Scenes with Darwin 63
DDarwin
Did she say avoid or go through the Forest of Doom?
[Sighs] What would I do without you, Darwin? She said go through the Forest of Doom. Am I right, or am I wrong, Miss Simian?
Darwin, you know what's important in a situation like this?
[Laughs loudly, then sighs] No, teamwork.
DDarwin
Oh. I was gonna say that next.
Don't worry, buddy. You're part of my team, and I'm a born survivor!
DDarwin
I'm glad I'm on your team! Hey, little squirrels! [Walks off]
DDarwin
You wouldn't be naked if I had my lunchbox.
DDarwin
I sure wish I had my lunchbox.
You came back to save me?
DDarwin
Of course. We're a team, remember?
I am sorry I was such a jerk to you before. I guess I was pretty hungry, and cold, and... naked.
DDarwin
Maybe you shouldn't have thrown away my lunchbox...
DDarwin
...and swallowed the map...
DDarwin
...and got us lost...
DDarwin
...and made me chew on the rock.
Okay, I said I was sorry. Remember? So, still friends.
DDarwin
Of course! [he gives Gumball a naked hug.]
Cool, since I twisted my ankle there, I promise you to take me to the Picnic Area.
Aw, don't talk to me about those rosy-cheeked, baby-faced, (points at them) HAIRY MUTANTS!
[after firing themselves, macho Darwin and Gumball are sulking in a run-down apartment]
DDarwin
Ah, I can't believe we lost our jobs.
So this is being an adult, huh?
DDarwin
Crumbly apartment...
DGDarwin & Gumball
Rent overdue?! [Gumball holds a rotten candy cane]
And this is our last piece of food.
DDarwin
And I think we should share it.
[already eaten it] Sorry, what was that? [Darwin thunders angrily at Gumball]
DDarwin
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ATE OUR LAST PIECE OF CANDY!
WELL, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STUCK HERE WITH YOU!
DDarwin
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE BOTH YELLING!!
I KNOW, WE'RE TRYING TO HIDE FROM THE LANDLORD!!
DDarwin
LET'S BE QUIET, THEN!!!
OKAY!!! [both wallow in self-pity] I wish we were kids again.
[walks away sobbing] I'll be in my room.
Well, it seems like it's just not my day, but that's ok, because it's nothing a good song won't fix! [Singing] When life hands you lemons, you gotta make some lemonaaaade... [Breathes in, about to sing louder, but is stepped on by Hector]
Where did you get your clothes, the Lost and Found?! Hahaha!
Well actually, yes, I did.
Ohh, where did you get your clothes, the circus?! Haha!
Dude, we kind of just went over this already, Lost and Found.
Where did you get your clothes, the swim shop and the hat shop?! Hahaha!
[Principal Brown opens the door]
WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR BRAIN FROM, THE DOLLAR STORE?!
[Sees Principal Brown leaving him shocked, Banana Joe and Idaho walk away, Gumball smiles nervously at Principal Brown]
Seven hours detention, for hurting my feelings.
[Hands over a pink sheet] I'll see you after school.
FINE! [Takes sheet] OW, PAPERCUT!
[Principal Brown reenters the room. Gumball starts crying soon afterwards]
DDarwin
Yay! I wished for snow!
[Both look directly at the gross jar which mysteriously creates an eyeball. Gumball and Darwin scream]
DDarwin
Dude, where did you find an eyeball?
I-I didn't. It must be the atomic power of the microwave.
[The microwave dings, and smoke appears]
DDarwin
It looks like it's alive.
[Gumball opens the microwave door, then takes out the gross jar. Eyes and a mouth are created]
DDarwin
Did you hear that? It called you "Mom."
Hmm. Then I guess that makes you its dad.
DDarwin
Its dad?! Aah! What are we gonna do?! I don't want to be a baby father! Let's ditch it!
Shh! Don't say stuff like that in front of him! I mean, come on. He's kind of cute. Hello, little guy.
[Kenneth laughs]
Don't you worry about a thing. Me and your father will take care of everything.
[Off-screen] Give it back!
[Scene changes to the Wattersons' dining room where Richard, Nicole and Gumball are aruging while Darwin and Anais watch in fear]
[Richard snatches the hat and Nicole and Gumball slams him to the ground]
But I'm on Hat or No Hat tomorrow!
Stop it! [All stop and look at Anais] Look at what you've become! This stupid hat is driving you crazy!
It's not a helmet or a hat! It's a piece of tinfoil! And it's tearing this family apart! Look at you! You're behaving like animals!
[Sighs] Anais is right. That helmet has such a grip on us.
It's like its magic is taking control of the person who wears it!
Ha! Well, since none of you guys want it, I guess I can have it back.
No! Me and Darwin have been talking, and we've decided it has to be destroyed.
