Sabrina Spellman quotes from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Unauthorized leave, upsetting a fellow recruit, De-activating your De-activator, feeding a canine officer a non-food substance.

Sabrina

Hey, he picked that fight, not me!

Oh yeah? That’s not what he said!

Sabrina

I’ve got to get this de-activator off.

Salem

I’ll pick it with my dew-claw. It’s essentially the same lock that’s on your diary

Valerie

You'll never guess who just asked me out? Kirk!

Sabrina

Should I still guess?

Valerie

I was just invited to a party.

Sabrina

At seven o’clock?

Valerie

Well, I wasn’t exactly invited, but people saw me hear about it and didn’t warn me to keep away. D’ya wanna come?

Sabrina

Gee, I’d love to, since they went to so much trouble not to ban us, but I can’t. I’m baby-sitting my little cousin.

Salem

FREEZE! Don’t squirt that perfume, unless you want to be a boy who gets beaten up!

Sabrina

Man, that was close!

Salem

It’s not enough to look like a dude, you have to start thinking like a dude. Have you picked a name yet?

Sabrina

Kirby?

Salem

We’re back to getting beaten up here...

Hilda

I am so glad. I hate flying during the holidays. The traffic getting back from the Universe is always vacuum to vacuum.

Sabrina

You mean Halloween might actually be fun this year? Not that Grandpa’s game of "Find My Teeth" isn’t without it’s charms...

Harvey

My Mom and Dad say I’ve got to take my little brother and his friends trick or treating.

Sabrina

You're kidding! Did they just spring this on you?

Harvey

Yeah! They just now reminded me that they told me about it two weeks ago.

Valerie

How do we get to be friends with those guys?

Sabrina

I think we’d have to fill out a form. Do you know what I’d say to Asher if he talked to me?

Valerie

What?

Sabrina

[weakly] Hello.

Valerie

That would take guts.

Oh Racine, I know you're unhappy, but it was fair. Now, Hilda and Zelda got the Magic Book, and you got what you chose: all my money.

Sabrina

They got all of great grandma’s money?

Hilda

Yep, and they bought a mansion and a jet, and several butlers...

Zelda

Don’t forget tiaras for Maw Maw.

Hilda

...And then, all the money was gone.

We didn’t just spend it, [proudly] we invested some of it!

Yeah, who knew chihuahua racing wouldn’t take off.

Hilda

Uh, everyone?

Zelda

It's not funny, Salem.

Sabrina

[walks into the kitchen] Good morning. [screams at her first look at Salem, startling Zelda, while Salem keeps laughing] Why did Salem startle me?

Zelda

It's Friday the 13th, the day that black witch cats have the power to scare the living daylights out of people.

Salem

You should've seen your face! [wheezing with laughter] I gotta stop laughing or milk's gonna come out of my nose! Oh, here comes Hilda, act normal. [Hilda walks in, reading the newspaper] Uh, good morning, Hilda. [Hilda gets scared just as Sabrina did; Salem laughs more]

Hilda

Aww, Happy Friday the 13th, Salem.

Sabrina

Aunt Hilda, a bat just flew out of your mouth.

Hilda

Oh, how embarrassing. I have "bat breath" again.

Zelda

Have you been eating pomegrantes?

Hilda

Well, I know they don't agree with me, but I had just such a craving for that juicy crimson pulp...

Sabrina

Why didn't you guys tell me that there's a rule that on Friday the 13th I can tell a mortal I'm a witch?

Hilda

Oh, the one where you can tell anyone you want and they can know for a whole twenty-four hours?

Sabrina

Yes.

Zelda

We didn't want you to know.

Sabrina

So I can’t decide whether to shoot for (a) The computer and the mountain bike, (b) The computer and the ski jacket or, (c) All of the above.

Harvey

Boy, I’d hate to be there if you got a savings bond...

Libby

Hi Harvey.

Harvey

Hey Libby, got any plans for the holidays?

Libby

Like it matters; I hate Christmas.

Harvey

What’s your take on Kwanzaa?

Libby

I usually like all the presents, but this year I have to be around my bratty step-brother, Russell.

Harvey

[surprised] Really? Your family has a brat in it?

Libby

Colours with my lipstick, drips chocolate on my stuff and he can cry on cue... [notices Sabrina] What’s your problem, Freak? Hoping Santa will give you a personality this year? [walks off]

Sabrina

And a crossbow!

Zelda

We have a problem, our niece Sabrina has a case of Egotitis.

Yeah? That’s not your only problem...

Hilda

It isn’t?

Nah - You’ve got one sorry looking Christmas tree.

Sabrina

It looked better with presents.