Big Head Bighetti quotes from Silicon Valley

Big Head

I'm not sure I understand.

You are being promoted. Being named "co-head dreamer" carries with it a significant pay increase. Greater equity, more favorable vesting schedule.

Big Head

See, but I really liked the job I had. You know, I was perfectly happy there. It was kind of the... the perfect level of involvement for me, I think. And also that other guy, Bannerchek? He... he did not really seem to like me very much.

Oh, he does not. And he wanted you to know that he moved four school-aged children and his elderly mother across the country in order to run Hooli-xyz on his own. He was very clear about that. And he wanted me to convey that to you. Have I done that?

You used to be the most useless guy in the entire Nucleus team, but now you run an entire division. Did you ever ask yourself why?

Big Head

No. No, I never have.

Do you have any skill at all other than magically failing your way to the top?

Big Head

I have a boat. [beat]I guess that's not really a skill.

So, Mr. Bighetti, you have stated that you didn't have anything to do with Pied Piper.

Big Head

No.

I suppose you'd also say that you had nothing to do with Hooli XYZ either.

Big Head

No, not really.

And what about the Hooli AIDS and Cancer Societies of which you were president? Did you have anything to do with those?

Big Head

Honestly, not really. I actually remember when they told me I got the AIDS thing, for just a second I thought they were telling me that I had AIDS. But then I realized, no, I was just the president of the AIDS thingy. But for a second it was pretty scary there.

Erlich

Cut the shit, Big Head. I see exactly what you're doing. Poaching my tenants? You stole my business model.

Big Head

What? No. Dude, it's not like that at all. It's just this house has, like, nine bedrooms. You have any idea how scary that gets at night? So I just wanted to have some roommates around, but, um, you know, I felt weird charging them rent, cause, you know.

Erlich

No, I don't.

Big Head

Well, it's like, 20 million, you know, so I don't really need it, but then they felt weird living here without paying me anything, so they offered me pieces of their startups. That's all.

Erlich

You just admitted to starting a competing incubator. I've caught you in a web of your own lies, haven't I?

Big Head

I don't think so. Wait, have you?

Erlich

Big Head, I'm not going to yell. And I'm not going to hit you. I'm just gonna ask you nicely, why in the holy fuck didn't you tell me you signed an NDA, you sweet, helpless, little piece of shit?

Big Head

Well, that's the thing about the NDA, is that the NDA is actually covered under the NDA. So if I told you about the NDA, it would've been a violation of the NDA.

So, you moved the swimming pool?

Big Head

Yeah, it just felt like it was way too far from the house, like, crazy far. So I had this company come and just move it closer.

Uh-huh. But then you moved it back?

Big Head

Yeah, turns out the guy who built this place knew exactly what he was doing, and the pool was right where it needed to be the whole time. But now I know that for sure, which feels good.

Have either of you been on a jury?

Erlich

No, of course not. I always get out of it. The fines are very reasonable.

Big Head

You don't just throw those things away?

Gentlemen, let me tell you what I see. I see two able-bodied, entitled young white men who lucked into more money than most people see in five lifetimes, and who, if they hadn't had their millions stolen, would have promptly squandered them on more things like relocated swimming pools and lost tiki heads.

Erlich

It's not lost! I know exactly where it is. It's in the bay. And if your Coast Guard would be a little more helpful, we probably could have dragged it out of there by now.

Five years at ASU, then you dropped out? No degree?

Big Head

Mm-hmm.

Pretty solid "C's" in all of your CS classes.

Big Head

Right.

But really more incompletes than anything.

Big Head

Yeah, a lot of those classes were at 11:00 a.m.

Well, we all got to talking the other day after class. We couldn't figure out if you were, like, a TA or why you were giving us assignments, but we all agreed we didn't like the way that you were speaking to Professor Bighetti.

Big Head

I'm used to it.

So we searched your name on PitchBook, and that SeeFood app you got funded at Raviga popped up.

Erlich

PitchBook? How do you have access to PitchBook?

Your idea was so simple. It was like something you could come up with in the room during a meeting. Which is what Garrett from Coleman Blair told us at the CS undergrad mixer on Friday.

Hey, Erlich. Here I am. Class of '06. Go Cardinal.

Go Cardinal!

Anyways, we founded our own Shazam-for-food company, and he's funding us.

Mm-hmm.

Erlich

Whoa, congrats! [beat] Wait, that's stealing.

No. It's exactly what Mark Zuckerberg did to the Winklevii in that Facebook movie Professor Bighetti had us watch. And he was the hero of that film. And with all of us working together, we'll easily beat you to market.

Erlich

So, that's how it goes, huh? Hmm? You steal a man's idea, rendering his company worthless? I've read a number of disparaging articles about your generation in The Atlantic and Slate.com summaries. It's all true.