What?! You can't destroy it! I'm nothing without it!
I'm sorry, honey, but Anais is right.
[Anais walk towards Gumball]
Can- can I have one more go?
No! [Snatches the helmet out of Gumball's hands]
No! No! No! It's mine! Aah! Aah! No! It's my helmet! [Tries to get helmet back]
[Richard and Nicole stop Gumball from taking the helmet, while Gumball goes crazy]
DDarwin
Dude, chill out. It's just a bucket with some tinfoil on it.
Aaah! Give it back! It's my helmet! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
JMrs. Jötunheim
What have you done to my son?!
JMrs. Jötunheim
What's the one thing you know about giants?!
JMrs. Jötunheim
Yes, and so are their emotions! I wasn't making his life boring, I was making his life calm! You have to keep giants calm!
JMrs. Jötunheim
Because if you don't, then that happens!
[In the distance, Hector is attacking the town and causing destruction]
HHector
IS THIS BORING, OR THIS?! DO YOU THINK THIS IS BORING?! CALL ME BORING NOW! [Swipes down the Robinson's house] IS THIS BORING?!
[Margaret is in shock about the house]
[Reading newspaper] Close the window, Margaret.
[Hector squashes the police car]
Well, uhh, I think I'll-uh call it a day. [Runs off on foot]
[Hector approaches the senior citizens and yells]
HHector
I AM NOT BOOOORIIIINGGG!!!
[The senior citizens, except for Louie, are blown away]
[Back at Hector's Cave]
DDarwin
Gumball, what do we do? We have to stop him!
[Notices brooms in the cave] I got it! [Grabs a broom] We'll just fly after him using one of your witch brooms! [Attempts to "fly," but falls flat on his face]
JMrs. Jötunheim
That's a normal broomstick. I'm a cleaning lady.
[Face down on the ground] Oh.
JMrs. Jötunheim
[Takes off her hair clip] The witchy ones are over there.
(At school, Gumball has bags over his eyes, with Darwin watching worriedly)
DDarwin
...Dude, when was the last time you slept?
Don't even ask, man! Mom had me up at 4:00 in the morning, teaching me how to be a winner for that STUPID FRIDGE CHART!!
DDarwin
STUPID?! What's stupid about reaching for the stars?!
(A whistle blows.)
DDarwin
Dodgeball! (Hits Gumball) BOOM! One point! BOOM! Two points!
(Darwin continues throwing the ball at Gumball repeatedly.)
(At the lunchroom...)
See? There's nothing going on. They're just having lunch and chatting.
DDarwin
What do you think they're saying?
(Gumball's suddenly becomes possessed by jealousy, similar to a demon possessing a body)
GSGumball's Jealousy
(evilly) "So, how do you like my STUPID PINK PETALS and my FAT YELLOW FACE?" "Oh, I'm so pleased you like it." "I use it to STEAL GIRLS FROM PEOPLE!!!"
DDarwin
Gumball's jealous of Leslie.
GSGumball's Jealousy
BECAUSE HE'S TRYING TO STEAL MY GIIIRRL!!!!!
(The possessed Gumball storms down the hall sprinting towards the lunchroom, much to Darwin and Carrie's shock)
Oh, look! A bench in the shade. (chuckles)
(The two sit on the bench and sigh vividly.)
You know, after today, I never thought you and me would become friends.
Well, I guess life is just full of...SURPRISE!!
(Gumball, possessed once again by Jealousy pulls a rope, dropping maggots all over Leslie.)
GSGumball's Jealousy
Oh, I see you've met my hungry little friends.
GSGumball's Jealousy
That's right - I glued you to the bench! (cackles) I guess we won't be...INSECT-ING you at school tomorrow! HAHAHA-- No, no, I can do better. (inhales) We'll see how pretty you look after this, LARVAE-BOY! HAHA-- No, still not good. (inhales) That'll teach you for being a...creepy-crawly--ah, you get the point.
(The possessed Gumball walks away, leaving Leslie screaming in anguish.)
HEY! Turn around, you cowards.
Turn around and face the can of butt-whooping that I'm gonna open on you!
DDarwin
Wouldn't it be better to stay like we are for that?
(Gumball and Darwin have a silent debate of whether or not to face the consequences. Their conversation goes on for a few seconds before....)
[Inhales] Okay. [He and Darwin turn around]
[Banana Joe screams as he charges towards Gumball and Darwin, but slips on a water puddle, rushes under them and hits a water fountain, face first. He groans as he slowly becomes unconscious and a bruise covers his face]
Oh, that's just great! Now, people are gonna come around the corner, see him like that, and think we're massive bullies!
DDarwin
(kneels down, crying) Which we are! Because of us, he lost an eye, and we attacked him with a mirror! We punctured his tube of glue, we chewed everything in his locker, he got a huge brown banana bruise on his little face, and we managed to ruin the most precious thing his family ever owned!
