Michael Cole quotes from Royal Rumble

Who's gonna enter at #20? I think I know. I got a hunch. I got a hunch. [Buzzer sounds, Nickelback's "Burn It to the Ground" plays, and Michael Cole is revealed as #20. He immediately undresses, revealing his orange singlet] YES! YES! YES!

Oh, tell me this is not so. Tell me that Michael Cole is not entering...

What the hell you doing? You're not in the Rumble!

Keep your pants on, nobody wants to see... just get in there!

Look at Cole avoiding any contact with anybody.

Look at his stomach. I mean, he looks like he's been eating donuts all month.

That's the way he works out. [Buzzer sounds for #21] Somebody get in there and get him.

Don't that just break your... [A cackle is heard and Michael Cole is instantly afraid] ohhhh....

WHAT?! Wait a minute there, am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?

[as #21, Kharma, walks to the ring] Aww, wait a minute!

[laughing] Kharma!

King, check this out. This is only the third time something like this has ever happened. Kharma is about to break somebody off a little something proper-like, dawg!

Oh, I hope she goes right after Cole!

I hope she just eat him like a piece of chicken!

Michael Cole is already crying, I see tears running down... [Kharma clotheslines Michael] Oh, yes! She knocked his headgear right off!

She's looking at that boy like a chicken bone! She's fixing to eat!

Oh, look at Cole.

King, come on.

Cole, you okay?

You guys just cost me my spot at WrestleMania! I was gonna win the thing!

Trying to help you out, dog.

I didn't wanna touch a woman, that was why I climbed over the top rope!

No, they didn't hit. The referee's right there; his feet did not hit the floor. This match continues.

[as Jericho gets back onto the ring] Once again, Jericho teeters and holds on for dear life.

Oh, Brogue Kick!

Oh my goodness!

Sheamus is going to WrestleMania!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble: Sheamus!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Great White is gonna be on the prowl on South Beach! Sheamus is going to WrestleMania!

I stand before you all alone in the spotlight, exactly where I belong. And tonight, when this Royal Rumble match comes to a close, it's gonna be exactly the same—me standing in the middle of this ring all by myself as the winner of the Royal Rumble match!

Only twice in history has someone won from the #1 spot. Only twice in history...

And I don't even care who #2 is, so just send him out already.

Well, only twice in history has someone won from the #2 position. The question is, who will be the man to start the Rumble match against Dolph Ziggler?

BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!

Oh, my!

[on entry #9] It is the Harvard Law School graduate, David Otunga.

All right! Jennifer Hudson's husband!

Otunga entering his third Royal Rumble match. All three of us here at ringside have been part of the Royal Rumble match. John, you've actually been in five in your career; one year, you lasted nearly 36 minutes, as Otunga goes right after Goldust.

You'd been in one, hadn't you, Michael?

Yeah, last year, I lasted...

How long did you last?

Almost two minutes.

Did anybody last less than you?

Yes.

Who?

Jerry "The King" Lawler.

How long did he last?

Less than a minute.

You lasted longer than Jerry Lawler?

Yes.

Wow. Did you beat him at WrestleMania too?

Yes.

Hey, listen. I've stopped listening, you can stop talking.

Kofi just landed on Tensai's back! Kofi's still alive!

Wait a minute, Kofi's not disqualified!

No, Kofi's still alive. [Tensai puts Kofi Kingston on the Spanish announce table] Kofi didn't hit the floor. Tensai...they gotta get Tensai out of here.

Oh, he's in a predicated now because Kofi's not been eliminated. But how the hell can Kofi Kingston get back to the ring? It's impossible.

He's like a bird when the world's on fire! Where do you land?! [Kingston is now standing on the table, considering jumping to the ring] What's he gonna do now?

What did they use to do in Star Trek, teleport themselves? That's what Kofi'd better try to do here.

Jump! Jump, Carl Lewis, jump for it!

I don't think there's anybody that's gonna beam...

He's gonna try! Jump for it!

...beam him all the way into the ring.

[to JBL] The chair!

For what?

Come on, just give me your chair!

Chair for what?

Come on, just give him your chair. He wants it.

[getting up] I gotta see this. I've gotta see this. [JBL hands his chair to Kingston] I gotta see this! I gotta see this! This is gonna be good! I don't know what he's gonna do!

Meanwhile, high drama, high drama building ringside.

[as Kingston stands on the chair] This is unbelievable!

Kofi's not been eliminated. Kingston is still alive.

I love it!

Look at the referees staring Kofi down.

This is awesome! This is incredible!

He's using the chair like a pogo stick!

