Sheen quotes from The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius

Glad you could make it, Sheen. How did you sneak out?

Sheen

Oh, I just told my grandma that I had to go to a deserted theme park to be eaten by a maniac. She told me to wear clean underwear.

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Sheen

I wonder what order he'll eat us in.

He's kidding, Carl. No one's going to eat us. [checks the time on his wrist watch] Three, two one, midnight! Hah! We did it! We took a hypothesis, constructed a scientific protocol, and conclusively proved it false. Take that, Nick and all your ilk!

You know what I smell, Jimmy?

Victorious truth rising above the ashes of superstition?

No. [turns around, pointing to something] Salami. [Zoom out to reveal the Phantom's salami leg; screams]

Stand your ground! It's obviously a trick.

Sheen

Could you sign this, "To Sheen. With admiration and affection," please?

[Goddard barks at the Phantom while defending the boys, only for the Phantom to growl at him again]

[as the Phantom chases them to pendulum ride] He's not real! He's a mythical construct!

Hey, better safe than swallowed, Jimmy. Oh, he'll just climb in.

Not if we're moving.

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Up against the wall! Spread 'em!

[to Jimmy] Okay, Neutron, you're outta control! I'm making a citizen's arrest!

Sheen

I want a public defender!

I... I want my music!

[cries] I want my mommy! [whimpers and then smiles] And some fudge!

[to Goddard] Red alert, Goddard! This is not a drill! This floor is on lockdown!

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Sheen

[rolls dice] 7! [chuckles] Your llama is sucked into a volcanic sinkhole, where flesh-eating bats will nip at his screaming face. [eats popcorn]

Sheen, there aren't any volcanic sinkholes in Llama's Day Out!

Sheen

Maybe that explains why I'm not having fun. [eats popcorn]

[Enters] Hi, Carl. I ran out of chemicals mid-experiment and I know you got a chemistry set for your birthday?

Sheen

[rolls dice] 11!

Hey, you can use my chemistry set, Jim. [He gets his Mama's Boy chemestry set down from a shelf.] Oh, the potato's not included.

Uh, that's okay. I assume it comes with a few cc's of ethyl mercaptin?

Uh... no.

Well, I can work around that. How about some, uh... dimercural sulfonative?

Uh... yeah...? No.

Tritium nitrate?

I've got salt.

Oh, Pukin' Pluto! How's a guy supposed to make a four-dimensional Hypercube molecule without access to the complete spectrum of inorganic chemicals?!

Sheen

Welcome to my nightmare. [eats popcorn]

[Jimmy rolls his eyes.]

[Walks over carrying a leaflet] Here you go, Jimmy. Check out this leaflet from inside the box.

[reading leaflet] "Also try our Ultra-Deluxe model. Contains every element from aluminum to zirconium." Now, that's what I'm talkin' about! [suddenly blue, sighs] Aw, who am I kidding? I don't have any money, and my birthday's three months away.

Sheen

[eats popcorn] Ah, quit procrastinating, Carl, for I'm not - forget it! I'm rolling for you right now! [rolls one die and piece of popcorn] 1! [chuckles] And Carl's llama falls down. Down into the sulfurous mud pit! How the snake god will be pleased!

Hey, how could you roll the one if there are two dice?

Sheen

Huh? Oh. Yeah... [Picks up the die and popcorn; suddenly grabs throat and chokes.] Someone get me the jaws of life!

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What's that supposed to be?

Sheen

The rare Punching Plant of Melbore 9, as seen in UltraLord episode 64, "Attack of the Salad Fixin's"!

Looks like a boxing glove glued to a fern, if you ask me.

Sheen

Well, nobody asked you! Anyway, what have you come up with that's so wonderful?

I researched plants' responses to musical stimuli. This one got two hours of classic R&B a day while this one got two hours of Yodelling to the Oldies.

Sheen [pointing to the one that got two hours of Yodelling to the Oldies]: That one looks dead.

[shakes her head sadly] It never had a chance.

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Miss Fowl

Is that you, Ernest Abercrombie?! Where is your homework?! It was 28 years overdue!

Sheen

Listen to her roar of terror!

No, that was my belly. I never ate breakfast or lunch, remember?

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If you think you're gonna be the hero here, Neutron, you are sadly mistaken. [holds out some seed pods from Jimmy's plant in her hand] These seed pods from your plant, prove that you are responsible for this whole thing.

Ooh, finally, dinnertime! [swipes the seed pods out of her hand]

NO!

[eats them] Mmm, oh, these are, mmm… [grows into super massive size with green skin]

Sheen

Whoa… Carl's huge!

Hey… Hey, this is kind of cool! [laughs] I can see my house from here.

I can fix him! I just need to get another toaster!

Uh-huh.

