Scenes with Gumball 87
GGumball
[Sighs] Darwin, we need to talk.
GGumball
You know, I love you man.
GGumball
But... I think you have a problem with that phone!
GGumball
So I've arranged for your butt to be surgically grafted onto your face.
GGumball
YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING!
OSOcho's Mom
Ow! Ocho, what are you doing? You're not fighting again, I hope.
OOcho
Oh gosh, did I get a little too intense again?
GGumball
Psh! Nah. Totally normal level of intensity.
GDGumball and Darwin
Yeeah.
OOcho
[Gets angrier] Are you sure?!
GGumball
Hoo! Yes. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah.
OOcho
[Demonic voice] ARE YOU SURE?!!
GGumball
Ye-e-e-es! Please go home now!
OSOcho's Mom
Oh, that's good. He can get a little carried away at times. Come on, Ocho! Dinner's ready.
OOcho
See you tomorrow guys!
[Ocho moves towards his mother, and a tractor beam pulls him up.]
OOcho
Can I sit in the front, Mom?
(The episode opens on Nicole, who is whimpering in her sleep in the front lawn. Anais touches her face to wake her up.)
GGumball
Mom, are you alright?
Oh, I just had the weirdest dream. I was out on the front lawn and your father had a job as a pizza delivery guy.
(Offscreen, then shown in a delivery boy outfit) That wasn't a dream. That's what I just told you---and you fainted! (chuckles)
(Back at the house..)
Your father has a job. Your father has...a job.
(Anais is holding Nicole's hand to comfort her, but the woman suddenly jumps up to her.)
Something's gonna go terribly wrong, isn't it?!?
No, this is a good thing. We can finally buy all the things we need.
What do you mean? We got everything we need.
(picks up a family photo) Mom, we've all been wearing the same clothes for the past year, you three don't even have any shoes, (whispers) and I think it's about time Darwin wore some pants.
(Back at the house, Nicole is huddled in a blanket, hyperventilating while Anais sits beside her, comforting her.)
Mom, when you say "Dad having a job has upset the fundamental balance of the universe," are you sure you don't just mean he's changed the balance of power in the house, and that upsets you because you're a little bit of a control freak?
No. Maybe.... I don't know anymore!
(Gumball and Darwin enter the house)
Boys! What's going on with your father?! Has something terrible happened?!
GGumball
Well, he dropped a few pizzas, so we delivered 'em. That's about it.
Maybe I should just forget about all this...
GGumball
You know, that good stuff's got me thinking, what else is cheap in this house?
[Gumball, Darwin, and Anais walk into the living room]
GGumball
I mean, look at this MP3 player. Now tell me it's not a calculator with headphones stuck in it. [Grabs a copy of "HOW TO RATATWANG YOUR PANDA"] And that DVD is not even the real film. It's some mockbuster from the bargain bin.
What's wrong with "How to Ratatwang Your Panda"?
[On the TV Screen, a section of the film plays, taking place in a dojo]
GCGood CGI Mouse
Get ready, panda, use your secret weapon.
CPChuck the Panda
Okay, you asked for it. [Does a massive fart in the other mice's face]
[Cuts back to the couch]
HAHAHAHAHA! HEHAHA! [Sighs] Clever.
GGumball
And look at this "blender". You really call this top-of-the-line?
[Gumball turns on the blender, actually a fan blade above a bowl, and puts an orange in it, causing its juice to fly onto the ceiling]
GGumball
Why can't we have the good stuff?
More importantly, what's mom hiding?
[The home phone rings, and Anais answers]
SVSpooky Voice
For your own safety, stop digging around. There's nothing to find.
Okay, but if we were going to start digging, where should we look?
SVSpooky Voice
Definitely not the attic. Ah! No, wait--! Oh, darn--.
[The voice hangs up as Anais cleverly laughs]
[Still whispering to Nigel Brown] Maybe you should say something.
NBNigel Brown
[Suddenly stops spitting] Yes, I suppose.
[Nigel Brown walks to Lucy Simian, and whispers something into her ear]
LSLucy Simian
[Gasps whilst pulling her dress down] You knew about this, and you thought it was funny, didn't you?!
[Gumball and Darwin simultaneously shake their heads]
LSLucy Simian
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!
NBNigel Brown
Lucy, please. I think you owe them an apology.
