Squidward quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

Squidward

Oh, that was a neat little tune I came up with today, if I do say so myself. [As he closes his eyes, the earworm slithers across his head, slips under his eyelid, and into his head. As Squidward begins humming, the song he played earlier begins playing in his head. Cut back to the exterior of his home.] Oh, yeah. That's catchy stuff, Squiddy. Catchy stuff. Mmm-mmm-mmm. [screams in agony as the screen cuts to black and the episode ends]

Squidward

Patrick, you dimwitted moron! Get out of my kitchen!

Squidward

[annoyed] Get this into your tiny, tiny, little, tiny brain: this is not a resort. It's my house. There is no spa. And you can't get... A MASSAGE!

Squidward

Would you please get your friend out of my house?

Squidward

I guess I don't have a happiest memory. Oh, well. [walks away]

Squidward

[to SpongeBob] The day I willingly practice my musical art with you is the day I grow hair on my...

Squidward

This is our worst gig yet! Children's parties! Well, if this is the way this tour is being organized, then I would like to– OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW! [turns around and finds that a child has pinned a tail onto his behind] I am not a donkey fish!

Squidward

The martians are coming! Run for your lives! You’re next! You’re next!

Squidward

AAAH! ANOTHER ROTTEN DAY AT THE KRUSTY KRAB! Not that anyone's listening.

Squidward

I said, BE QUIET OR I'M CALLING THE-- Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! [Squidward's house falls and crumbles to bits]

Squidward

[opens door] Hey! [walks over to yell] Get off my sand! [falls into box] Whoa! [thumping and yelling] What's happening? Where am I?

Squidward

[After Squidward sees the Weenie Nut Jr. manager commercial] A manager? That's for me! [takes his hat on the old lady and they dance gleefully before he leaves] So long, Krusty Krab!

Squidward

Oh, what now? Will you clowns be quiet?! I am trying to meditate!

Squidward

The——the trash goes in the truck, not on my lawn! Just put the garbage where it's supposed to go!

Squidward

Hey, my roof! [garbage comes piling down in Squidward's house] Well, this stinks.