And you guys need to… uh, get that DNA Ray out of Miss Fowl's stomach. Good luck, see ya, bye! [runs off]

We gotta what?!

Sheen

You heard him. We have to make our teacher toss the lunch monkey. We need a bucket, an umbrella and whatever they were serving for lunch in the caferteria on Thursday! Goddard, hit it!

[Goddard plays town-saving music]

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Sheen

Hey, Jimmy, I've been meaning to ask you something.

I know, I know. Why am I carrying two lunches? Because of that bully Terry Finster! This way, after he steals mine, I still have something to eat!

Sheen

Actually, I was going to ask you who would win in a fight between Big Foot and a Komodo Dragon, but your question's good too.

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[Vortex residence; Cindy goes under acupuncture, wearing her bathing suit and covered in needles]

Mrs. Vortex

Relax, Cindy, only 678 more needles to go.

[Wheezer residence; Mr. Wheezer has put Carl in a plastic bubble]

WMr. Wheezer

[laughing] This is the same plastic bubble my father put me in for 14 happy years! Hey, there, Bubble Boy!

[Folfax residence; Mrs. Folfax is holding a jar up against Libby's forehead with a wasp inside]

FMrs. Folfax

Relax, Libby, baby, it's only a little wasp. Your great-great-great grandmother used wasps to cure everything!

[moves, releasing the wasp] Then why don’t you dig her up and let us sting her? ...I'm sorry, Mama.

[Estevez residence: Sheen is sitting on a chair upside down as his dad grinds pepper up his nose]

Sheen

Alright! The old "pepper up the nose" cure! I love it! Bring it on!

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[Jimmy gets calls from his friends as his sick patches dissolved into their skins]

[in her bathing suit in her room] Your sick patch dissolved into my skin, Nerdtron!

Sheen

Hey, Jimmy, my patch pulled a Houdini! Doesn't it rock?!

Cure me or face the consequences!

I DON'T WANT TO BE A BUBBLE BOY!

Okay, okay, settle down! I can fix it! Carl, Sheen, sneak out and meet me in the you-know-what.

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We've reached our destination… [sniffs] the stomach.

Sheen

[seeing toys in the stomach acid] Man. [sniffs] Carl eats a lot of junk, doesn't he? Hey, Carl! You're supposed to play with the toys in the Silly Meals, not eat 'em!

I know, but they always look so colorful and chewy!

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[As Jimmy cures everyone with vaccines, they all return to school]

[back in school] I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm finally glad to be going back to normal enough for school.

[also back in school with her wasp sting in the middle of her forehead] Yeah! I'm never getting sick again! Plus, one little sting from that wasp really hurt!

[also back in school as well, but with needle marks all over her body and still in her bathing suit] One little sting? Try 678 needles, Folfax, and then talk to me about pain! [angrily gets in Libby's face]

Wait a minute, Vortex. Why are you still in your bathing suit?

[stops getting angry] Oh. No reason.

NDNick Dean

[rocking back and forth, muttering helplessly] No more leeches, Mama, no more leeches, Mama, no more leeches, Mama.

Miss Fowl

It's so good to have you all back! Now I'd like you to meet a new student! Please give a nice warm friendly welcome to Yentl Marmelstein!

YYentl

Hi, I-sniff-gee-yuck-choo, oh sorry, I have a cold.

EEveryone

NO!

[freaks out from her seat with Cindy shivers violently in fear and horror] Keep her away from us!

Sheen

[holds his arms and crosses his fingers looking like a x] Unclean! Unclean!

[wiggles his arms and legs and bolts upright from his seat] SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY!

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

[Everyone scrambles out of the classroom screaming, leaving only Mrs. Fowl and Yenti in the classroom]

Miss Fowl

I think they LIKE you!

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Our camp! Our equipment! Everything's gone!

Sheen

We're doomed!

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Hugh

Oh, it's no use! We're done for, and it's all my fault! The truth is, I'm a rotten camper! There, I said it. The other Acorn Lads used to dunk my head in the bug juice. I can't even make a stupid fire.

Oh, don't worry, Dad. We'll find a way out of this. I don't care if you're a mediocre camper, I still think you're a great dad.

Hugh

Thanks, son, I…I needed to hear that.

Sheen

So you couldn't even make a fire.

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Suddenly, a scientist's lot might be a boring and lonely one, Goddard. [the doorbell rings] Saved by the bell. Here they come! [leaves his room to get the door; Carl and Sheen are there]

Sheen

Hey, Jimmy, good news! I got the first season of Teenage Ultra Lord on DVD, with 162 awesome hours of bonus features and deleted scenes!

Yeah. In one exciting episode, the actors flub their lines with hilarious results.

Oh, sorry, guys, I can't. My parents are out and I can't have anybody over.

Sheen

Your parents are gone? You're home alone? They won't be back till Ultra Lord knows when? Let's get ready to boogie!