LSLucy Simian
Don't you "Lucy" me, Nigel! These kids tried to make a monkey out of me, and you want me to apologize?!
NBNigel Brown
Uh, you kids are free to go.
[Gumball and Darwin leave]
[Lucy Simian goes "ape" and throws furniture around, while making monkey sounds. Gumball and Darwin listen to Lucy Simian's rampage outside Brown's office]
GGumball
Hmm. There's one thing I don't understand.
Yeah, why did she go ape when we just tried to help her?
GGumball
No, why do monkeys have hair all over their bodies, except for the ugly part where they need it the most?
Dude, I need you to grab the emergency hammer.
GGumball
I'm not breaking the window.
No, I need you to knock me out.
GGumball
How about you just ask Sussie to calm down a little?
[Whimpers again] I can't...
GGumball
What the... [Pauses video game] You're embarrassed, aren't you?
GGumball
[Laughs] Darwin Watterson, the fish who grew legs at the expense of his guts!
[Darwin squeezes his head back out]
SSussie
Which noise do you prefer? ALALALALALALALALALALALALA! or AKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!
GGumball
[Sticks head on top of Sussie and Darwin's seat] Excuse me, Sussie, but can you be a little quieter, please?
SSussie
Certainly, young Gumball, I'd be more than happy to oblige!
[Gapes before sticking his head up and motions taking his hat off]
That was me, taking my hat off to you.
Was it...REALLY necessary...to take me over the sandbox?
GGumball
I didn't want to do this, man, but it's the only way! You need to learn that words can hurt.
GVGame Voice
Round 1! Fight!
[charging a power blast] Your head is so big that you have to put your shirt on feet first! [Shoots energy balls at Gumball] Big head! Big head! Big head! Big head!
[Shoots an energy ball] Big head!
GGumball
That's cheating!
[Shoots an energy ball] Big head!
GGumball
You keep using the same move!
[Shoots an energy ball] Big head!
[Gumball echoes and collapses]
GVGame Voice
Darwin wins! Perfect! Round Two! Fight!
GGumball
You're so ugly that when you entered an ugly contest, the judges said "no professionals"! [Shoots an energy ball]
You're so dumb you put stamps on your e-mails! [Shoots an energy ball]
GGumball
You're so short that your head smells like feet! [Shoots an energy ball]
Your brain's so small that your thoughts have an echo! [Shoots an energy ball]
GGumball
Your cheeks are so big that people don't know which end of you they're looking at! [Shoots an energy ball]
[Camera cuts to reality, Tobias, Banana Joe, Anton and Bobert cheers looking unamazed while Gumball and Darwin are still pretending to be in the game]
GGumball
Pshoo! Cling! Pew!
GGumball
Your face is so greasy that people put on weight when they look at you! [Shoots an "energy ball"]
TTobias​​​​​​​
Nyeh, it's not as good as I thought it'd be.
[Tobias, Banana Joe, Anton and Bobert leave, still making cheering motions. Camera cuts back to the game]
GGumball
You're so bald that when you take a shower, you get brainwashed!
You're so-- Ah! I got nothing!
[Gumball shoots an energy ball that dazes Darwin. He immediately closes in for the finish.]
GGumball
You're so chubby, the back of your head looks like a pack of wieners.
[Gumball takes Round 2 with a Street Fighter-esque uppercut move. He then performs a victory pose]
GVGame Voice
FINAL ROUND!
GGumball
Wait a minute. Pause! [pauses the "game"]
CClayton
[Panicking] GUYS, GUYS, GUYS! [Gumball and Darwin stare at him angry] The skull guy, he's real, HE'S REAL!
GGumball
[Sarcastically] Yeah, sure. The skull guy that I made up actually exists. Oh, don't tell me. He's seven feet tall, covered in tattoos, and he's about to burst into those very-
[Razor burst and breaking into the doors with his guitar growling looking at Gumball, Darwin and Clayton]
GGumball
[Surprised] doors.
CClayton
[Determined] You know what time it is?
GGumball
[Scared] Time to change my pants?
CClayton
No, it's TIME TO KICK SOME BUTT!
(Gumball dials the tech support hotline.)
RReceptionist
Hello, and thank you for calling our technical support.
GGumball
Hi! I have a problem with--
RReceptionist
To book an appointment with one of our technicians, press one. To place an order-
GGumball
DAGNABBIT, YOU STUPID ANSWERING MACHINE!! IF I WANTED TO SPEAK TO--
RReceptionist
Well, excuse you, sir. If you did this job all day, you, too, would end up talking like a machine.
