Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Col. O'Neill

Listen, I gotta ask you something. It's not easy for me.

We're friends.

Col. O'Neill

If you don't make it... can I have your stereo?

Dr. Jackson

Anthropologists do it all the time. They dress and live as the people they're studying.

Capt. Carter

I'm not an anthropologist.

Col. O'Neill

[gleefully] You are today!

Capt. Carter

Look uh, I will not wear this thing over my face. I don't care how much embroidery it has on it. And this…dress, or whatever it's called, I mean…I can't move, I can't walk…

Col. O'Neill

I don't know. It…it kind of works for me. I, uh…

Dr. Jackson

It's, it's you, it's…

Dr. Jackson

Definitely you.

Col. O'Neill

All things considered… Samantha… if we have to come back here, it might be a better idea if we brought an all male team. No offense.

Capt. Carter

Well, in view of the fact that you all get to go to this party tonight and I get to stay in this… yurt that smells like rancid yak butter, none taken. I'll just get a good night's sleep, and hope for better luck next time.

Col. O'Neill

You going to be all right?

Capt. Carter

Still doubting me? I haven't been afraid of the dark since I was two.

Dr. Jackson

How is it that you always manage to come up with the worst case scenario?

Col. O'Neill

I practice.

Capt. Carter

What a relief, I've never been so happy to see you guys!

Col. O'Neill

Well, sure you have. Remember that time on P3X-595 you drank that stuff that made you take off--

Capt. Carter

[interrupting] We won't get into that right now!

Col. O'Neill

So how do the Spirits decide who wins?

It is a battle... to the death.

Col. O'Neill

Hey! No one said anything about...[Multiple knives are pointed at his, Daniel's and Teal'c's throats]... knives!

Capt. Carter

Do you think this thing is going to end up being a revolutionary drug back on Earth?

Dr. Jackson

Well if it does, I'm sure someone else will end up getting credit for it. It's not like we can tell them where it really came from.

Col. O'Neill

Damn, guess I'm going to have to cancel that Oprah interview!

Teal'c

What is an Oprah?

In one hour, you will go through the Gate to the planet represented by these symbols. It has been designated P3X-797.

Dr. Jackson

Couldn't we call this planet something that's a little easier to remember?

Capt. Carter

Ah, it's based on a binary code the computer uses for extrapolation.

Col. O'Neill

[dryly] Which makes it much easier to remember.

Okay, we'll take point.

Col. O'Neill

Ah! We'll go through first. You watch our lovely backsides, remember?

Have it your way, Flyboy.

Col. O'Neill

Oh, I got in a little wrestling match with Carter.

Dr. Jackson

Why?

Col. O'Neill

I guess she's got whatever Johnson's got. Had to drag her off to the infirmary.

Dr. Jackson

What, did she start a fight with you, like Johnson did with Teal'c?

Col. O'Neill

No, she, uh, tried to seduce me.

Dr. Jackson

Oh. [pause] You poor man...

Teal'c

Col. O'Neill?

Col. O'Neill

[imitating Desi Arnaz] Lucy, I'm home!

Teal'c

I am not Lucy.

Col. O'Neill

I know that. It's a reference to an old TV—never mind, open the door.

Teal'c

I will summon the doctor.

Col. O'Neill

No, come on. I'm fine. I'm back to being myself. Just open up.

Teal'c

I cannot be certain that you are back to being yourself. You referred to me as "Lucy."

Capt. Carter

[uncomfortably] About my earlier behavior... I wasn't myself, and—

Col. O'Neill

Oh, Carter, I don't even remember your earlier behavior.

Capt. Carter

You don't?

Col. O'Neill

No, I was infected too, remember?

Capt. Carter

[relieved] Right! Good, I'm—I'm glad.

Col. O'Neill

By the way, how's the wound?

Capt. Carter

Wound?

Col. O'Neill

I understand you got stabbed in the stomach?

Capt. Carter

Oh, yeah, that—that was nothing. With any luck, there won't even be a scar.

Col. O'Neill

Well, good. I was concerned.

Capt. Carter

You were?

Col. O'Neill

Sure. [smiles] If it doesn't heal properly, you'll never wear that sweet little tank top number again.

Col O'Neill

Come on, get me out of here! Tell you what. Let me put it nicely.[gets on a chair and gets his face into the video] Get me the hell out of here!

If that isn't O'Neill, I want to know who the hell we're looking at.