(They both cry in guilt)
He did chew that pen, though.
Ddarwin
how do you spell lol?
[Sighs] Darwin, we need to talk.
You know, I love you man.
But... I think you have a problem with that phone!
So I've arranged for your butt to be surgically grafted onto your face.
DDarwin
Yeah, yeah sure great.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING!
DDarwin
Why don't you text me?
OSOcho's Mom
Ow! Ocho, what are you doing? You're not fighting again, I hope.
OOcho
Oh gosh, did I get a little too intense again?
Psh! Nah. Totally normal level of intensity.
GDGumball and Darwin
Yeeah.
OOcho
[Gets angrier] Are you sure?!
Hoo! Yes. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah.
OOcho
[Demonic voice] ARE YOU SURE?!!
Ye-e-e-es! Please go home now!
OSOcho's Mom
Oh, that's good. He can get a little carried away at times. Come on, Ocho! Dinner's ready.
OOcho
See you tomorrow guys!
[Ocho moves towards his mother, and a tractor beam pulls him up.]
OOcho
Can I sit in the front, Mom?
DDarwin
[Still whispering to Nigel Brown] Maybe you should say something.
NBNigel Brown
[Suddenly stops spitting] Yes, I suppose.
[Nigel Brown walks to Lucy Simian, and whispers something into her ear]
LSLucy Simian
[Gasps whilst pulling her dress down] You knew about this, and you thought it was funny, didn't you?!
[Gumball and Darwin simultaneously shake their heads]
LSLucy Simian
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!
NBNigel Brown
Lucy, please. I think you owe them an apology.
LSLucy Simian
Don't you "Lucy" me, Nigel! These kids tried to make a monkey out of me, and you want me to apologize?!
NBNigel Brown
Uh, you kids are free to go.
[Gumball and Darwin leave]
[Lucy Simian goes "ape" and throws furniture around, while making monkey sounds. Gumball and Darwin listen to Lucy Simian's rampage outside Brown's office]
Hmm. There's one thing I don't understand.
DDarwin
Yeah, why did she go ape when we just tried to help her?
No, why do monkeys have hair all over their bodies, except for the ugly part where they need it the most?
DDarwin
Dude, I need you to grab the emergency hammer.
I'm not breaking the window.
DDarwin
No, I need you to knock me out.
How about you just ask Sussie to calm down a little?
DDarwin
[Whimpers again] I can't...
What the... [Pauses video game] You're embarrassed, aren't you?
DDarwin
Just use the hammer...
[Laughs] Darwin Watterson, the fish who grew legs at the expense of his guts!
[Darwin squeezes his head back out]
SSussie
Which noise do you prefer? ALALALALALALALALALALALALA! or AKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!
[Sticks head on top of Sussie and Darwin's seat] Excuse me, Sussie, but can you be a little quieter, please?
SSussie
Certainly, young Gumball, I'd be more than happy to oblige!
DDarwin
[Gapes before sticking his head up and motions taking his hat off]
DDarwin
That was me, taking my hat off to you.
DDarwin
Was it...REALLY necessary...to take me over the sandbox?
I didn't want to do this, man, but it's the only way! You need to learn that words can hurt.
GVGame Voice
Round 1! Fight!
DDarwin
[charging a power blast] Your head is so big that you have to put your shirt on feet first! [Shoots energy balls at Gumball] Big head! Big head! Big head! Big head!
DDarwin
[Shoots an energy ball] Big head!
DDarwin
[Shoots an energy ball] Big head!
You keep using the same move!
DDarwin
[Shoots an energy ball] Big head!
[Gumball echoes and collapses]
GVGame Voice
Darwin wins! Perfect! Round Two! Fight!
You're so ugly that when you entered an ugly contest, the judges said "no professionals"! [Shoots an energy ball]
DDarwin
You're so dumb you put stamps on your e-mails! [Shoots an energy ball]
You're so short that your head smells like feet! [Shoots an energy ball]
DDarwin
Your brain's so small that your thoughts have an echo! [Shoots an energy ball]
Your cheeks are so big that people don't know which end of you they're looking at! [Shoots an energy ball]
[Camera cuts to reality, Tobias, Banana Joe, Anton and Bobert cheers looking unamazed while Gumball and Darwin are still pretending to be in the game]
Your face is so greasy that people put on weight when they look at you! [Shoots an "energy ball"]
TTobias​​​​​​​
Nyeh, it's not as good as I thought it'd be.
[Tobias, Banana Joe, Anton and Bobert leave, still making cheering motions. Camera cuts back to the game]
You're so bald that when you take a shower, you get brainwashed!
DDarwin
You're so-- Ah! I got nothing!
