Danny Tripp quotes from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Danny

You know, Chevy Chase woke up one day and just wasn't funny anymore.

Danny

I've been married twice before, and I'm a recovering cocaine addict, and I know that's no woman's dream of a man -- or of a father. Nonetheless, I believe I'm falling in love with you. If you wanna run I understand. But you better get a good head start, 'cause I'm coming for you, Jordan.

Danny

You should go ahead and chew that sandwich now.

Danny

I've been locked up on a roof with a deadly viper in my studio, and it's been the best night of my life, because I was with you. I wasn't going to lose interest in four months.

Matt

Are you people using the confidential information that Danny failed a drug test to force him into taking over Studio 60 to deflect attention from what happened on the air tonight?

Jack

He failed a drug test?

Jordan

Yeah, actually Matt, I was the only one who knew about that. Should have trusted me a little, Danny.

Matt

[to Danny] Sorry about that, that one was all me.

Danny

Yeah.

Matt

[turning to everyone] Ironically, I'm the one who's high as a paper kite right now. But legitimately. I had back surgery on Tuesday. L-5/S-1, if that means anything to you. Stop talking now? You bet.

Danny

I have no reason to trust you and every reason not to.

Jordan

Why?

Danny

You work in television.

Danny

They want to see you take fewer whacks at Bush, and it looks like they're getting their wish. So throw it out.

Matt

It's four years ago, all over again.

Danny

What did you think it was going to be?

Matt

Four years later. And by the way, I'd be happy to take shots at the Democrats, too, if only one of them would say or do something!

Danny

Are they fixing it?

Cal

In a manner of speaking, yeah.

Danny

What does that mean?

Cal

They don't know how to fix it.

Matt

Are people looking at us right now?

Danny

I think they are.

Matt

Well, could you punch me in the face or something, 'cause to a casual observer this appears a little homoerotic for my comfort.

Danny

I definitely hear you on that.

Danny

Things happen around here. People blowing smoke out of their office windows at night?!

Jordan

Tell me no one is getting high in this building, Danny.

Danny

You're shocked that drugs are a part of late night comedy? The Coneheads, Toonces the Driving Cat? You think Belushi and Farley died of Lou Gehrig's disease?

Jordan

Tell me it's not happening here.

Danny

It's not happening here.

Why did you cut my sketch?

Matt

It wasn't funny.

I thought it was funny.

Matt

I thought the writing was funny, but that you weren't very good.

Really? 'Cause I thought the writing was one unbearably long set up for a jingle.

Matt

And that's why I cut the sketch. You were in a number of wonderful sketches tonight, including a hilarious send-up of your character on Calico Gals.

Gilmore Girls.

Danny

I wrote it down for you!

Jack

You see it as part of your job to screw with my company, don't you?

Danny

No! I do not. That's just one of the perks.

Matt

It's one thing to be asked to respect someone else's religion, it's another to be asked to respect their taboos. In my religion it's disrespectful to God not to keep your head covered. You don't see me insisting that the cast of CSI:Miami wear yarmulkas.

Danny

That'd be an unusual creative direction for CSI:Miami.

Jack

[about Jordan] She delights in tweaking the religious community every bit as much as Matt does...

Danny

That is not true. No one delights in tweaking the religious community nearly as much as Matt does.

Jordan

[answering her cell phone] Hello?

Danny

Danny.

Jordan

Danny who?

Danny

Danny Tripp!

Jordan

I know. I was just being dry. Why don't people ever get that?

Danny

Well, for one thing--

Jordan

And then I was being rhetorical!

Danny

I'll tell ya, considering me and half the cast spend most of the day in Pahrump, Nevada, I thought it was a pretty good show.

Matt

Yeah?

Danny

I did.

Matt

Indiana? Illinois? Missouri? Are rebel forces gathering?

Danny

No.

Matt

Then why are we praying for peace in the Midwest?

Danny

Girl's nice to look at.

Jordan

I saw the end... and I think we should all take a moment to consider the suffering in Des Moines.