Daniel Jackson quotes from Stargate SG-1

Dr. Jackson

That's interesting. I wonder if everyone's coming from some religious event.

Col. O'Neill

Why does it always have to be a religious thing with you? Maybe they're coming from a swap meet.

Col. O'Neill

Has it ever occurred to anyone that he might not be guilty?

If was not guilty, there would be no Cor-ai.

Col. O'Neill

Innocent until proven guilty. Ever heard of it?

Dr. Jackson

Actually, throughout history the idea's pretty rare. Most cultures usually assume things the other way around. [O'Neill gives Jackson a very angry look] I'm just saying.

Dr. Jackson

You sure you're up to this?

Col. O'Neill

Why? You don't think I am?

Dr. Jackson

Well, it's—it's just that I've never actually heard you referred to as a diplomat. I think, um, "antagonist" was the word used.

Col. O'Neill

But I'm his commanding officer. It comes with the turf.

Capt. Carter

Wouldn't Daniel be better suited, as a linguist and cultural expert?

Col. O'Neill

All right, we'll all do it. How's that?

Dr. Jackson

Fine.

Capt. Carter

Co-co-counsels. Works for me.

I have just one question for you.

Dr. Jackson

[deflated] What is it?

Can any of his present or future actions bring my father back from the dead.

Dr. Jackson

No nothing will do that.

Then obviously no amount of good done in the past or the present will erase the guilt of what he has done.

Dr. Jackson

[to Teal'c] What happens when you dial your own phone number? (Teal'C raises an eyebrow) Wrong person to ask...[turns to General Hammond] What happens when you dial your own phone number?

(excitedly) You get a busy signal.

Dr. Carter

Scientists have theorized that there are an infinite number of dimensions, each containing a different possible version of reality.

Dr. Jackson

Well, it sounds like I theoretically, possibly, actually found one.

I take it they're not engaged in your reality?

Dr. Jackson

No.

Col. O'Neill

Come on Daniel, let's get you fixed up.

Dr. Jackson

No! There's no time! We're all in very big trouble! They're coming! They're coming...

Dr. Jackson

Now I know this is hard for you guys to believe, but I swear to you the whole time you thought I had disappeared on P3R-233, I was experiencing an alternate reality.

Col. O'Neill

[sarcastically] And you were there, and you were there, and there's no place like home.

Capt. Carter

Daniel, it's not that we don't believe you…

Dr. Jackson

So you do?

Col. O'Neill

No. It's just that we don't believe you.

Capt. Carter

Alright, when you were in this alternate reality, were there differences?"

Dr. Jackson

Yes. Ah, Teal'c was leading the attack on Earth, I wasn't even part of the program, you and Jack were engaged to be married.

Col. O'Neill

Excuse me?

Capt. Carter

What?

Dr. Jackson

Senator, we have reason to believe that the Goa'uld are about to launch an attack, in force, in ships.

Then I think they'll regret taking on the United States military!

Col. O'Neill

Oh, for God's sake…

Dr. Jackson

[sarcastic] Oh, you're right! We'll—-we'll just upload a computer virus into the mothership!

Col. O'Neill

That's it, colonel.

Capt. Carter

It can't be...

Col. O'Neill

Sir, with all due respect-

Dr. Jackson

So with all due respect, the good senator is an ass.

Dr. Jackson

[inspecting a silver ball] Teal'c, what is this?

Teal'c

It is a Goa'uld long-range visual communication device. Somewhat like your television, only much further advanced.

Col. O'Neill

Think it gets Showtime?

Teal'c

[having just zatted Daniel] Are you injured?

Dr. Jackson

Dumb question. But, thank you. I think.

Teal'c

You are welcome.

Dr. Jackson

Just don't ever do that again.