Sheen quotes from The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius

Ladies and gentlemen...and Cindy, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!

Carl

A llama?

No.

Carl

A baby llama?

[scoffs] No!

Carl

A baby llama with a little hat on?

[angerier] NO!

Cindy

An invention of yours that actually works? [She and Libby laugh.]

NO!...I mean...yes! I present to you...my latest neutronic invention... [presents three pieces of miniature books] Book Gum. Why read a book when you can just chew the book instead?

Sheen

Wow, Jimmy, chewing a book.

Sheen, you don't actually chew a book. See, I reduced the contents of different books to gum form. You chew it, and you know it. [gives some gum to Sheen, who chews it.]

Sheen

[chews a piece] Yuck! Tastes...fishy. [starts quoting from Moby-Dick] "Call me Ishmael. Starbuck, it's the great white whale! I'll get you, Moby Dick!"

Cindy

Give me a piece of that. [takes a piece and chews] Hmm...It tastes like fried chicken. [starts quoting from Gone with the Wind] "Oh, Ashley, Oh, Rhett. I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies."

Careful, Carl. It would be very dangerous to eat more than one at a time.

Carl

[selects a piece] Mmm...William Shakespeare.

That might just be a little strong for you, Carl.

Carl

[quotes Romeo's monologue from Romeo and Juliet, during which Cindy rolls her eyes in amazement] "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand that I might touch that cheek."

It's the good life, gentlemen. While the W.L. 3000 does all the work, we're here enjoying a tall cold one.

Sheen

And plan our VIP trip to Retroland.

Carl

HUZZAH!

Sheen

What?

Carl

"Huzzah" some goofy way to say "COOL!"!

[opens the door] What?!?!

Goo-ood afternoon, sir. May I say you look absolutely f-f-fabulous? Ha-ha-ha, yes, I agree it is beautiful out, heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh...

I don't want to buy nothin'.

Buy? Who said buy? I-I-I'd like to give you a piece of c-candy, absolutely free with no strings attached.

Forget it.

You can never have enough ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-andy, sir.

I can! And I DO! Good-bye! [almost closes the door]

[blocks the door] Y-Yes, y-y-y-yes, this is a "g-good buy".

[struggling to close the door] What part of "NO!" do you not understand?!

[looks at Goddard and holds him up] How about if I throw in this free-ee-ee-ee dog if you buy a box?

Hmm...what kind of dog is he?

He's your kind of dog. C-Congratulations. [gives Goddard to the man, takes his money and slams the door]

[from inside the house] Hey, what does he ea-? Wha-? Wha-? Oh! OH! Not on the carpet, yo-! Ooh...Are those lug nuts?

You gave away Goddard? But you can’t just...

How much do I hear for this strapping young lad? Large of head, brawny of brain.

Cindy

I'll give you 25 cents.

Wh-what are you... what...? 25 cents? I’m worth at least...

Sheen

50 cents.

Sheen?!

Sheen

Sorry, Jimmy, I always wanted to buy you ever since I was five years old!

And the bid is 50 cents... 50 cents... 50-50-50 cents. Four bits, four bits...

Judy

Oh, Hugh, you've got to do something.

Hugh

Don’t worry, sweet cheeks. I’ve got it covered. I'll give you one dollar!

Cindy

Two dollars!

Two dollars! Going once, going twice....

Hugh

Eh, too rich for my blood. See ya, Jimmy.

Judy

Hugh Neutron, you buy our son this instant!

Hugh

But I only have a dollar!

Judy

Oh!

Sheen

Come on! Come on! We need more money!

Cindy

Neutron is mine!

Oh, no, no. Think, think, think, think...

It would be very dangerous to eat more than one at a time.

Brain blast. Might I interest you in some free gum?

