[Lying in a backyard with Abraham Paige's assistant lifting Frank's eyelids to confirm life waiking Frank who looks up to Abraham with the sun shining behind him]
Oh, hey. Bright. [Chuckles]
AbrahamMr. Gallagher, when you're ready to rise, we'd like to buy you a meal and have a chat.
...
[Frank is at a restaurant with Abraham and associate digging into his meal]
Abraham
We've looked into your records, Frank. You're an alcoholic, a derelict. Not the kind of man we usually want on our side. But you, my friend, have stumbled ass over teakettle into the most significant moment in the history of the gay rights movement. We both know that we're not second-class citizens, but there are a lot of people in this country who still need convincing. And you are the missing piece in our puzzle. You're blue-collar, working-class, Irish-Catholic. You have the ears of the people whose minds most need changing. You also have dog shit on your face and no place to live, but we can fix that if you agree to work with us.
You've got my attention, mister...
Abraham
Paige. Abraham Paige. We'll clean you up. We'll house you. We'll coach you. Do you remember "Joe the Plumber"? Heard of him?
He's a personal hero of mine.
Abraham
Well, you are gay joe.
Abraham
No. Frank, the father. Frank, the son. Frank, the neighbor. Frank, the face of the gay-rights movement.
[Frank and Abraham are at a convention of a hotel conference room]
Abraham
Hey. Okay, let's get started. You all know why you're here. You've seen his story on the news, on Twitter feeds, on your Facebook walls. His is a tale of a lifetime in the closet, of a brave midlife embrace of his true nature, and an acknowledgment that he is a lightning rod for a vital civil rights issue. Ladies and gentlemen, Frank Gallagher. Frank?
Um... We're at a-- we are at a crucial time in our nation's history. Where, as a nation, we'll either pivot toward what's right... or, um... stay stuck in what's wrong, and make no mistake, right now, it's a horrible time to be gay. And I, like all of you, have experienced it firsthand. Apparently, I've caused a ruckus because I said that gay folks deserve certain civil rights-- rights that the breeders don't want to bestow upon me. Ha, ha, ha. Upon we. Those breeders, all they wanna do is stop us from having the sex that they wish they were having. If... if-- if the kind of sex we're having is what offends them most, they should let us get married, 'cause anybody who's been married knows that the sex is downhill from there. Now, we have long-- thank you. We have long been wronged, and it's time for legislation that allows our private parts to be aroused by the people God intended to arouse them. And-- and it's time for that arousal to happen within marriage! So get out your wallets, or your-- your man purses, or whatever, and give now, 'cause I hope never to be up again this early, unless it's rolling over with a couple of you in bed. Thank you. I love you.
Abraham
Shit, you're good! How did you get so good?
My whole life, I've been trying to convince people to do what they really don't want to do. The-- the envelope, kind sir? Thank you, thank you. Now, we gotta talk about upgrading my room.
Abraham
Uh, you can tip the front desk with some of my recently departed hard-earned cash. The front desk at the Merchant Motor Inn is behind bulletproof glass.
Abraham
It's plexiglass. You have a queen bed and premium channels.
You saw what I did here. I'm your new rainmaker. I can get these rump-swappers to cough up cash night and day.
Abraham
"Rump-swappers"? There's a slur I've never heard before. Okay, we'll see how the high school speech goes, but until then, you're still on the clock, so go shake some hands, ya little rump-swapper. [Slaps Frank's butt]
[Frank and Scotty are making passionate love with Abraham walking down the hallway with two lover boys and hotel bellhop Jésus]
SScotty
Oh, give it to me, Rihanna! Yeah! Oh, yeah!
Abraham
Open the door.
SScotty
Go! Almost there. Oh, almost there! [Abraham enters the room]
Oh, my God. I-I can explain.
Abraham
Reparative therapy? Jésus, get her out of here. [Lover boys start dressing and manhandling Scotty out of room]
SScotty
But I can fix him. I can try harder.
Abraham
Get!
Abraham
Jesus, get her out! You let yourself be brainwashed by Alistair Huddleston and his "Return To Paradise Project" lunatics?
I thought she was a he. She was wearing Pendleton plaid and combat boots. Paul Bunyan's blue ox would have been fooled. All she needed was an axe.
Abraham
Jesus, lock the door.
I'm gay! Hey, Jesus, wait. I'm gay. I'm completely 100% gay.
Abraham
Good. Now you're gonna prove it. Boys. [Lover boys take their place and disrobe and Abraham sits on bench] I like to watch.
[Dreading tone] Oh, boy. I mean, [with fake enthusiasm] oh, boy!
Shameless · 903 quotes