[Using a GPS, Richard drives recklessly through private houses on the way to drop Gumball, Darwin and Anais at Elmore High]
GGumball
Dad, why do we have to go to school?
GGumball
But why would I need a job?
GGPS
Continue ahead. [the car drives forward on an unfinished expressway]
GGumball
Well, why do I need money?
To buy the stuff that the TV makes us want. [the car continues forward and drops down a great height]
GGumball
But why do I need to buy stuff?
Because if you didn't buy stuff, everyone would be out of a job and no one would have any money.
GGumball
Wait, so I have to work for the rest of my life to pay for stuff that I don't want, just so that everyone else can suffer the same horrible fate as me?
Exactly. [the car crash-lands onto another expressway and continues on, causing traffic accidents]
GGumball
You just live your life without thinking, don't you?
I believe you are underestimating me, son.
[The episode opens at the video store, where Gumball is trying to rent a movie, but, inexplicably, an invisible barrier is standing in his way as he struggles to put the film on the counter.]
What's wrong with you this time?
GGumball
(straining) This movie is so sucky, my body refuses to rent it.
Then don't rent it and get out of here.
GGumball
NO! I promised my sister!
(takes the movie from Gumball) Here, let me try.
[Darwin runs to the counter, but the barrier emits a powerful force that knocks him back, causing him to fall backfirst.]
You're right. This movie's so bad that every atom in my body refuses to pay to see it.
(views the film's cover) Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. (gasps) A Pony's Tail?
You know, there are less painful ways to hurt your eyes. You could pour salt in them while staring at the sun, for example.
GGumball
I'm sorry, Carrie, but we promised Anais we'd do something she wanted today.
We never realized how unbearable it'd be, and we haven't even watched it.
GGumball
Come on, we're already late!
GGumball
Carrie! (checks Carrie, then speaks to Darwin, quietly) I think her horror movie brain got traumatized by an overload of pony cuteness.
I THOUGHT I WAS A HARDCORE HORROR MOVIE FAN, BUT I WAS LIVING A LIE! (grabs Gumball by his shirt) Tell me, is it wrong for a punk-rock chick who lives in a haunted, malevolent mansion to be touched by the magical friendship of a pony?
GGumball
Uh...no. But could you tell your pet to stop rubbing itself on my leg, 'cause that's kinda wrong.
[Below, a translucent, disembodied hand rubs Gumball's leg.]
That's not a pet. That's my grandma.
[Gumball makes a confused face.]
GGumball
What does she eat?
I don't know. She kinda bites her nails sometimes.
WE ARE NOT HERE TO DISCUSS CARRIE'S FREAK SHOW OF A FAMILY! WHERE IS THE DVD?!
Uh, it's in the DVD player.
Really? After all that's happened today, I didn't think it'd be that easy as pushing a button to-
[When Darwin presses the eject button, the DVD flies out of the window.]
Yeah. That makes more sense.
I think I know what this is. This is a dream where I am naked in public.
GGumball
Dude, you're always naked.
Well, yes. It's probably why I dreamed about it so much.
GGumball
[his clothes disappeared quite suddenly, he got naked] Wait a minute, if this is your naked dream, does that mean that... Whoa! [He covers his naked body with his hands.] Well! at least we're not in public.
(Darwin is dragged into the dream's climax as Gumball dances after him.)
GGumball
HEY! What do you think you're doing?!
I can't help it! Your dream is too strong! You have to believe I wouldn't betray you!
GGumball
It's kind of hard when I'm watching you betray me right now!
Well, it's your dream! Just think of a different ending!
(Gumball imagines a brick wall, but Darwin smashes through it.)
Maybe something less painful?
(Darwin reaches Penny and dips her down.)
Hurry up! Think of something!
(Gumball's next thought shrivels his lips away.)
Can you think of something less horrific?!
GGumball
Sorry, I just thought if you didn't have lips, you can't kiss Penny.
Of course I can. It'll just be really hideous for her. [Darwin's lips return to normal] Think!!
GGumball
I'VE GOT NOTHING!
(as his lips pucker) I'm sorry! You're making me do this! I'M SORRY!!!
(Darwin begins kissing Penny...)
