[Opening shot: Iris into a close up of a purple-yellow monster, cut to a terrified Carl, then to a frightened old lady, followed by a terrified Sheen, it is revealed to be a poster at a video store visited by Jimmy, Carl and Sheen]
I don't know, guys. $15 is a lot of money.
Jimmy, what's Doombringer II?
I don't know. It IS a lot of game.
SheenNow, remember [he takes hand of the said game] it's for mature players only, so act even more maturer-er than we usually do. I'll try and grow a mustache. [tries to do so, only to realize nothing happens]
My dad's over 18. I'll act like him. [cut to Doombringer II and three dollar bills and four grey coins being placed on the counter by Jimmy with Carl with ice cream in the background] Well, howdy there, Clerky Clerkotron.
CCClerky Clerkotron
[hands the objects back] Beat it kids, this game is for mature players only, due to violence, exaggerated mayhem and old lady kicking.
Sheen
That's not fair! We're highly mature! [pounds fist] I demand my constipational rights! [Clerky kicks the boys out of the store; pointing his finger up] How dare he throw your father out of the store?!
Come on guys, Let's go do something "age-appropriate."
[They leave the scene, except for Sheen who gets the rest of his body back to the scene. About to return to the store, with a grin on his face]
Sheen
Hey you! Check it out! I'm staring at it with both eyes, and you can't stop me! [but the clerk throws the ice cream onto Sheen's eye] I stand corrected.
[Jimmy screams in the mirror after seeing he's old. Goddard screams like a teen girl after seeing Jimmy old. Doorbell rings. Cuts to Jimmy answering the door, only to scream again]
Jimmy, is that you way over there?
Guys! Something went horribly wrong!
Old Sheen
Oh, gee you think? And another thing: kids today wear their pants too low! They're down under their stomachs, for cryin' out loud!
Jimmy, are you sure your mom wants us to drive her car?
Carl, I'm at least 75 years old. I think I can make my own decision.
Old Sheen
Hey! I know what you're doing! You're trying to take me to the nursing home! [pounds on the car's window] Let me out! Let me out!
Sheen, careful! This car's going an excess of 7 miles an hour.
[They park into a parking lot at the Candy Bar]
Old Sheen
You know, when I was a kid, the sky was bluer! And a quarter would buy you groceries for a week!
Gas planet. Does anyone remember what we drove down here to get?
Well, I'd like a canary to talk to while I watch TV and eat soup.
[sees a titanium and gift card store across the street] Ha! Titanium! That's it! [walks slowly to the store]
Old Sheen
I think Jimmy wants us to follow him.
Yeah. 'Course I always wanted to try the senior's buffet at the Candy Bar.
Old Sheen
Right behind you, my wrinkled friend.
Hey, Oldilocks, what's the big idea, you and your bingo buddy takin' all the rice pudding from the buffet?
Old Sheen
It says "Seniors Eat Dessert Free"!
You're supposed to buy an entree first!
We did. I had a hamburger in here yesterday. [he and Sheen laugh] Oh, my spleen.
[Meanwhile, at the titanium and gift cards store…]
Now, what was it I wanted? Something starting with a "T." Tostadas, turpentine?
Well, hey, old-timer. I like the way you're wearing your pants. I've been thinking of wearing mine more like that, maybe growing out my nose hair a little bit. You look familiar.
Oh, no, I'm just a strange old man, not your son after screwing up an experiment.
[chuckles] I know. You remind me of my father, except you're not always saying, "Huey, I told you, toothpaste isn't food."
Not possible. I don't have any family.
What? Oh, well, that's terrible. Come on. Come with me, I'll get you a nice home-cooked meal.
B-but I can't. I have to buy something with a "T."
I'll get you a nice cup of tea.
[Last lines]
Carl, what are you eating?
Just some prune whip from your lab.
Carl, there wasn't any prune whip. That's my experimental truth telling serum!
Oh, Jimmy that's ridic- [snaps to truth mode] I stole Jimmy's toast the other day. Sometimes, I dream about girls.
I don't think Ultralord exists...
Sheen
LALALALALA! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!
My mom is really 42. I just ripped-
Sheen
MAKE HIM STOP!
This is my 27th greatest invention ever. Behold, the Neutronic Monster Maker!
Sheen
Sweet name.
Simply select a monster, step under the cone of creation, and it'll realign your molecules to make you look like that monster- down to each horrifying atom.
Cool! But Sheen, you got to promise that when you're scary, you won't scare me.
Sheen
My word is my bond.
I've downloaded every monster imaginable. I have 102 different monsters to choose from. Here are your choices. [clears throat] A werewolf…
Sheen
That's it- I want to be the wolf guy!
Sheen, I have 101 other monsters.