[Gumball shoots an energy ball that dazes Darwin. He immediately closes in for the finish.]
You're so chubby, the back of your head looks like a pack of wieners.
[Gumball takes Round 2 with a Street Fighter-esque uppercut move. He then performs a victory pose]
GVGame Voice
FINAL ROUND!
Wait a minute. Pause! [pauses the "game"]
[The episode opens at the video store, where Gumball is trying to rent a movie, but, inexplicably, an invisible barrier is standing in his way as he struggles to put the film on the counter.]
What's wrong with you this time?
(straining) This movie is so sucky, my body refuses to rent it.
Then don't rent it and get out of here.
NO! I promised my sister!
DDarwin
(takes the movie from Gumball) Here, let me try.
[Darwin runs to the counter, but the barrier emits a powerful force that knocks him back, causing him to fall backfirst.]
DDarwin
You're right. This movie's so bad that every atom in my body refuses to pay to see it.
(views the film's cover) Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. (gasps) A Pony's Tail?
You know, there are less painful ways to hurt your eyes. You could pour salt in them while staring at the sun, for example.
I'm sorry, Carrie, but we promised Anais we'd do something she wanted today.
DDarwin
We never realized how unbearable it'd be, and we haven't even watched it.
Come on, we're already late!
Carrie! (checks Carrie, then speaks to Darwin, quietly) I think her horror movie brain got traumatized by an overload of pony cuteness.
I THOUGHT I WAS A HARDCORE HORROR MOVIE FAN, BUT I WAS LIVING A LIE! (grabs Gumball by his shirt) Tell me, is it wrong for a punk-rock chick who lives in a haunted, malevolent mansion to be touched by the magical friendship of a pony?
Uh...no. But could you tell your pet to stop rubbing itself on my leg, 'cause that's kinda wrong.
[Below, a translucent, disembodied hand rubs Gumball's leg.]
That's not a pet. That's my grandma.
[Gumball makes a confused face.]
I don't know. She kinda bites her nails sometimes.
DDarwin
WE ARE NOT HERE TO DISCUSS CARRIE'S FREAK SHOW OF A FAMILY! WHERE IS THE DVD?!
Uh, it's in the DVD player.
DDarwin
Really? After all that's happened today, I didn't think it'd be that easy as pushing a button to-
[When Darwin presses the eject button, the DVD flies out of the window.]
DDarwin
Yeah. That makes more sense.
DDarwin
I think I know what this is. This is a dream where I am naked in public.
Dude, you're always naked.
DDarwin
Well, yes. It's probably why I dreamed about it so much.
[his clothes disappeared quite suddenly, he got naked] Wait a minute, if this is your naked dream, does that mean that... Whoa! [He covers his naked body with his hands.] Well! at least we're not in public.
(Darwin is dragged into the dream's climax as Gumball dances after him.)
HEY! What do you think you're doing?!
DDarwin
I can't help it! Your dream is too strong! You have to believe I wouldn't betray you!
It's kind of hard when I'm watching you betray me right now!
DDarwin
Well, it's your dream! Just think of a different ending!
(Gumball imagines a brick wall, but Darwin smashes through it.)
DDarwin
Maybe something less painful?
(Darwin reaches Penny and dips her down.)
DDarwin
Hurry up! Think of something!
(Gumball's next thought shrivels his lips away.)
DDarwin
Can you think of something less horrific?!
Sorry, I just thought if you didn't have lips, you can't kiss Penny.
DDarwin
Of course I can. It'll just be really hideous for her. [Darwin's lips return to normal] Think!!
DDarwin
(as his lips pucker) I'm sorry! You're making me do this! I'M SORRY!!!
(Darwin begins kissing Penny...)
(Gumball's pineapple explodes as he desperately cooks up another thought. When Darwin stops kissing, he discovers Gumball has replaced Penny's face...with Sussie's!)
[Darwin screams in terror as the boys awaken.]
DDarwin
Why did you make me kiss Sussie?!?! I can wash the kiss off my tongue, but IT'LL NEVER LEAVE MY BRAIN!!
[The episode starts in a candy wonderland game where Darwin is collecting sweets. Then, he gets a power-up, and grows wings, but, he cannot fly over a wall ahead. The scene changes back to reality as Darwin is using badminton rackets as wings, and tries to "fly" over the "wall," which is actually the shed, but fails repeatedly]
[Furiously pressing buttons on a controller] Why aren't you flying? I'm pressing the right buttons!
DDarwin
Because, no matter how loud you shout, I still can't break the laws of physics!
Then break the laws of biology! You managed to grow legs, just put some effort in, and grow some wings!
DDarwin
Well, maybe you should be better at controlling me! [He angrily throws the rackets onto the ground]
The Amazing World of Gumball · 211 quotes
