Professor Helene quotes from Shameless

Professor Helene

You know what? Drop the whole "noble thug" shtick. You're covering your own ass and you know it. You-- you have a choice right now. To recognize that you are a promising young college student, not some ghetto outlaw. You stop behaving like the world is out to get you when it is so clearly dropping gifts at your feet. Or you keep doing what you're doing and you end up in a cell somewhere angry and out of options.

Professor Helene

In my mother's day, they'd say someone like you was being smart.

Lip

In my day, they just say I'm being an asshole.

Professor Helene

But an asshole that knows how to make a hell of an impression.

Professor Helene

And you look like a Schiele self-portrait.

Lip

A what?

Professor Helene

It's a shame you're leaving school. You're a smart one.

Lip

Like smart-smart or asshole-smart?

Professor Helene

Both. Close the door on the way out. What are you doing? Why call Financial Aid?

Lip

I mean, why take such an interest?

Professor Helene

Well, it's my job to take an interest in my students. I'm not sure what you think you're doing, but there's a policy against fraternizing with your professors.

Lip

Oh, I don't want to fraternize. I-I wanna fuck you.

Lip

Uh, yeah, no, I just can't figure out, you know, what's-- you know, what's in it for him?

Professor Helene

Might need to get used to it, Lip. The world picking you up. There it is.

Lip

What?

Professor Helene

That angst. Just like Schiele.

Lip

Yeah, that's the second time you mentioned her. I mean, who the hell is this Sheila chick?

Professor Helene

Egon Schiele, an Austrian painter.

Lip

Hey, there's someone downstairs who's calling you sweetheart.

Helene!

Professor Helene

It's my husband.

Lip

Husband? Are you kidding?

Professor Helene

Up here!

Lip

The fuck are you doing? Shit.

Who's this?

Professor Helene

Welcome home. This is Lip. He's quite bright.

Hungry? I just got back from a conference. Starving. How would you like your omelet?

Lip

Uh, whatever.

Helene

My book is toast. I was humiliated in front of my peers by a gay Jesuit. It's great that guys study feminism. It's- you know, it shouldn't make it worse that it was a guy, but it does.

Lip

You know, you might want to wait till you're sober before you start to assess your life.

Helene

Am I a cliché?

Lip

What?

Helene

You know, Mrs. Robinson chasing young guys. [Chuckles]

Lip

Well, Mrs. Robinson was hot, so that's not a bad thing. No, you're not a cliché.

Helene

One day- someday...

Lip

Mm-hmm.

Helene

...you're gonna be with a girl your age and you're gonna tell her about... the older woman who taught you about wine and hotels and bidets. [Laughs softly] Bellhop thought we were married.

Lip

Did he?

Helene

Mm. Is that so crazy? When you and I got together, I was looking for a fling, but this is... different. It's so much more than that.

Lip

Yeah.

Helene

Yeah.

Lip

[Observing books on floor] Well, looks like an earthquake hit. Hope we didn't tip off the neighbors.

Helene

Don't be late for class.

Lip

You know, I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to remember where the room is after so many blows to my skull. You put "Atlas Shrugged" on the top shelf? Hardcover?

Helene

Aww, did Ayn Rand hurt your poor little skull?

Lip

You know, I'm pretty sure she gave me a contusion.

Helene

You should read it. She's got some interesting things to say.

Lip

Ah, no thanks. Every Libertarian was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple.

Helene

All right What about Klimt then? I got it for you. Those paintings I mentioned. Prepare to have your mind blown.

Lip

I'll, uh, I'll check it out.

Helene

What?

Lip

No... nothing.

Helene

[Leans into Lip getting ahold of his shirt] Theo's going out of town for work. Keep me company tonight?