Tami quotes from Shameless

Oh, no, no. Let him cry. He's teething. [Tami groans] The hell does he need teeth for anyway?

Tami

I don't know. [Groans]

We could drug him.

Tami

Break up a downer or something.

Frank used to rub whiskey on our gums. [Tami laughs] Then he'd dump us in the tub.

Tami

Without water, I hope.

Not always.

Tami

[Sighs] I think I'm gonna die. [Lip laughs] Can you die from lack of sleep? Oh, my God. Okay. [Gets up and pats Lip's leg] I'll get him. You start coffee.

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Hey, hey, hey, birthday Franny. Hey, look what I got you from work. They let us keep stuff if it's past its expiration date. There's so much stuff that just gets thrown away into a dumpster.

Oh, great job, man. Free old cereal.

[Carl comes in door] 5-0!

Oh, fuck, it's the cops!

Tami

Hey, I'm unarmed! Don't shoot!

Sandy

Don't shoot!

Ha, ha, ha, very funny, assholes. Now, if you'll excuse me, Imma go load these bad boys up with armor-piercing rounds so I can keep the mean streets safe for fuck-heads like you guys. Watch out, Chicago! You're going down!

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Your room is gonna be swimming in constellations, little man. Like Cassiopeia. Can you say...

Tami

Cassiopeia.

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Tami

Oh, my God! Again with the back splatter?

Backsplash.

Tami

[Scoffs] So, um... any interest in brunch?

[Sighs] Are we brunch people now?

Tami

An old teacher of mine invited us.

[Grunts] You're friends with an old teacher?

Tami

Uh, Mr. Hanisian. He just moved back from St. Louis.

I don't know. Wasting the rest of the morning eating pastries with some old dude who taught you, what, pre-algebra? History? Creative writing?

Tami

Music.

Oh. Great, maybe he can teach us how to play "Hot Cross Buns" on the recorder.

Tami

So is that a no?

Brunch is a scam. You know that, right? Marketers literally just made up a fourth meal, and we're all supposed to go along with it?

Tami

Okay. Well, he really wanted to meet you, but I'll just tell him that you're too big of an asshole to come. [Walks away]

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[Ian pulse checks an unresponsive Frank on the couch] Is he dead?

Faint pulse. Hypoxic.

High what?

Barely breathing.

What’s that smell?

Grampy went tinkle in his pants.

Debbie

Ugh, damn it. Not on the new couch.

[Walks up] Hey, what’s goin’ on?

Frank OD’d again.

How much heroin did he do?

Kevin

Wow.

Tami

Oh. And he’s not dead?

Yet another disadvantage to decades of copious narcotics use.

Debbie

Should we, like, call the paramedics or something?

No, he’s done this before a bunch of times.

Liam

He may be trying to kill himself. He’s been depressed. The dementia’s getting bad.

Veronica

Hand me that syringe. [Ian hands her one and she pricks Frank's hand]

AAll

Ugh!

Sheesh.

Veronica

Unresponsive to pain.

Stroke?

Veronica

Or he’s already brain-dead. That happens with overdoses.

I guess it’s up to us to finish him off. Quick so*t to the head, dump his body in the lake. I don’t think anybody’s gonna miss him. What? We’d just be helpin’ Mr. Fuckup finish the job.

HHeidi

You could pillow him. That’s what my dad did to my grandpa so we could sell his double-wide. Couldn’t afford his oxygen refills anymore.

Tami

Who is that?

Debbie’s got a new friend.

HHeidi

Hey, you check his pockets, see if he got any money on him?

Trust me, he doesn’t.