(Gumball's pineapple explodes as he desperately cooks up another thought. When Darwin stops kissing, he discovers Gumball has replaced Penny's face...with Sussie's!)
[Darwin screams in terror as the boys awaken.]
Why did you make me kiss Sussie?!?! I can wash the kiss off my tongue, but IT'LL NEVER LEAVE MY BRAIN!!
[The episode starts in a candy wonderland game where Darwin is collecting sweets. Then, he gets a power-up, and grows wings, but, he cannot fly over a wall ahead. The scene changes back to reality as Darwin is using badminton rackets as wings, and tries to "fly" over the "wall," which is actually the shed, but fails repeatedly]
GGumball
[Furiously pressing buttons on a controller] Why aren't you flying? I'm pressing the right buttons!
Because, no matter how loud you shout, I still can't break the laws of physics!
GGumball
Then break the laws of biology! You managed to grow legs, just put some effort in, and grow some wings!
Well, maybe you should be better at controlling me! [He angrily throws the rackets onto the ground]
GGumball
How's this for better?
And the police said I have to wear this thing for...
[Changes to Mr. Robinson's house]
Six weeks. And I can't leave the house or it...
[Back to Wattersons' house]
Sets off an alarm and I'll be...
[Back to Robinson's house]
Sent to prison. And it was all...
RRRichard and Mr. Robinson
HIS FAULT!
GGumball
Dad, could you explain that again, this time using full sentences?
I'd love to, but I'm too busy...
[off scene] Plotting my revenge!
[All the Wattersons hear Mr. Robinson shouting]
Hmm... I see what is happening here.
Boys, I need you to sneak into Mr. Robinson's house. There's this old prank I used to do in collage.
GGumball
[quizzically] College?
Okay, high school. Just do as I say.
GGumball
Mr. Robinson, we need you to stop this feud or you and Dad are gonna end up in prison.
GRGaylord Robinson
Almost there... darn it! [pulls back in the long stick, which is made up of household items that have a long reach]
What are you doing, anyway?
Trying to get back at your father, but this thing's still not long enough!
[On the end of the stick, there is a bee taped down to a pencil.]
GGumball
What the wasp?! Mr. Robinson! This argument has spiraled into madness! It has to stop.
Not till your father pays for what he did to my car.
GGumball
Then you leave us no choice, sir. Darwin?
[Darwin gets Mr. Robinson's alarm clock.]
Stop the feud, or I reset your alarm clock.
No! I won't know how to reprogram it!
How would you like to wake up at six? Seven? Eight? Or nine a.m.?
Nine a.m.?! I'll lose half the day!
GGumball
You know, this can end anytime you like.
Humph. Do your worst. My bladder will wake me up at five anyway.
GGumball
Well then, how would you like your radio tuned to young people's music?!
[Darwin turns the radio to a "young people's music" station, and a parody of the song "Baby" plays.]
AGH! HE SAID THE WORD "BABY" OVER SEVENTEEN TIMES! TURN IT OFF!
[Darwin turns the radio off.]
Okay! Okay! I give up! I'll end the feud. But please, can you do this one thing for me in return? [pulls out an envelope] I can't leave the house to post this letter. Would you do it for me?
GGumball
Sir, it would be an honor.
AAlan​​​​​​​
No, I love you more because I also love, loving you—
GGumball
Sorry to interrupt. But can you please stop this?
Alan: What?
GGumball
THIS! This hideous picture of happiness.
[Masami, Carrie and Leslie chime in, agreeing with Gumball]
GGumball
I'm don't like it when you two use your stupid pet names and your gross lovey-dovey faces. You don't see me and Penny acting like that.
Because you're not going out with her?
GGumball
Exactly. [sighs]
IIdaho
You two are so beautiful, it makes me believe I, too, can find love. [Angrily] But when I look in the mirror, I realize I'm just a dirt covered ball of starch!
[Alan moves to Idaho]
Alan: But Idaho, if you wanna be loved... first, you gotta love yourself.
LLeslie​​​​​​​
[Angrily] Yeah! You're so nice and sensitive too I can't even hate you!
MMasami
[Angrily] You're so perfect, it makes me wanna rain on your parade until you swell up, turn brown, and rot!
[Carrie is confused, while everyone is silent]
[Clicks tongue] Uhhhh... I think what Masami is trying to say is that you guys are so perfect, it kinda makes us wish for your downfall.
MMasami
Uh-huh, why don't you go and be perfect somewhere else?
