Dinesh Chugtai quotes from Silicon Valley

Dinesh

It looks like a guy sucking a dick, with another dick tucked behind his ear for later. Like a snack dick.

Dinesh

Richard, I'm just gonna recap for a second, um, you turned down ten million dollars to be able to develop something that you, as the head of the company, can't even describe to another human being? I say this only to motivate you

Dinesh

I half-jokingly said to Gilfoyle last night it looks like Richard’s gonna suck Erlich’s dick. But that would be reasonable compared to this.

Dinesh

You’re probably right, she just wanted to fuck a Danish.

Dinesh

I was already happy you got punched in the face, but now I’m super happy!

Dinesh

You waived our no dog policy? I had Jared put that in there for a reason, Richard! In Pakistan, dogs are not pets, okay? They're vicious beasts and they chase you down the street and they bite you. My cousin Eftahar lost an ear. Our mayor was very corrupt, but he put poison pills in chicken meat to take care of the dog problem. We hailed him as a hero. We put up statues of him everywhere.

Dinesh

What the hell are you eating?

Gilfoyle

Liquid Shrimp. It's 200 dollars a quart. Wylie Dufresne made it.

Dinesh

How does it taste?

Gilfoyle

Like how I would imagine cum tastes.

Gilfoyle

Who was this woman that you shook hands with for the first time?

Dinesh

The postman lady.

Gilfoyle

What? A woman that was a man?

Dinesh

Not a post-man lady. A lady who was a post...

Gilfoyle

Let me ask you another question. Who was the second woman you shook hands with?

Richard

That was nice, guys. He heard everything.

Dinesh

That doesn't make it not true.

Gilfoyle

I mean, come on, Richard. As far as Pied Piper is concerned, he's as pointless as Mass Effect 3s multiple endings. I mean, he's a completely useless appendage and we all know it.

Jared

I checked with the Secretary of State website, and there's already a "Pied Piper" operating in California. So we need to change our name.

Dinesh

Thank God!

Gilfoyle

Praise the dark lord, that's great news.

Richard

No, it's not great news. We love the name Pied Piper. It's a classic fairy tale.

Jared

Well, I looked it up. It's about a predatory flutist who murders children in a cave.

Gilfoyle

It has all of that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it.

Dunn

Hey, Dinesh. Dinesh. I'm on the phone with the bank and they say they need an extra form for your payroll, because of your visa?

Dinesh

Visa? What visa? I'm a fucking US citizen.

Dunn

[on phone] I have Dinesh Chugtai here, and he's pretty irate because... Oh, I see. Bertram Gilfoyle is the foreign national. Citizen of Canada. Okay, thank you.

Dinesh

You're Canadian?

Gilfoyle

Your "borders" are merely a construct. I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world.

Dunn

Do you mind just sending them the form so they know you're here legally?

Gilfoyle

Yes, I mind. And also I may not be. To wit, maybe you could make out my checks to cash? Or bitcoin.

Dinesh

I didn't know I was working with an illegal.

Gilfoyle

The irony.

Dinesh

You know who else is Canadian? Justin Bieber. The Hitler of music.

Dunn

Hitler played bassoon. So technically Hitler was the Hitler of music.

Hendriks

You know, I wish this was Roman times.

Dinesh

I would have been a slave!

Gilfoyle

There’s still time.

Jared

Take Dinesh and Gilfoyle. They are wasting an enormous amount of time arguing. What if we were to separate them, right? Divide their existing work space into two areas. We could put in some kind of portable barrier...

Dinesh

He's talking about cubicles!

Gilfoyle

We are not doing cubicles. No way!

Jared

No, no, no. Don't think of it as a cubicle. Just think of it as a neutral-colored enclosure, about yay-high, around your workspace.

Gilfoyle

As shocking as this is... Tara is attracted to you.

Dinesh

Come again?

Gilfoyle

Yeah, freaked me out too, at first.

Dinesh

I don't like the "at first" part at all.