Listen up, everybody! I got your staff evaluations from yesterday and I have one thing to say! Are you all zombies? Did I accidentally hire the walking dead? [reading e-vals] Four, six, three, seven. Reef, nine out of ten. Very nice. Fin, six.
Yeeaah, I beat you again!
No way! There was a rock band on my floor; they had a pig roast in the room!
Nine out of ten! Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! I'm the king of the staff evaluations!
I got to say it's encouraging how seriously you're taking guest feedback.
Oh, we're not! I just want to kick her butt! Told you guys rule!
All right, that's enough! You're already late! Out, out, out!
So, you're still mad at me?
Yeah, until you take back what you said about female surfers!
Hey, just because you can't catch the same waves as I can doesn't mean you're any less of a surfer—oh, wait; it does! (Laughs)
That's it! Okay, I challenge you to a surf off right now!
I think I hear a toilet calling your name! Fin, come clean me, Fin!
Scared of getting your butt kicked by a girl?
Hey, I'm laid-back at lunch time and aggressive at crunch time. Bring it!
You know we'll get a strike!
Hey, it's the Kahuna, up for a quick session, before my first lesson.
Right on! [spots Reef's necklace] Hey, where did you get that?
The waterfall! Pretty cool, huh?
No, dude, hugely not cool! You never take anything from the waterfall, the waterfall goddess will curse you for the rest of you life.
No, for real, man! The last cat that took something from the Office lost both legs to a shark, now he has to surf on his belly, which is still cool.
Sounds like a load of baloney.
FIN! I need your help! [Fin turns off the vacuum] We have to get the totem back from George and return it to the waterfall so the Haiku Goddess chick doesn't keep cursing me!
Okay, even you couldn't make that up, come on!
[Reef, Broseph and Fin are in the Penthouse]
So this is where the princess lives!
Now remember, don't touch anything... [to Reef] especially you, bad luck boy!
[Broseph touches a button on the remote and brings down a flat screen TV]
It's a 92 inch flat panel HD Plasma Screen [goes to hug the TV] I didn't know they existed! [he hugs the TV and it falls]
Um, one question, what are we going to do about Bummer? He never leaves! This hotel is like, his life!
Dude needs a vacation—or a girlfriend.
Or maybe just a date. Lo, how's your sweet talkin' skills?
I don't know— [walks over to Reef and starts flirting with him to demonstrate] but your hair is lookin' so good today, handsome!
I think I have a mission for you.
No can do: Whalebus is parked for the next three hours, bro—double feature night—Sand in My Shorts and Sand in My Bikini. You could check them out.
I'd rather eat my own eyeballs.
Your loss, dude—they're classics.
KKelly
[to Bummer] Now what?
Might as well grab a bite.
KKelly
Okay, but this is sooo not a date. Reef said my date was hot!
Unacceptable people, unacceptable! Look at these staff evaluation forms! Fin, 7.5 out of 10!
Come on that's like a B+!
Yeah, I don't know what special school you went to, but a 7.5 means you do better. Reef, 4! Says here, "Needs to spend less time teaching girls mouth to mouth."
Okay, but the girl I was teaching was an 8 out of 10. So by my count, that puts me at an— [counts on his fingers] 9, 10, 11—12 out of 10! Math dude! [high fives Wipeout]
Okay, listen up! From now on, anyone who gets less than an 8 on a staff eval get an automatic strike, and you what three strikes mean!
LFLo, Fin, and Reef
We—are—outta—here.
[Emma enters]
[sarcastic] Oh, I'm sorry. Did I schedule the staff meeting during rubber ducky time?
I'm so sorry sir; there was a line up at the staff showers and I was—
STRIKE one, and let that be a lesson to the rest of you slackers.
No! My perfect employee record!
Oh, that's too bad! By the way, you're out of conditioner.
[sarcastic] Thanks for the heads up! [takes off her towel revealing her hair]
[sniffs the air] Ugh! [Johnny gags] Ugh! Dude, what is that reek?
[sniffing the air] From the potency of the stank, I say either a toilet backed up or it's—
RJReef and Johnny
Broseph! [Reef throws a shoe at Broseph's head]
Bikini babe of my dreams, why you head butting me, girl?
Broseph, take a bath, man!
[yawns] I take a bath everyday in the ocean, when I surf!
You need to take a real bath, dude! You smell like a walrus butt!
No time, bro: the honeys always hog the shower!
Dude! [points to a puddle] Water!
[Reef and Broseph drink from the puddle]
[gasps] No guys, don't drink that—you'll get beaver tail fever!
[after drinking from the puddle]
And she's holding all our food!
[gasps] Oh no, beaver tail fever!
[in a demonic-sounding voice] Give us the tails!
Never! [runs off, screams]
[running on all fours after Emma] Beaver Tails!
Beaver Tails! [pops out from a shurb] Beaver Tails!
[still on all fours] Tails! [back at the forest with a demonic-sounding voice] Give us the tails!
