Dinesh Chugtai quotes from Silicon Valley

Gilfoyle

It's not her you're sexually attracted to, it's my code.

Dinesh

Shut the... That is the most disgusting fucking thing I've ever h...

Gilfoyle

Just face it, Dinesh, you're gay for my code, you're code gay.

Dinesh

No! No, I'm into her. Her, OK? Fuck your code!

Gilfoyle

You'd like to fuck my code, wouldn't you? Hey, would you like to masturbate to the subroutine I just wrote?

Gilfoyle

Where the hell have you been?

Erlich

There's been some developments. You know how I fucked Melcher's old wife? I fucked his new wife too.

Richard

What?

Erlich

Don't worry, he's not gonna find out. I left way before he got back last night, and I didn't go back this morning until twenty minutes after he'd left.

Gilfoyle

You went back?

Dinesh

How many times did you fuck this woman?

Erlich

The old wife or the new wife?

Dinesh

The new wife.

Erlich

Last night or this morning?

Richard

Erlich, what were you thinking? This is kind of a big day today.

Erlich

Relax, he's not gonna find out. She's not gonna tell him.

Dinesh

How the fuck do you know that?

Erlich

Because she'd have to be crazy to tell him, and I asked her point-blank if she was crazy, and she swore to me, no, she's not crazy.

Gilfoyle

Every day it feels like I’ve died and gone to hell.

Oh?

Dinesh

He’s a Satanist. It’s a good thing.

Dunn

Instagram pivoted! Chat roulette pivoted! We're gonna pivot! [Walks away]

Dinesh

That might be the last time we see him alive.

Dinesh

His balls? He put his balls on the table?

Richard

Right on the table.

Jared

On purpose?

Richard

I don't see how it could be by accident.

Erlich

[Entering] Richard, I just got an email from the guys at Midland-Oak. Apparently, there is a line, and I crossed it... The line between $12 and $15 million!

Gilfoyle

Wait. Did you just say you were the cool cousin?

Dinesh

Yeah.

Gilfoyle

Please explain.

Dinesh

Well, when we were kids, I was the one getting good grades, I was the one who was planning for my future. I would bring gifts for my teachers, 'cause they worked so hard. You know, cool stuff. He was always getting in trouble, he got caught smoking opium in the tool shed, he crashed my uncle's motorbike.

Gilfoyle

And you think you're the cool one?

Dinesh

Yeah, it's different in Pakistan.

Gilfoyle

I've never been, but I know it isn't.

Dinesh

Sorry, I'm not going to go work for Hooli.

Gilfoyle

Same for me, except for the part about being sorry.

Dinesh

What the fuck are we going to do?

Gilfoyle

I know what the fuck we're going to do. But you're not going to like it. We build our own servers.

Jared

Gilfoyle, servers are essentially a utility. I mean, you wouldn't dig a well for water or build a generator for power.

Gilfoyle

I think we should dig our own well and build our own generator. I also think we should store a year's worth of food and ammunition in a blast cellar. But we don't. So good luck when the shit hits the fan.

Gilfoyle

This might be morbid, but the cold hard fact is that if Blaine dies on our live stream, this could be good for us. I mean, we'd get a lot more traffic.

Dinesh

Well, and it would probably lead to calls for regulations in the stunt industry.

Gilfoyle

So, in the long term, we're saving lives.

Dinesh

Although, there is the moral problem with letting him die.

Gilfoyle

Though he did tell us to shut up. And his name is Blaine.

Dinesh

And Gina is super hot.

Gilfoyle

And this would make her single.

Dinesh

She'd probably need consoling, so... there's an opportunity.

Dinesh

Is that a still image? It's not frozen, is it?

Gilfoyle

No, it's live. It's just not moving very much because it's a fucking egg.

Jared

But think of the wonderful things going on inside that egg. The resolution in your imagination is infinite. Oh, hey, we're up to 17 views.

Dinesh

Did you see that? She gave me her hat.

Gilfoyle

Pretend you've seen a woman before.

Richard

Well, I mean, we have an unemployed and very pissed off systems guy, who very publicly threatened to skull-fuck our whole system.

Gilfoyle

He's not gonna do shit. He's a coder.

Dinesh

By definition, we're all pussies.

Dinesh

This is fucking amazing, I feel like I'm in Minority Report!

Gilfoyle

Except in reality, you're just a minority.

This is where we would install a Pied Piper engineer.

Richard

Sorry. Why, exactly, would we need to be here?

Your sales representative promised 24-hour-a-day, on-site maintenance... at least for the first year.

Gilfoyle

So, one of us would have to be down here for a year?

Dinesh

Even at night?

There's really no difference between day and night down here, so it makes things easy.

Richard

Okay, well, we should probably get going. Now.

Gilfoyle

Whoa, whoa, hold on. You're wearing a gold chain?

Dinesh

Oh, right. Yeah, I've had it for a while. Just kind of throw it on every then and now.

Gilfoyle

None of that is true. I definitely would've noticed.

Dinesh

Okay, listen. I've been working hard. I'm making money for the first time. I was like... buy myself something nice, you know?

Gilfoyle

But instead of that, you bought a chain?

Dinesh

You're just jealous I have a salary, quitter.

Gilfoyle

And you are too legit to quit, eh, MC Hamas?

Dinesh

[smug] Fuck off.

Gilfoyle

Later, Chain the Virgin.