Did you say free? Once upon a time... It was the best of times it was the worst of times... Elementary, my dear Watson! Hop on Pop... You're a sorcerer-sorc-sorcerer, Harry! I'm telling you stay away from that! Huck-Finn. Danger! I followed the White-White Rabbit down the hole. Men are from M-M-Mars! Danger, Jimmy Neutron... That's Boo Radley! Danger! Literature overload! Lit-Lit-Literature overload... One for all and all for one! Danger! Jimmy Neutron! Danger! Goodnight, Moon. Danger! Danger! Danger, Danger! Danger! Danger! (Slowly) Danger...

Carl

I don’t know how to stop it!

Sheen

I don't care! All right!

What in the name of Albert Einstein is going on?!

Cindy

Heck if I know, Nerdtron, but isn’t that your stupid jet pack someone is putting in the back of their truck?

Pukin' Pluto!

Buy a box of ca-candy, missy and I'll throw in this beautiful hover car. It was only driven by a ten-year-old boy on the weekends to sciences fairs.

Carl

[upset] Oh, not again!

Sheen

[upset] Aw, man! Bummer!

Sheen

Do you have any other Ultra Lord collectibles?

Cindy

No. Pay and leave.

Sheen

Any Ultra Lord videos?

Cindy

No.

Sheen

DVDs?

Cindy

No.

Sheen

CD-ROMs?

Cindy

No!

Sheen

Video games?

Cindy

No!

Sheen

TV episodes of any sort?

Cindy

No!

Sheen

What about the discolored pajamas you get at the swap meet?

Cindy

NO! Do I even look like the kind of pathetic self-deluded dweeb case who'd have anything about Ultra Lord?!

Sheen

No. You look more like a regular kind of pathetic self-diluted dweeb case.

[amazed after watching the commercial of the Encyclopedia of Infinite Knowledge] Wow! Did you guys see that?! There's never been an encyclopedia like that ever! I gotta have it.

Sheen

That's so crazy, because I so don't want it.

Sorry, guys. I gotta go talk to my mom, right now.

Judy

[about Sheen & Carl] And what are they doing here? The big one is odd and the thin one is a weirdo.

Carl

Hey, you can't insult us like that!

Hugh

[tosses Carl and Sheen a gold brick] Here you go, get yourself something nice.

Sheen

Sure they can! [turns to Carl] Let's go, odd guy!

Carl

[snorts] You got it, weirdo!

Cindy

[about Jimmy] Throw him in the brig!

It'll take a lot more than ravenous hunger to turn my men against me! [puts fists on hips and stands proudly] Tell her, boys!

Sheen

I'll get some rope!

Carl

I'll hold him down!

Carl

[waking up] Oh, wow, I had the craziest dream.

[panting] I know, I was there. You almost got me killed by a legume! [sees the Lima Bean Monster creeping up behind Sheen] Sheen, don't move. We have an evil giant man-eating Lima bean monster right behind you.

Sheen

Ha! You guys. I haven't believed in that since I was, like, 7.

Sheen

Hey, Jimmy, we need a name! How about: "The Mighty Disciples of Ultra Lord"?

Oh, ho! What about, what about this: "The Science Kings"?

Carl

Oh, I got a name. And it's great.

Sheen

Does it have the word "llama" in it?

Carl

NO! Yes.

Okay, well um...maybe we can mix 'em together? I know: "The Llama Lords of Science"!

Uh, I'm thinking about uh...changing our name. What about: "The Jimmy Neutron Experience"?

Carl

Yeah, I kinda like "The Carl Wheezer Project".

Sheen

I have to vote for "Sheen and the Sheenettes". You guys can be the Sheenettes! Um, or we can get some Sheenettes, and you guys can stand behind the curtain and carry my stuff around and stuff.

You can’t just have anything you want!

Carl

I want a drum solo!

Sheen

I want a behind the scenes documentary tracing my amazing ride to fame! While revealing several humiliating skeletons in my closet!

Augh I can’t believe I even let you two in my band!

Carl

Your band?!

Yes, my band! If it wasn’t for my instruments, you'd be blowing nose bubbles and spitting water!

Sheen

Oh, yeah?!

Yeah!

