TV show quotes
Well, Salem... your temperature is alarmingly high
[surprised] I'm really sick?
Yes, and that can only mean one thing...
More attention and sympathy?
[grins] A nice cold bath!
[Hilda points and a kitty bath appears on the table with ice cubes floating in it]
What?! [quickly] I’m feeling better! [Hilda picks him up as the scene switches to an exterior shot of the house] I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!
Now there’s something you should know about Dr. Brickman-
[a seven-year-old in a doctor's coat enters, reading a clipboard]
Hello, I’m Dr. Brickman.
[to Zelda, sarcastic] Let me guess, he has cold hands?
Don’t worry, he performed his first operation at two.
I even supervised my own birth - I’m a complete professional.
Aren’t you trespassing on government property?
No, I’m here to inform you that you can expect a very big Witch Exam sometime soon.
It doesn’t involve changing the earth’s orbit, does it? Because the last time I tried that, a little thing called El Nino happened.
Well, I can’t tell you when, but I can tell you where.
[Mr. Kraft walks towards them, writing in a clipboard]
[to himself] Oh boy, I don’t know why they can’t just accept the misery that should be their lives... [Quizmaster snaps his fingers] Class trip to Florida!
[delighted] We’re going to Disneyworld!
[the students cheer with her]
[on laptop] I’m so happy, I could plotz!
Not on the kitchen table.
You can say goodbye to this furry little punim!
Salem, what’s with all the Yiddish? Are you going into show business?
I’m online with a camel in Jerusalem who used to be an Amway salesman.
Why did the Witches' Council turn him into a camel?
He used to be an Amway salesman. Anywho... He was wandering through the desert, when he found a scroll that said witches like me can be turned back into their former selves, if they’re kissed by someone who loves them.
Why can’t you just play Solitaire like regular cats?
One little kiss and I can once again be a man! I’ll no longer be a schlemiel!
Salem, don’t trust chat rooms.
Besides, you little yutz, who’re you going to get to kiss you?
Pucker up.
If I helped turn you into a man, the Witches' Council will turn me into a cat. What a sad, pathetic existence that would be...
Moving on... I love ya Zelda!
I love you, too... [kisses her finger and places it on his head] ...But I’m not in love with you.
Oh, Sabrina...
Not until you find a new way of grooming yourself.
Mean! There must be somebody out there who’s not so stingy with kisses! [Hilda conjures up a Boxer dog, who immediately starts slobbering over him] Oh lord, he’s got toilet-water breath! [sobs]
Freeze!
As if we can do anything ELSE in this weather...
Before I let you go, I have to ask you a few questions about the Mortal Realm to prove you live there - standard procedure
Fire away! I DO have three P.h.D's!!
What are the names of the Hanson brothers?
Who??
Isaac, Zachary and Taylor
What actor from Marcus Wellby just married Barbara Streisand?
Ooh, ooh... Robert Young!
James Brolin
Sports. Who's the best ----
...Michael Jordan!
Correct, you can go!
Yes!! (Hi-fives Zelda, both attempt to leave)
(holding Zelda back) Oh, not you
But -- but, but...
You didn't answer one question, there's no WAY you live in the Mortal Realm
But I DO! I know who wrote Pride & Prejudice! I know who discovered the Uranium Isotope!
No one in the Mortal Realm knows those things!
(being dragged off by Mounty) HILDAAA!!!
I'll help you, Zelda! Go back to the bar and wait for me - you'll be okay! Tonight's ladies' night and... you'll be the only lady!
What’s the matter?
I got an "A+" in a really hard test and won a blue ribbon on my invention.
...Uh-huh. So, what’s the problem?
[upset] That! No one's excited!
Oh, honey... It’s just that, you get "A"s and win things so often, you can’t expect a parade every time.
How about one person walking by with a hearty "well done!"?
I, on the other hand, solved an ancient math problem, and the Other Realm scientist sat there like a group of mutes. Of course, now that they’re covered with smallpox, they might be livelier...