Sheen
I know, Jimmy, but it's been my lifelong dream to be covered in hair.
All right, werewolf it is. What about you, Carl? The Hunchback of Notre Dame?
The Phantom of the Opera?
Sheen
"Frahnkenshteen."
No, I don't like his wardrobe. I'm more of a summer. [gasps] Who's the guy with the cape?
Yeah, he has a cape. I want to be Dracula!
All right, Dracula and a werewolf it is.
VCVampire Carl
I want more! I need blood!
Sheen
You need counseling.
VCVampire Carl
Must have blood! Listen to them, the children of the night. What music they make. I must join them! [changes into his bat form and flies away] Bye, you guys! See you later!
Sheen
That was weird. But totally awesome! I wanna turn into a bat! I wanna fly! Make me a bat, Jimmy! Make me a bat!
I didn't do that! Carl just changed into a vampire bat on his own.
Sheen
But it's Halloween. What do you expect?
The monster maker must've mutated Carl's molecular structure on a subatomic level, altering his DNA!
Sheen
And now again in English.
Hey, I don't want to drink blood anymore.
Sheen
Huh. I've lost all desire to consume human flesh.
Hey, I can speak in complete sentences. Now, where's my scary little Sugarbooger?
[holding a plate of banana balls and prune puffs] Right here, you monster. Who's up for banana balls and prune puffs?
[Everyone expresses in disgust]
We never got to go trick-or-treating.
Sheen
And we left behind all our candy when we changed into monsters.
No candy on Halloween? That is scary.
OMOctopus Man Jimmy
Don't worry. I can fix that.
Carl, Sheen, to the lake! [cut to Carl screaming as they're at the lake] You gonna keep doing that?
I'm sorry, Jim. I just have some bad associations with this lake.
Sheen
Everyone has something they're afraid of Carl. For me, it's the crawl space under grandma's house. For you, it's a stupid lake!
What happened here, Carl?
Well, two years ago, I came here with my pet turtle, Snappy. [Flashback to two years ago; voice-over] He was my best friend, but I was allergic to him. [his cheeks swell up due to his allergic reaction] So I had to release him right here on this beach. And ever since, the lake has filled me with feelings of nausea, blind terror, and then more nausea.
Sheen
Say, Jimmy, you're not going to stomp on Carl's dreams again, are you?
Oh, that's okay, Sheen. Now that I've had some fudge, I feel much better.
Sheen
You look better.
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Carl. I just didn't want you to be disappointed by impossible wishes like, well, like I was.
Well, two years ago, I wrote Santa asking for a core sample from Dwarf Star NG738. [Flashback to Christmas morning, two years ago when he enters the living room; voice-over] I wanted it more than anything ever. When I opened my presents on Christmas morning...no dwarf star. [back to the present] That was the saddest day of my life. [Sheen laughs] Sheen, what's so funny?
Sheen
Isn't it obvious, Jimmy? You were just naughty that year!
What are you talking about?
Sheen
Well, wasn't that the year you almost destroyed the Earth?
No, you guys are missing the point.
Sheen
Jimmy was naughty! Jimmy was naughty!
[Episode starts at Lindbergh Elementary School; the bell rings and all the students leave Miss Fowl's classroom after taking a history test]
Okay, that history test was hard.
Yeah, now I know how you guys feel when I beat on you.
Four score and seven years ago... oxygen!
Sheen
Hey, guys! Man, that test was cake! I didn't know whether to answer the questions to put frosting on 'em, am I right? Am I right?
Actually, Sheen, I thought it was fairly challenging.
Sheen
Challenging? Please! My grandma's chihuahua could've aced it. I've done connect-the-dot drawings that were harder. [Sheen suddenly cringes as Miss Fowl calls for him]
[sticking out from behind the classroom door, wanting to have a talk with him; sharply] SHEEN!!!
Sheen
Ex-squeeze me, Miss Fowl probably wants to congratulate me on the best job well done ever.
[Later, outside school… Jimmy and Carl look at Sheen's history test up-close, which unfortunately, he now failed with every question answered in Ultra Lord themed topics]
JCJimmy & Carl
Quadruple F-minus?!
Sheen
Well, how was I supposed to know Ultra Lord wasn't the father of our country? That's what it says on the Ultra Lord website.
Wait, didn't you write the Ultra Lord website?
Sheen
Your point? [Jimmy rolls his eyes before walking up to his hover car] Oh. Anyway, Miss Fowl said if I don't pass tomorrow's math final, I'm gonna be left back!
Left back?! That's terrible!
Sheen
Tell me about it! I can't be in a class with a bunch of babies who wet their pants and cry for their mommies!