Sheen

Well, here's what I think about your stupid instruments! [he and Carl throw the instruments out the window]

Hey! You just destroyed my instruments!

Sheen

Who needs your stupid instruments when you've got my musical genius?

Carl

Oh, you're both a couple of ruddy twits!

That's it!

Hugh

[repeated line] You kids, good luck tonight! And remember, have fun with it!

Wait a minute. Sheen, Carl! What are we doing?

Sheen

Well, I was about to strangle Carl.

Carl

Yeah, and I was about to slap Sheen on the back of the head.

Look at us, we’re best friends. And ever since we started this band, we’ve been arguing and fighting. We’re so obsessed with becoming rock stars that we’ve forgotten the real reason we did this. To beat Cindy and Libby!

Yeah!!!

Miss Fowl

Llama Lords of Science wrrraaa-aa you’re on!

Sheen

We can’t go on without our instruments! They’ll laugh at us!

Carl

They’ll write unkind things about us in our yearbooks.

Can't just keep running around and around forever. Wait a minute, "running around!" That's it! If I could spin around fast enough, my mass will become less dense, and in theory, I could slip right out of my shoes! Or...I could end up a gelatinous mess splattered all over the ground. [gulps worriedly] I really hope it's the first one. [approaches the school playground and spots the roundabout] Ah, perfect! [spins the roundabout and grips his feet tightly around the center; screaming] Let's see if it's working. I'm lifting out of my shoes. IT IS WORKING! [flings himself into the air while screaming, and his shoes land on the ground, shaking]

Cindy

[sulking in disappointment] I have never been so embarrassed in all my life, and in front of Nick.

Libby

Oh, cheer up, girl. With your grades, you can transfer to any school in town.

Cindy

[threateningly] I just know Neutron's behind this. When I see him...

Sheen

We just saw a ghost!

Carl

Yeah! And it has Jimmy!

Cindy

Good, it can keep him.

Sheen

Boy, you really have some anger issues, don't you?

[coughs] Hi, guys. I'm back. And by the way, that wasn't a ghost. It was me! But once again, I've solved everything.

[disgusted] Ew...!

Cindy

I thought Nerdtron was hard to look at before, but this is disgusting!

Sheen

Yeah, Jimmy, you're totally gross...yet somehow cool. But completely nasty! Yet strangely awesome.

What are you guys talking about? [looks down at himself, seeing his molecules haven't re-assimilated yet] Oh, my molecules haven't re-assimilated.

Carl

Hey, look. [pokes him; chuckling] He's fun to poke.

Stop it, Carl!

[To Sheen who wants to put their Bodies/personalities back together} "You can't even put mashed potatoes together!"

Carl

Look! There's Jimmy's entire memory of the 3rd grade.

Sheen

And we drag that to the Jimmy side. "Supreme dislike of show-offy boys."

Libby

That's Cindy. Oh, yeah.

Carl

[tiredly] "Ability to whistle." Can Cindy whistle?

Libby

I don't know.

Sheen

We gave Jimmy rapturous enjoyment of mustard. Let's give Cindy whistling.

Carl

Let's see... "Extreme dislike of girls who dislike boys who dislike girls who dislike show-offy boys who dislike pedantic show-offy girls who dislike..."

Sheen

SO CONFUSING! TOO MANY WORDS! Just throw that one away already! [the memory with the words "Extreme dislike of girls who dislike boys who dislike girls who dislike show-offy boys who dislike pedantic show-offy girls who dislike..." is deleted; memory allocation is complete] And download. [pulls the lever]

Libby

Jimmy? Cindy? Are you finally back in your own bods again?

No! 'Cause it's all Neutron's fault!

My fault? What are you talking about?

If it weren't for Folfax, Wheezer, and Estevez, none of this would have happened, and our pants and ankles are stil different!

Well, it's also all your fault we're still each other in this jam!

Carl

Sheen, the Phantom of Retroland is gonna tear us limb from limb and eat us! Say something!

Sheen

You ever notice how Jimmy's hair is like one of those gum massager things? It's all swirly and… What?!