaaace....
(Gumball walks to the microwave to see his elderly state.)
Agh! What happened?? (Carrie pulls him away before the Snatcher could catch him.)
The price for that spell was your youth.
DDarwin
Don't worry! There must be a spell to fix that. Here we are! Beauteus aeterna!
(Gumball magically gets a facelift to fix his elderly face)
(The Snatcher appears again)
(Darwin gasps, but he suddenly shatters apart!)
The price for eternal beauty is his life!
What?! (opens the book and finds a revival spell) Resurrectum mortis!
(Darwin is subsequently revived, but with Frankenstein-esque characteristics. The Snatcher attempts to grab him, but flees from the sun.)
Alright, enough chitchat. Help me up! I don't wanna break a leg before my hot date.
[The kids try to lift her out, but she is surprisingly heavy]
What the weight?! How can someone so small be so heavy?
Well, I have two metal hips, one orthopedic shoe, six gold teeth, a plate in my head and an industrial-strength pacemaker. I've got so much metal in me, I'm legally classified as a motor vehicle. Anyway, where's the rope?
[The kids look back to see the rope gone.]
(to Anais) Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something?
(to Darwin) Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something??
DDarwin
(to no one) Didn't I tell you to--
Oh, wait. Sorry. My bad. I didn't tell anyone to tie it.
(sighs) We need another plan.
SMr. Small
(through intercom) This is our territory, and YOU are now our prey...
What?! are you planning to eat us?!
SMr. Small
Yes. I ran out of tofu and soy milk. Say, you guys aren't on any antibiotics, are you? If I have to eat meat, I want it to be organic.
SMr. Small
I'm sorry, but it's survival of the fittest.
Good! Then you won't mind me doing this.
GDGumball, Darwin, Anais, Nicole and Richard
YEAAAAAAAAAH!
(At the Watterson house...)
GDGumball and Darwin
BREAKFAST!!! (banging table) BREAKFAST!!! (banging table) BREAK--!
(Nicole slams down a cereal box.)
What the what is this? It looks like medieval prison food.
It's cereal - real cereal.
DDarwin
What's wrong with Smashmallows?
I read the back of the box. This is so unhealthy that by the time you guys turn 13, your double chins will be touching your cankles.
Well, at least the mascot doesn't look like a cowboy goat with high blood pressure.
DDarwin
Please, Mrs. Mom. This cereal is so bleak, that if it were a movie, it would be Danish.
I'm sorry, but the Smashmallows are going in the trash, and that's that.
(Their question still left unanswered, Gumball and Darwin mope through the neighborhood, until Gumball rolls over from his sulking.)
Why isn't anyone able to answer our question?! TELL ME, UNIVERSE -- WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE??!
(In the bowels of space..)
UUranus
Quick! I think someone is in need of a cosmic answer.
MMars
Let's explain the meaning of his pitiful existence in the form of a feel-good song.
(And so...)
So, when you think you've got a problem and your life is full of doubt
Remember, in the scheme of things, your
Puny, little, tiny, weeny,
Meager, futile, worthless, teeny,
Boring, foolish, pointless, minimal,
Wretched, bleak, obsolete, abysmal
LIFE JUST DOES NOT COUNT!!
(Back on Earth, Gumball and Darwin watch the sun, in their perspective, distortedly hum to the song.)
DDarwin
What the--? What's up with that?
I don't know, but the joke's on them. By the time they finish their smug little song, the sun would've collapsed under its own mass and exploded, so, pbht!
[Darwin draws a watch onto his wrist. Seeing the time, he gasps before rushing to the room]
DDarwin
Wake up! We're gonna be late for school!
(sighs) I'll get up when the alarm goes off.
DDarwin
But you've already pressed the snooze button!
That was five minutes ago.
DDarwin
That was an hour ago! Snooze time goes faster than regular time.
(sighs) I just found the perfect position.
[Darwin pulls the cover off, revealing Gumball in a potentially bone-breaking position]
DDarwin
Dude, it looks like you fell from the seventh floor.
Come on, just another minute.
DDarwin
[carrying Gumball] No, we're already late! See?
[Outside, the bus drives away, causing the boys to panic]
Okay, all we need to do is set the clock back to "0", and everything will be fine. Spin it!
[Darwin spins the clock, sending the boys through time. They stop in a dystopian future]
Uh, dude, I think you spun it too far...
[An explosion occurs]
[Gumball spins the clock again, this time sending them to space--the exact moment it was created via the Big Bang]
(silently, via subtitles): [That was a big bang!] (To Darwin) [Too far back?]
[Darwin nods. Gumball spins the clock again.]
DDarwin
We need to hide! He could be anywhere!
[Grabs the phone] Let's go to the bathroom, it's got a lock on the door!
[The duo run around the living room, stretching the phone's cord everywhere. Then both come rushing into the bathroom. Gumball hurriedly dials the police while Darwin closes and locks the door]
Yeah, help! There's someone in my house!
I see... Are you in the house right now?
Then that someone is you! Case solved. You're welcome!
