“2012” quotes from Survivor Series

[on Brodus Clay's entrance] A funky start to the Survivor Series.

"Funky"'s a kind word. This is what happens when you cross a plesiosaur with Adele. This is the offspring.

What are you talking about?

A plesiosaur, from the Cretaceous period.

No, I mean Adele's a singer, not a dancer.

Okay, Kirstie Alley.

Cesaro was considered too aggressive when he played rugby; he was actually kicked out of his league...

That's what I just said.

...before he came over here...

I'm over here with a freaking parrot!

...to WWE.

Good grief, I just said that! He was thrown out of the Top 14. Like Buck Shelford, All Blacks; Springboks-All Blacks! It's an island just south of Australia, parrot!

Now you know how it feels.

Come on, JBL, you can't blame him for not listening.

[on Del Rio] And you like that guy, JBL?

Love that guy! You have your ring announcer, you got a $100,000 collector's Rolls Royce! This man is terrific!

You know, you had your own Cabinet. How did that work out?

Not so well. We were the antithesis to the Four Horsemen.

Daniel Bryan a former World Champion.

And a vegan. Something else no one cares about. Tyson was a vegan until he ate Holyfield's ear.

[laughing] You've talked about every sport imaginable tonight, even rugby.

Your Google was busy today.

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight marks day #364 that CM Punk has been Champion. He is currently tied with Hulk Hogan for the eighth-longest reign in WWE history.

How could you possibly understate a record like that?! 364 days?! When CM Punk became the Champion, Mitt Romney wasn't even the Republican nomination, Snooki hadn't even had a baby, Hostess was still in business. One day away from being a year, CM Punk!

But wouldn't it be ironic if he doesn't quite make the year?

It would be a year if he can make it to Monday Night Raw. CM Punk's current reign is the longest in six years. The man who stands in the ring next to him now, John Cena, held it for 380 days between 2006-2007. Now isn't that ironic? Now, John, I gotta ask you. A lot of people have been talking all week long about Punk being paranoid heading into tonight, that perhaps tonight is the night that things all are gonna crash down around CM Punk. Have you heard those rumors? Do you believe in them?

The pressure of carrying the Championship that long, one day away from being one year, of course he's nervous. He's not facing one beast, he's facing two in Cena and this crazy manimal Ryback.

And he's also facing the law of averages.