Carl Gallagher quotes from Shameless

Carl

[Walks up to her] Sergeant Stamps.

Need you to apologize to Mr. McManus, Carl.

Carl

That the guy with the "Merce-Benz"?

He's filing a brutality claim against you.

Carl

Me?! What?! Why?!

I'm gonna go with door number two... slamming the guy against his car.

This can all go away. Say a few words, "I'm sorry," blah, blah, blah.

Carl

Seriously?

Most likely, he'll drop the claim. It'll save the department K.

Carl

So what? Every time someone complains, we just apologize and it goes away?

If the person's a rich a-hole with an attorney.

[Chuckles] Ready?

You got this, Carl.

[Carls walks up to Stamps with McManus] Mr. McManus, Officer Gallagher has something to say to you.

Excuse me if I don't, uh, do a jig. I got two dislocated discs in my neck, thanks to you.

Carl

I'm very sorry about that, sir. I was out of line, and it won't happen again. Well, I hope we can all put this behind us.

Officer Gallagher, you may go back to work now.

Carl

Thank you, ma'am. [Walks away]

That's it? You're gonna let him get off that easily?

Gallagher, hold up.

I'm a victim here.

Carl

Yes. Yes, you are, sir.

I was simply double-parked in front of my building, and you slammed my body up against my car.

Carl

I'm sorry about that.

[Sighs] Well, now I know how every Black person in America feels.

Carl

Did you actually just say that?

Say what?

Carl

That you, a privileged piece of shit who evicts people from their apartments can relate to how Black people feel, who are literally m*rder*d at the hands of the police department?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do relate to them.

Carl

No, stop. I was fine apologizing to your entitled ass to make this all go away, but I can't play this game anymore. I spent the last few months trying to figure out what kind of cop I wanna be, and I'll say this...

I haven't met a lot of good role models here. Why don't we regroup and...

Carl

...but this jagoff made me realize what kind of cop I wanna be now.

I'm not sure you'll have much of a choice at this point.

Carl

I wanna be the type a cop who stands up for those who don't have a voice... The lost, the forgotten. They deserve a fair share, even if that means rich pricks like you, Mr. McManus, have to pay the price in order to re-balance the scales of justice. So, with that being said, I take my apology back.

Mm-hmm. I'll see you in court, dickwad. [Walks away]

[Softly] Gallagher.

Last piece of pound cake! Goin' once, goin' twice, sold to Arthur Tipping!

Frank

We’re not doing this, telling you what happened on Shameless last week anymore. We’re sick of it.

Lip

Yeah, we quit.

Debbie

It’s over.

Ian

Just not doin’ it.

Carl

It insults your intelligence.

Veronica

They don’t pay us enough.

Kevin

What, they pay you guys for this?

Frank

[They all turn heads to Kevin] Yeah. You don’t get paid?

Debbie

Are you kidding?

Ian

Of course.

Kevin

Well, fuck me! [They all snicker]

Mickey

[Ian pulse checks an unresponsive Frank on the couch] Is he dead?

Ian

Faint pulse. Hypoxic.

Kevin

High what?

Veronica

Barely breathing.

Debbie

What’s that smell?

Grampy went tinkle in his pants.

Debbie

Ugh, damn it. Not on the new couch.

Carl

[Walks up] Hey, what’s goin’ on?

Ian

Frank OD’d again.

Carl

How much heroin did he do?

Kevin

Wow.

Tami

Oh. And he’s not dead?

Lip

Yet another disadvantage to decades of copious narcotics use.

Debbie

Should we, like, call the paramedics or something?

Lip

No, he’s done this before a bunch of times.

Liam

He may be trying to kill himself. He’s been depressed. The dementia’s getting bad.

Veronica

Hand me that syringe. [Ian hands her one and she pricks Frank's hand]

Ugh!

Mickey

Sheesh.

Veronica

Unresponsive to pain.

Ian

Stroke?

Veronica

Or he’s already brain-dead. That happens with overdoses.

Mickey

I guess it’s up to us to finish him off. Quick so*t to the head, dump his body in the lake. I don’t think anybody’s gonna miss him. What? We’d just be helpin’ Mr. Fuckup finish the job.

You could pillow him. That’s what my dad did to my grandpa so we could sell his double-wide. Couldn’t afford his oxygen refills anymore.

Tami

Who is that?

Lip

Debbie’s got a new friend.

Hey, you check his pockets, see if he got any money on him?

Carl

Trust me, he doesn’t.