Stargate SG-1 quotes

So... What the hell is going on?

Vala

This and that. You know, the usual. [excitedly] You'll never believe what's happening on One Life to Live!

You know, I really hate to press the issue here, but I do have a deadline.

Vala

Oooh, so do we.

Oh yes I know, before I figure out how to overcome the effects of the anti-Prior device, oooooh. I thought Teal'c believed me!

Vala

Oh, he does.

Jack?

Vala

No, he's on your side too. That... little weasel man, who somehow represents your government...

...Woolsey?

Vala

I-I can't be certain, but... I think he might not like you...

He wants to have me killed, doesn't he?

Vala

Well... I'm not sure how serious he is, he seems quite the prankster to me.

Vala

... Not to worry. If it comes down to it, [leaving]I have a plan.

Oh, you have a plan... Great. What is it?

Vala

Well... when I said that I had a plan, I meant that I have to plan... the plan. So when, o-or rather, if it comes down to it, I will have a plan. I've, uh, cleared my whole afternoon... for planning.

Woolsey

Dr. Jackson was the one who suggested that we should kill Khalek.

General O'Neill

He was the demon-spawn of Anubis.

Lt. Col. Carter

How's it going sir?

Longing for the days when I actually carried a weapon. What do you got?

Lt. Col. Carter

A crazy idea.

I'm down with crazy. I like crazy. Crazy and I are like... that.

Lt. Col. Carter

Cam likes crazy too.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Listen, if what Jackson is saying is true, there is an Ori ship out there with a near-complete weapon on it that could prove useful against the Ori. I think we should go after it.

You're right. That's crazy!

No gun. Hm. Did you bring lethal injection, high voltage, or you're just gonna have them beam me out into space?

I thought we fixed it so that wouldn't happen again. [he is beamed out]

... Daniel?

Jack.

What's up?

Oh, I'm taking the ship.

[looking around] Oh I see that.

Yeah I, I beamed the crew safely to the surface.

Nice for them.

But as you probably figured out by now, I'm going to need you.

You know, I was just thinking how much I missed being needed.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

All right fellas, here's the deal! We are commandeering this ship! We'd like for you to throw down your weapons and surrender, please! [Mitchell barely dodges a staff blast] That's a no.

[sighing] Yep, just like old times. Except I'm here against my will, and you look like Marcel Marceau.

Yeah, you know, some things change, but others stay the same.

Very good. Why'd you bother giving me the intel if you were going to bust out anyway?

Well, obviously I'm improvising at this point. I had no idea when or even if I was going to be able to overcome the effects of the anti-Prior device. Time was running out. Adria's gonna notice my absence and become suspicious. So sending the rest of SG-1 to get the device was my only choice at the time.

Then why do this now?

Because I'm afraid the rest of the team won't be able to complete the mission without me.

That, and I wasn't about to let Woolsey freeze me.

That I understand.

Yeah.

Vala

[assembling the weapon] Okay, I think that's about it.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Hang on. What's this?

Vala

[dismissively] Oh, I'm not sure about that one.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

See! There is always a widget left over.

Vala

I thought you were always one short?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well you'd think both was impossible, but it's not.

Vala

Right... Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the timing crystal that sets the detonation of the weapon five minutes after it's inserted.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Right. Hold on that. [into radio] Carter, status?

Lt. Col. Carter

[into radio] Vala, Cam, we're moments from exiting hyperspace.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Roger that. We're almost done here...Check that, uh, Vala's almost done. I still have my doubts.

Dr. Jackson

No, it’s me. Merlin’s gone. He sacrificed himself for this to work.

Yeah? Prove it.

What the hell was that?

Dr. Jackson

If I was Merlin, you would know.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

[into intercom] Carter, Sunshine [Daniel] is awake.

Lt. Col. Carter

That's good, is he okay?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well, he's grumpy.

Lt. Col. Carter

Can you ask him how he managed to cloak this ship?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

He says magicians don't reveal their secrets.

Mitchell

Intel looks good, we've got ourselves a space train full of evil Orville Reddenbacher.

Vala

Well, I mean at first it was just sex, sex, sex, in all rooms of the house at all times of the day! But uh, well, once we got a chance to get to know each other, we formed a deeper connection. A spiritual bond, you might say.

Now, I can’t remember, did you go to GW?

Vala

Oh, I didn’t attend school. As much as I was sold as a domestic servant to a weapons smuggler named Firenze. After I killed him and won my freedom, I considered my education more or less complete.

Dr. Jackson

And you might have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for us meddling kids.