Russ quotes from Silicon Valley

Russ

Oh, we have a contract? We have a fucking contract, Richard? You wanna know what I have? [slams his Maserati's door three times] A fucking car whose doors open like this! [mimics a butterfly door motion] Not like this, [mimics a vertical door motion] not like this! [enters the car] These are not the doors of a billionaire, Richard. Fuck you! [drives around the parking lot, then comes back] Fuck you in the ass.

Richard

Once we get a few customers and start a subscription-revenue model.

Russ

What? Revenue? No, no, no, no, no. No. If you show revenue, people will ask "How much?" And it will never be enough, but if you have no revenue, you can say you're per-revenue. You're a potential pure play. It's not about how much you earn, it's about what you're worth. And who's worth the most? Companies that lose money. Pinterest, Snap chat... No revenue. Amazon has lost money every fucking quarter for the last 20 fucking years, and that Bezos motherfucker is the king.

Russ

Know what has three commas in it, Richard?

Richard

Uh, a sentence with two appositive phrases in it?

Russ

No, a billion dollars. Yeah, I'm in the three-comma club. You know, you play your cards right, you could be in the three-comma club, too. But probably not. But you could be. Probably not.

Richard

I mean, you're not exactly broke, right?

Russ

I might as well be. $986 million? I'm not a billionaire anymore, Richard. I'm a nine-hundred- and-eighty-sixionaire, which isn't even a fucking thing. I'm out of the Three Comma Club. Functionally, I'm just like you. Jesus, fuck, that's depressing.

Richard

Right. But you're still, basically, a billionaire.

Russ

Not if you round down. If you round down, I have zero billion.

Russ

It's like this: you're trying to date a woman, but deep down in your heart you know you're gay.

Richard

Uh...

Russ

But deep in your soul you know you would be rather plowing a dude!

Richard

I don't...OK, what dude?

Russ

It could be any dude as long you really want to fuck him. It could be a twink, a bear, an otter, a circuit queen, a chub, a pup, a giftster, a daddy chaser, a leather man, a lady boy, a Donald Duck.

Russ

A Donald Duck is a gay guy that's been kicked out of the navy.

Richard

How do you know so many gay things?

Russ

My grandfather just came out of the closet. Beautiful. Very inspiring.

Russ

Fuck you, Richard Hendricks!

Richard

Fuck me regarding...

Russ

It's all over the blogs. You took our idea to Gavin Belson?

Richard

Whoa. I'm sorry. Our idea?

Russ

Yeah, the new Internet. We came up with that together, standing outside of my kid's school. Former school.

Richard

Uh, no, um, you told me to name an idea, and so I named one. That was my idea, you were just standing there.

Russ

Yeah, pulling it out of you like a newborn baby.

Richard

Okay, but, well, if a doctor pulls a baby out of a pregnant woman, the doctor doesn't get to then keep the baby.

Russ

Okay, first of all, my ex-wife is fucking the doctor that delivered my son, and they're suing for full custody, so you're wrong.