Jerry Lawler quotes from Royal Rumble

[on #20, "Double J" Jesse James] The guy's a promising young singer, I wish he'd promise to stop singing.

Look at the idiots that are in this ring right now: Chainsaw, Mosh, Cactus Jack. I feel like calling Unsolved Mysteries and saying, "hey, I found everybody."

[as Viscera enters the Rumble, facing Rikishi] This is the old unstoppable meeting the immovable, and they're both unliftable.

I can usually read a woman like a book—I prefer the Braille edition—but Mickie James, I can't get a read on her at all.

Rey Mysterio drew #2, looked up in the skies, the heavens, and said, "Eddie, you got me." Maybe Eddie just wanted to watch Rey for a long time tonight.

[on Vickie Guerrero] She's quite enamored with Dolph Ziggler. Unfortunately, he's already found the love of his life; too bad he can't marry himself.

Every time I see Braun Strowman, I wonder where he parked his blue ox.

Can you believe this? The Heartbreak Kid drew #1! Well, you can bet Shawn Michaels won't be going to WrestleMania as the #1 contender. Michaels fooled everybody on the Action Zone earlier on—Michaels acted like he was proud of his number. It's the luck of the draw, and Shawn Michaels very unlucky here tonight at the Royal Rumble, and Michaels better get all the glory he can right now. [As Shawn dances off his gear in the ring] Oh, please, give me a break.

Let me just tell you this, McMahon. He loves being the #1 draw because of what he's doing right now. It means that it's just all that much longer he gets to strut his stuff in front of Pamela Anderson. But don't get your hopes up, Shawn. She might accompany him to WrestleMania, but she'll be accompanying me tonight.

[on entry #5, Jimmy Del Ray] I like this guy. I like him.

You like him?

Yes.

Well, is he gonna win the Rumble?

I don't like him that much.

Who do... you don't like him that much.

I told you I've already gone on record, I started... I did wanna change my prediction. I went on record as predicting Shawn Michaels, but when I saw he drew #1, I thought about changing it.

To whom? Who would you choose?

I'll tell you later.

Is Dink in there?

Of course not. You would see him, wouldn't you?

No, you can't see him. He gets lost in shag carpet.

Look at Luke the Bushwhacker—he's heading back already, but he stayed longer than he was in in 1991. He only lasted 4.9 seconds then.

What, have you got a stopwatch on?

Yeah, look at this. See Mickey's hand?

[#16 is Mo] Oh no. It's Mo.

It's Mo from Men on a Mission. [Mo enters the ring, charges King Kong Bundy, and gets backdropped over the top to the floor, getting eliminated]

WHOO HOO HOO! WHOO HOO HOO! Look at my watch! Mo was on a mission, wasn't he? He just broke Luke's record! Ha ha ha ha! What did he last? One second?

One of these men that you're looking at right now, one of them, and only one, will go to WrestleMania and face the WWF Champion, whomever he may be, and being escorted by Pamela Anderson.

Woo, yeah!

And she is impressed, unquestionably...

Look, she waved at me! Wink at me, baby!

She wasn't winking at you.

Yes, she was.

And you don't have a date with her either.

She loves me. I do! I'm telling you I do. I'll tell you all about it, maybe.

Shawn Michaels and Crush, they're my picks...and Lex Luger.

Make up your mind. Only one man can win.

Last year, two won.

Yeah, that was the first time that ever happened; I would suggest the only time it'll ever happen. Never again will two men go out at the same time, and have their feet touch the floor at the very same time with both feet. I don't think that'll ever happen.

I can't believe we're back where we started!

Never before have the first two individuals who have entered the Rumble lasted to the last two! And Michaels just... Can you believe that? Davey Boy kicked him back into the ring.

You gotta keep your feet on the mat, Shawn.

He's outta here, see ya! [Bulldog swings Michaels back into the ring] And again, though, Davey Boy, the momentum bringing Shawn Michaels back in...[Bulldog clotheslines Michaels over the top rope, seemingly winning the Rumble] Forget about it! Forget about it! Michaels has been eliminated! Yes! Yes, it finally has happened! [Bulldog's music plays] It finally has happened! The British Bulldog will go to WrestleMania and face the WWF... [As Bulldog celebrates in the corner, Michaels nails him from behind, sending him over and onto the floor, winning the Rumble] Wait a minute.

What's the deal?

Wait just a minute!

My prediction is true! They're saying that Shawn Michaels has won the Royal Rumble!

Michaels was eliminated by the British Bulldog! Let's go to the announcer to clear it up.

Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has informed me that only one of Shawn Michaels' feet hit the floor.

What?

[cont'd] Therefore, the winner of the 1995 WWF Royal Rumble: The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels!

Wait a minute, we have a replay. We're told we have a replay. Shawn Michaels, ladies and gentlemen, has won this thing. I can't believe it. Let's go to the replay, let's take a look. [The slow-motion replay from the side shows the British Bulldog clotheslining Michaels out of the ring] Well, there it is, right there, the clothesline, he goes over. He's on the apron, he's hanging onto the ropes, and he's... he's... [Michaels holds onto the ropes, flailing his left leg from one side to the other, only allowing his right foot to touch the floor, which referees Tim White and Earl Hebner see]

One.

One foot, one foot.

[as Michaels finally rests his left leg on the ring, both referees call off the announcement. Michaels rolls back in] Look at that! Whoa, whoa!

One foot. One...foot!

There it is! Two referees! Not one, but two referees.

All right, let's go back, ladies and gentlemen. There you have it! Shawn Michaels, being escorted by Pamela Anderson. And Pamela Anderson will lead Shawn Michaels into the ring at WrestleMania!

She is almost as happy right now as she's gonna look with me later on. Look at her. Well, see? She's gonna have some explaining to do to me later on.

Shawn Michaels, ladies and gentlemen. But Pamela Anderson, she doesn't know what quite to make of Shawn Michaels, her boy toy. She wants to get out of there. Nonetheless, she will escort Shawn Michaels to WrestleMania, and Michaels will face the champion! Can you believe this? Michaels, the first man in, and the last man standing.