[Everyone walks away except Alan, Carmen, Gumball and Darwin. Gumball looks guilty, while Darwin pats him on the back]
[The scene cuts to the dreaded detention room itself, where the kids in detention are messing things up and trashing the room. Nigel Brown barges in and stops the ruckus.]
NBNigel Brown
SILENCE, YOU ANIMALS! These are the new inmates. Make sure they feel welcome.
[With dried eyes] Can I blink now?
NBNigel Brown
You're not gonna last two minutes in here, little fish.
[Principal Brown exits, and slams the door. Gumball and Darwin turn around at their new "inmates," looking scared. They start talking with each other seemingly through their thoughts]
Gumball. Can you hear me?
GGumball
Yeah. What will we do? These ugly filths look like they were raised by hyenas in a post-apocalyptic future.
Ha ha! Especially the cupcake. She looks like she was made out of rotten eggs, and foot fungus.
RCRotten Cupcake
I'm a boy, dork bag.
GGumball
Ugh! Even her voice is gross. Wait, hang on. How can she hear our secret thoughts?
RReaper
'Cause you're talking out loud, homie.
GGumball
Yeah, that makes more sense.
Well, I cheated on a math test,
teacher says I gotta pay.
[in unison with Darwin and the other detention kids]
Doin' time up at the schoolhouse
and it gets worse everyday.
I've done a lot of bad things
as freedom went away.
[In unison with Gumball and the other detention kids]
I've seen a lot of sad things
and it gets worse everyday!
GDGumball and Darwin
[singing in unison]
I never was a bad guy,
'til I was put away. Now,
I'm stealin', cheatin',
lyin' and it gets worse everyday!
They think I learned my lesson,
that crime just doesn't pay.
But stuck here in detention,
I have found another way.
I'm the baddest kid in the prison,
and I get worse everydaaay!
[The song ends as the inmates trash the detention room once again. Nigel Brown barges in again.]
NBNigel Brown
SILENCE, YOU ANIMALS! I WANT THIS ROOM CLEANED UP BY LUNCHTIME, DO YOU HEAR ME?!
Mom, instead of milk, can we have chocolate milk?
Instead of eggs, can we have chocolate eggs?
GGumball
Instead of bread, can we have chocolate bread?
No.[Sighs] Richard, can I get a little help here, please?
Sure. [Walks to the kids] Here kids, [Grabs a chocolate bar] stop bothering your mother and eat this chocolate.
[Nicole groans and swiftly kicks the chocolate bar out of Richard's hand]
GGumball
What the...?! Well what's the point in dragging us here if we're not getting some kind of treat?!
[Strained voice, speaks through gritted teeth] Because we're having a nice family outing and that should be reward enough.
[Gumball starts to whimper]
GGumball
[Screams and cries while lying down and bangs on the floor] I WANT THE CHOCOLATE EGGS!
[Nicole sighs, and just as Anais and Darwin copy Gumball, Richard starts screaming. Gary walks by and gives Nicole a judgmental stare]
[Grabs two cans of hot dogs and speaks in a high-pitched voice while staring at the one on her right hand] Oh, Mommy, I want some chocolate. [Stares at the one on her left hand in a normal pitched voice] I'm sorry, little sausage, but you had too much candy this week. [Closes her eyes in a high pitched voice] WAH WAH WAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! [Squeezes the can in her right hand so hard it explodes; normal voice] Now all the little sausages are punished and going to have to wait in the car.
GGumball
You paranoid nut bar, that stuff doesn't work.
Then why are you holding a basket full of lipstick?
GGumball
Three colors, five dollars! It'd be stupid not to buy it!
[As Anais stares at him, Gumball realizes what she's saying]
GGumball
This. Is. Perfect! If we use those tricks on Mom, we can get anything we want! It's foolproof! [Starts singing happily] Who's getting candy? [Points at Anais] Owww, you're getting candy! Uh! Uh! [Starts dancing]
I'm getting candy! [Twirls around] And he's getting candddddy!
I'm getting candy?! [Pretends to shred on an air guitar] Uhn! Uhn! She's getting candy! [Points at Anais]
Mmm, mmm, mmm-mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm! I'm getting candy, [Points at each of the three boys] you're getting candy, he's getting candy, he's getting candy, she's—
[The Wattersons walk out in disappointment]
The Amazing World of Gumball · 211 quotes