Well, technically, they'd be the same age we are now, and we don't wet our pants and cry for... [stops and sees Carl sucking his thumb and holding a llama plushie]
Sheen, I won't allow Miss Fowl to leave you back!
No way! We're the Three Amigops!
[confused] "The Three Amigops"?
Yeah, well, you see, I was making us name tags, [shows Jimmy his "Amigops" name tag] and I accidentally added a P to "amigos", so--
Sheen
Pardon me, but my LIFE IS ENDING!! [dramatically shakes Carl]
Don't worry, Sheen. [as he and Sheen get into the hovercar] We're gonna help you pass that math test if it takes all night!
Yeah! No one splits up the Three Amigops! [tries to get in, but the hovercar flies off without him, then immediately comes back]
Okay. [then finally gets into the hovercar and it flies off with all of them in it]
Sheen
[entering the classroom] Good morrow, scholars. Sorry I'm tardy, I was doing this morning's crossword puzzle in pen.
Big deal. My dad and I do the crossword puzzle all the time.
Sheen
In the Beijing Times? [holds up and unravels his long crossword puzzle, all answered in Beijing writing]
[giving Sheen his math test] Here's your test, Sheen. Take a seat and get started. Remember, class, if you get stuck on a question, just skip it and come back to it late--
Sheen
[raises up his finished test] Done!
What? But that's impossible!
Sheen
Well, I would have even finished sooner if someone hadn't been blathering away.
Sweet muffins! These answers are right!
Sheen
Of course, they're mostly right, duh. They're somewhat obvious to anyone with half a brain--let alone this slack-jaw collection of nitwits.
[stands up] HEY! My doctor says my jaw's only slightly slack!
Yeah, Ultra Dork, since when did you become Lord of the Smarts?
Sheen
Since yesterday. Observe! [He gets out of his seat and heads off to the chalkboard with a pull-down sheet of the Periodic Table of Elements] Rb: Rubidium. Alkali metal discovered in 1861, melting point 39° Centigrade. [shows another picture of the planet Neptune] Neptune, eighth planet from the sun. Principal moons: Triton and Nereid. Named for the Roman god of water. [walks over to Carl] Carl Wheezer. Mammalian order: primate. 70% water, 20% carbon, 2% mucus. [Carl sneezes] 1% mucus. Any questions?
Yes. [now determined] How'd you like to SIT DOWN?!? [the class launches into a round of pleads for Sheen to sit down, while Jimmy shakes his head slowly in disappointment]
Sheen
Go ahead, mock all you want! The barbs of a tiny brain are as nothing to me! [cackles evilly] Miss Fowl, can I be excused?
Sheen
May I not be UN-excused?
Sheen
[points at Miss Fowl] PSYCH! [then runs out of the classroom, as he continues laughing, while Miss Fowl groans in annoyance]
[in shock] Jimmy, what's wrong with Sheen?
I-I don't know! His IQ should have stopped increasing hours ago. I'd better get to the lab. [raises hand] Miss Fowl, will you not let me not leave the classroom?
Thank you. [gets up and leaves the classroom to follow Sheen, as Miss Fowl exclaims in disappointment]
[to himself] Jimmy and Sheen need me. I can't let 'em down. [raises hand] Miss Fowl, can I never ever not be dis-excused sometimes?
[points at Carl emphatically] PLANT IT!
[sits back down nervously] Okay.
Sheen
[showing up at the Candy Bar in his throne as Cindy and Libby exit] Libby Folfax, come on down!
[to Cindy] Oh, he must be bugging. [Sheen immediately picks her up as she yells, then pulls her towards him with his psychokinesis] Get me down!
Sheen
Reign with me, Libby. Together, we shall rule Retroville in glory!
Sheen
But you'll be immortal. Portraits will depict you in the finest robes and jewelry.
Sheen
Then get ready to die! [Libby runs away screaming while being chased by Sheen's thunder attacks]
[as he and Carl show up from below] Hail, mighty overlord!
Sheen
What the…?
We have brought you a magnificent crown, crafted from the finest semiprecious metals, to celebrate your glorious reign.
Sheen
Hmm… It is rather fetching. BESTOW IT ON MY HEAD! Not you… [points at Carl] ...Carl.
[thinking] Baby llamas in the meadow. Baby llamas in the meadow. Oh, no. One of them's escaping! He's heading towards town! "Town" rhymes with "crown"! JIMMY AND I DISGUISED THE BRAIN DRAIN HELMET AS A CROWN!!! AAAHHH!!!
Sheen
I heard that!
Sheen, please, we're trying to help you! Your brain is growing at a dangerously fast pace!
Sheen
Silence! You have plotted against the overlord! Your insolence has angered me!
The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius · 473 quotes