[The Doughnut Sheriff hangs up, and in a nearby crime statistics chart, he draws from the increasing line a line straight down to zero. Gumball dials again]
Listen, you don't understand si–
Now look kid, I alr– [Phone disconnects]
[Gumball anxiously waits on the other line, frightened]
[Mystically and nervously] Someone cut the phone line!
Rocky! We need to get to the mall so we can sell out and make a load of cash!
Oh, sure. No probs- [Starts to glitch out before he can finish his sentence]
[The bus starts moving but the glitching begins to infect the bus and everything it comes in contact with. The Wattersons scream as the bus glitches out of control but their screams are temporarily switched to lovely-sounding tweeting birds as the sound begins to cut in and out as well. The bus then glitches into the air before falling back down smoothly, phasing through the ground. The bus then hits Doughnut Sheriff and Mr. Robinson who were glitched as well]
[The bus continues to glitch and the Wattersons continue to scream as the bus begins to break down. The sound begins to drop in quality as well]
We need to get out of here!
[The family jumps out of the bus as it continues to disintergrate to nothing. The family then runs towards the mall]
We got to sign that contract before there is nothing left of Elmore!
[The environment then immediately switches from a barely 3D environment to a storyboard as the Wattersons are running through the Mall Parking lot]
[Muffled] We're... almost... there!
[Muffled] Are you sure? Cos' it doesn't look like we're moving.
[The panels then begin to speed up as the Wattersons are apparently moving faster than before]
DDarwin
[Muffled] AAARGH! 'Too faaast!!!
GDGumball, Darwin, Anais, Nicole and Richard
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!!!
[Their speed boosts up, which allows them to break through the storyboard panel borders and tear through the entrance of the mall. After they crash through the door, the environment is reduced to a hand-drawn background and the Wattersons become sticky notes]
[Muffled] Where's Joyful Burger?!
[Muffled] It's that way! [Points in a direction]
[Muffled] Err... it's over there. [Sticks her thumb in the opposite direction]
[Nicole's arm is suddenly erased]
AAAAAAAHHH!!!! [Only for it to be drawn back pointing in the right direction] Oh. I meant that way.
[The Wattersons run into Joyful Burger, now crude post-it note drawings]
[In a computer-generated voice with Australian accent] Then hurry up before it's too late!
[The Wattersons, except Gumball, all sign the contract, causing their animation and the environment to revert back to normal, while Gumball remains a sticky note]
[The camera cuts to Gumball, still a post-it note drawing. He grabs the pencil on the contract]
[Puts down pencil] Wait. Are we really going to become clichés of ourselves just to sell a few burgers? Isn't there a way to survive in this world without selling out? Not everything has a price! Some things are more precious than money! Like dignity! Freedom! Love! Sorry, Larry, but you could have all the money in the world and you still couldn't afford the Wattersons!
[at Elmore Junior High, Gumball and Darwin try to resolve Anais's violence issues]
Okay, first I want you to learn what it means to hurt someone.
I'm the one who— [Gumball angrily interrupts her]
NO ARGUING! You wanna use violence? Then first you need to understand how it makes people feel!
Guys, you don't understand.
Do it! [Darwin grabs Anais' hand and forces her to slap Gumball. He acts dramatically] Oh, I feel pain! But also sorrow. Isn't there a better solution to our problem? [Darwin grabs Anais entirely and throws her on top of Gumball] Gaargh! The violence inflicted upon me has instilled a rage! That can only lead to more violence. [Gumball picks up Anais, and uses her like a baton to hit Darwin. Darwin moans dramatically]
DDarwin
As an innocent bystander I feel unjustly hurt. The violence has now become...a vicious circle!
[Again, they use her limp arms to slap each other. The action escalates into Anais becoming a small, involuntary chain-slapping tornado]
See what happens when you let yourself be an instrument of violence?! Everyone gets hurt!
You don't understand! I'm the one who's getting picked on! [Gumball grabs Anais by the cheeks to abruptly stop the spin]
Then forget everything I said.
[Gumball suddenly transforms into a Super Saiyan, including the art style of the referenced anime]
LET'S NAIL THIS GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
DDarwin
Come on, man. We both know this is just posturing. [Gumball causally reverts back to normal]
Yeah, but I thought you might buy it if I went big. Let's just try to find an actual solution.
GDGumball, Darwin and Anais
DAD!
DDarwin
Should we call the police?
(groans) And tell them what? That we spent the day dressed like eastern European popstars and got mugged for $7 by a shadow?
(The episode opens on Gumball and Darwin's computer. Gumball opens the Internet and types in "Elmore Stream-It". Before he could click a video...)
I just need one, man. Just one.
DDarwin
Don't! You know what happens if you disappear down the Elmore Stream-Hole. Who knows just how many precious hours you'll lose watching idiotic online videos? So, just back away from the PC.
DON'T COME ANY CLOSER! I'LL CLICK IT! I WILL!!!!
The Amazing World of Gumball · 211 quotes