[stops at a bear]
Gotcha, hand over the beaver tails!
Morning, family! Hey Daddy, I—
[grabs Lo's arm] Wait! On a grumpy scale of one to ten, your dad's like a fifty this morning!
Oh, I'm just gonna suck up to him for a minute!
RMr. Ridgemount
[angry] KELLY! I need to talk to you NOW! [Lo hides behind Emma]
I think she's hiding under a counter in the supply closet. [Mr. Ridgemount goes to look for Kelly]
[laughs and grabs a muffin] Nice one! What's hashing on Daddy's mellow today?
RMrs. Ridgemount
[hands Lo the paper] The list of the top ten surf resorts just came out.
[reading the paper] Surfer's Paradise came in second! [gasps] Captain Ron's came in first!
RMrs. Ridgemount
Ever since he beat your father in that boat race!
Regatta, Mom! They've been competing since I was little at everything—tennis, swimming, the stock market, how many kids they have!
RMrs. Ridgemount
That's why we had George!
Every year for the last eight years, we've been number one on that list.
RMrs. Ridgemount
Too bad this isn't a way to stick it to Captain Ron!
I might have a way! The Staff Tandem Surf Contest is usually right after the top ten, isn't it?
RMrs. Ridgemount
Oh, don't remind him of that, honey!
Don't worry, Mom! We're going to win it this year and I'm gonna make sure of it. Eww! This has, like, no blueberries!
Fin, I said I was sorry! I didn't mean to drop you like that; I swear that I had you! [Fin tries to choke Reef] As soon as you have the use of both arms again, I promise to take you out for an awesome date in town. That was not good!
I've never seen a shoulder at that angle before! She can scratch her own back so that's a bonus!
I'm so not getting anywhere with her!
Ya think? Dislocating a girl's shoulder is definitely not the way to impress her! Now what are we going to do?
TTuna
[laughs snidely] It takes two to tandem, bra! You can send that trophy over anytime, later!
We're not disqualifying ourselves! We'll have a replacement by Saturday and they'll be awesome! [to Reef] Okay, we have to find another girl! I'd do it but I'm ineligible, plus I need both my arms to dry my hair.
Emma can barely surf on her own and Kelly doesn't surf at all!
For the love of wax, isn't there one single female at this hotel who can surf?
RRosie
I'll do it! I used to be quite the board rider in my day.
Well, it was a good dream!
I can't believe I dropped her!
The topic for today's morning psych up—love the guest more than you love yourself. Broseph?
If a guest asked you to use your hand to blow their nose, what do you do?
Wrong! You say, "Here you go, sir. Do you prefer my left or my right?" Emma! If a guest asked asked you to bob for apples in the lobby toilet, what do you say?
Wrong! You say, "Madam, would you like me to Macintosh or Golden Delicious?" [laughs; sees Wipeout trying to get a bee] Oh, I'm sorry. Am I disturbing you? [Wipeout shakes his head] Remember, you are here for one reason and one reason only.
To ride the most Quantum Epic off the Richter waves?
Wrong! To serve the guest and make their stay the best ever anywhere!
Six in one, half dozen of the other.
Ah! This is it! The ultimate kick back spot! Sweet waves! Soft sand! Epic view! And best of all rocks shaped like easy chairs! And we shall call it...[sighs] Chillaxland!
LLance
[laughs] Chillaxland!
Only problem with a perfect beach spot! You never know what kind of garbage is gonna wash up!
This place rocks! Let's call it Reefdom! No, Reeftopia!
It's already got a name! Chillaxland! Population, us! Not you!
Sorry Reef, it's kind of the exclusive property of our surf crew!
Cool, I'm totally into excluding people! Where do I sign up?
Because we said so, grom! Now get!
That's how you want it! I challenge you bums to a surf down! My crew versus your crew! [Lance, Ty and Ripper laugh]
You had us worried, mate! But then we remember you don't have a crew!
Yet! But as soon as I get one its on!
Okay! The winners get Chillaxland!
And the losers get to eat fish guts! So bring your appetite!
No, you bring yours! Cause you're goin' down, suckers! [walks into his board]
[Ty, Lance and Ripper laugh]
[sighs] I kind of had a boyfriend in Calgary but it didn't work out! He said I was nice! Like a sister nice!
Oh thanks, Johnny! You're so nice like a brother, you know?
My last boyfriend was all touchy feely! An octopus with fingers!
Too bad for you! My guy's awesome!
Sure, Stone Seabreeze! [they all gasp]
The famous singer-surfer!
Seriously! You and Stone Seabreeze!
Seriously! When have I ever lied to you guys? He's a total sweetie! I meet him last year when he stayed at the resort!
Why had you never told us?
We want to keep on the down low! Stay out of the tabloids!
What's he like? Is he romantic like his songs?
Is he a good kisser? [everyone looks at Broseph] What?
Yes, yes and yes! Come on guys! I don't want to brag about Stonie! It kind of cheapens our thing, you know?
Aww, you call him Stonie.
