Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

I'm sorry. I must have missed an episode.

Five bucks says Carter has a theory.

Don't be afraid to remind him that we've saved his cute little grey bum several times.

[smugly] My, this is an occasion. You know that bitter taste in your throat? It's kind of wrapped around your uvula? That's what's left of your pride.

Col. O'Neill

Hello? Hand signals? I'm waving you over!

I thought we fixed it so that wouldn't happen again. [he is beamed out]

What if the aliens get it?

Col. O'Neill

Well, they could be blowing their noses right now.

Col. O'Neill

Oh, here we go. Another scientist. General, please.

Capt. Carter

Theoretical astrophysicist.

Col. O'Neill

Which means?

Which means she's smarter than you are, Colonel. Especially in matters related to the Stargate.

Capt. Carter

I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside, doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle.

Col. O'Neill

Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women. I've just got a little problem with scientists.

Capt. Carter

Colonel, I logged over 100 hours in enemy airspace during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you? Or are we going to have to arm wrestle?

Col. O'Neill

I can save these people!!

Col. O'Neill

Help me! [pause, quieter] Help me.

Teal'c

Many have said that.

Teal'c

But you are the first I believe could do it!

Col. O'Neill

Hey, come on!

Teal'c

I have nowhere to go.

Col. O'Neill

For this you can stay at my place, let's go!

Col. O'Neill

What the hell is that?!

Teal'c

It is an infant Goa'uld, the larval form of the gods. I have carried one since I was a child, as all Jaffa carry one.

Col. O'Neill

Well, get it out of there.

Teal'c

In exchange for carrying the infant Goa'uld into maturity, a Jaffa receives perfect health and long life. If I were to remove it, I would eventually die.

Col. O'Neill

Hell, if I were you, I'd take my chances.

Col. O'Neill

You know, I'm kind of partial to P3575 if you don't mind taking P3A577.

No I'll take 577.

Col. O'Neill

I'm not married to it.

No, no it's_

Col. O'Neill

I want to be fair about it. How about we flip for it?

How 'bout you go where I tell you!

Dr. Jackson

So this iris is gonna hold, right?

Capt. Carter

Pure titanium less than three micrometers from the event horizon. It won't even allow matter to fully reintegrate.

Col. O'Neill

[Looks blankly at Carter for a moment] ...So this iris is gonna hold, right?

Capt. Carter

If it doesn't, the fail-safe device will detonate, this whole mountain will vaporize and there'll be nothing to worry about.

Col. O'Neill

Ah, good! I feel much better.

Teal'c

I will pledge my allegiance to this world.

Col. O'Neill

I'm just not sure that's ever going to be enough for them to trust you. To be honest with you, I think they're scared of you.

Teal'c

I understand.

Col. O'Neill

You must be used to that by now, huh?

Teal'c

I am a Jaffa. I have served as a warrior for your enemy. I have carried your enemy within me.

Col. O'Neill

Yeah. Well it's kind of a human thing. We tend to be afraid of things we don't know.

Teal'c

Why is O'Neill not afraid?

Col. O'Neill

Teal'c, I saw you stand up to a god. Refuse to kill. I saw you make that decision.

Teal'c

Yes.

Col. O'Neill

In that moment I learned everything I needed to know to trust you.