I’d just like one person to get a little keyed-up!
This Magic Book is useless, it shouldn’t take this long to find a quick fix!
What are you looking for?
Sabrina: When I go back to school, I want my good work acknowledged, but I haven’t found anything under awards, accolades, prizes... Not even lip service!
Check the recipe section. [Sabrina looks at him doubtfully] Just do it! Do it!
[Sabrina flips to the back of the book]
[confused] It’s just "desserts".
Exactly - That’s what you want, your Just Desserts.
[reads page] Oh, I see; "With one little bite of this Just Dessert, you’ll get the recognition your good work deserves..." Cool!
[Sabrina points at her desk and a large chocolate cake materialises]
Wow! You're lucky; when I was a witch, Just Deserts was a prune. [the linen closet doorbell rings, Sabrina gets up to answer] An old prune!
[singing] "S", because she’s so sublime,
"A", because she’s awesome all the time!
[singing] "B", because she’s the best babe in school,
"R", because she really makes me drool!
[singing] And "I" is for the icon she’s become,
"N" is ‘cause she’s great, she makes me numb!
[singing] and "A", it’s redundant to say,
is the great mark she gets everyday!
No matter how it’s spelled;
Sabrina is un-parra-lelled!
Sabrina,
Sabrina,
Sabrina,
Sabrina,
Sabrina,
Sabrina!
Sa!
Bri!
Na!
Okay, I know you're sad that you can't change Libby, but I have worse news: I have to go to the bathroom! Let's make the girl sneeze!
I have an idea. I'm betting that this leads to the sinuses.
And I hope that leads to a point.
Well, if we can just put an irritant into the sinuses, maybe we can make Libby sneeze. And since many people are allergic too... [grabs Salem]
NOOOOOO!!!!
Sabrina, what happened to Christmas?
Salem, you remember?
Whatever spell you enacted doesn't affect witch-familiars.
I enacted?
I'm guessing you must've done something at that party in the Other Realm.
All I did was turn off the TV and storm out.
That wouldn't do anything...Unless you used the remote and hit the "Erase" button.
I did use the remote and I might've hit "Erase".
[starts crying] Oh no! It's gone! You've erased Christmas! It was my favorite gift-getting holiday...
Sabrina, if you don't reverse the spell in 24 hours, Christmas will be erased permanently.
How do you know that?
Years ago, I was at a party in the Other Realm, and I erased Bobunk.
I've never heard of it.
That's my point! We didn't figure out how to reverse the spell, and Bobunk was gone forever. Ah, the days of Bobunk...
Salem, I've got to find a way to bring the spirit of Christmas back. Maybe if I start doing Christmas-y things, people will start to remember.
That didn't work with Bobunk.
Stop saying "Bobunk"!
Salem?
Salem [as Gordy] Man, standing rocks!
Well, that was really nice of you to ask Valerie out. Well, to get Gordy to ask Val- Well, whatever just happened was really nice.
I thought I might in service while I'm here. It's just my way of saying... [rubbing his head on Sabrina's shoulder] Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Sabrina [before being thrown to the lions during Rome's national anthem]: Hey, it's Roland and Salem!
Oh, thank Zeus!
I'm sorry I ducked out on you, [indicates Salem] but I had to talk Charlie Powermooger out of taking down Microsoft.
I thought I could resist power, [weeping] but I'm weeeeak! I'm sorry, Sabrina. I didn't want to hurt you; I just wanted to rule you! [Sabrina makes a weird face; Salem faces the Witch Judge] Your Honor, I'm ready to be a cat again.
Sabrina, once again, you dodged the bullet (Sabrina smiles) That´s the name of the lion, "Bullet"
Thank you guys! If you´re excuse me I think I´m gonna faint... (she faints)
[to Caligula] No! She doesn´t need mouth to mouth!
Another fifty years as a cat! By the time I work off this extra time, I'll be an old man!
Aww, many people are vital in their later years. Look at John Glenn.
YOU look at him!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sabrina, the Teenage Witch pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