I get an assist!

Kofi Kingston, give the assist to Bradshaw...

That's the craziest thing I've ever seen!

I can't believe it!

Kofi's safe.

Kofi's still in the Rumble! Now give me my chair back!

Oh, whoa-whoa-whoa...

Ryback eliminated!

HE'S GONE! HE'S GONE!

John Cena is going to WrestleMania!

The winner of the Royal Rumble: John Cena!

John Cena has done it!

The 10-time WWE Champion is going back to the dance, to the main stage, to the grandest of them all, WrestleMania!

John Cena has made history tonight. John Cena becomes only the fourth man to win two Royal Rumble matches.

There was Austin, there was Shawn Michaels, there was Hogan, and now there's Cena!

I think we are gonna see the most electrifying move in all of sports!

Look at the people! Look at the people!

That's because it's the People's Elbow!

What's happening?

What the... who the hell?! Wait a minute! Someone's destroying our announce table! Who the hell is that?! They're attacking Rock! Holy cow, King! King, look at who that is! Oh, my God, it's The Shield!

No!

The Shield! The Shield! That was The Shield! And they just triple-powerbombed Rock through the table! [The lights come back on, revealing The Rock laid out on the dismantled announce table, CM Punk lying in the ring] Ladies and gentlemen, th...King, that was The Shield!

The referee didn't see it! The referee doesn't see it! He has no idea The Shield did that! He's got no idea!

[referee Mike] Chioda, that was The Shield!

Shut up, you stooge!

I think they did something to the referee too! I think The Shield did something to the referee!

It was The Shield! The Shield was out here, Punk, and put the guy through the table!

Who?

The Shield, that's who!

I have nothing to do with The Shield!

Day 435 will be tomorrow for CM Punk! Admit it now, Michael! He's the best in the world!

The winner of this match and still WWE Champion: CM Punk!

This is absolutely horrendous!

It's all fair, Michael, in love and war! CM Punk is the best in the world! Now would you please acknowledge...

No, we're gonna acknowledge it.

How is that fair?! We watched The Shield, three feet away from us, walk out here and triple-bomb The Rock through a table!

Michael, I saw the exact same thing you saw! Michael Chioda, the referee, didn't see it! CM Punk is about to leave the Royal Rumble Champion!

So you're saying it's not cheating if you don't get caught.

That is ex...oh, you're one to talk, King!

Seems to me that, CM Punk, your celebration is over! I told you if The Shield got involved in your match-up, we would strip you of the Championship!

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, I know! I know, technically, we couldn't see The Shield involved, right? So that means we're all stupid, it wasn't The Shield? CM Punk, it is my duty as Chairman of the Board...

Oh boy. Yeah!

Oh, shut up, cheerleader.

Oh boy!

...to officially...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We ain't ending this night like that. You don't take it from him. I am. Restart the match now!

This match is over!

[after a few moments of deliberation] You heard the man, restart the match!

That's why The Rock's the People's Champion! Give the people what they want! Give them a conclusion!

This is vintage Rock!

Here it comes! Another People's Elbow! [Rock hits the Elbow on Punk] Yes!

What do you gotta do to beat this guy?!

Cover, hook of the leg. [Chioda counts to three] THE ROCK HAS DONE IT! THE ROCK HAS DONE IT! THE ROCK HAS DONE IT!

[over Cole] You're kidding me! You're kidding me!

The winner of this match...and NEW WWE Champion: The Rock!

The ten-year wait is over!

Unbelievable!

The Rock is again People's Champion!

Ten years, just like Muhammad Ali came back and won the World Championship, The Rock, the Great One!

[on Bray Wyatt's backwards crab walk] This freak needs an exorcist.

Yeah. Linda Blair.

She was not the Exorcist.

No, she was the one that needed to be exorcised. That was so long ago, I don't think anyone remembers. That was, like, the early 70s.

Kofi Kingston on the barricade. Kofi Kingston went over the top rope, guys, but remember he's not been eliminated.

That's right, Kofi Kingston's still in it.

Kofi Kingston has been a highlight reel of spectacular moves in the past...

Guys, guys, come on, he's a mile away from the ring.

He is that.

I know he's not out, but he might as well be.

Last year, he borrowed my chair.

What is Kofi gonna do here?

He'll do what he can do. What's he trying to do?

I don't think he can fly.

He can't fly. This is impossible.

Kofi King...

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

WHAT?!

Kofi Kingston just turned into Bob Beamon!

He's hopped on chairs, he's walked on his hands, he's used a human bridge.

Unbelievable!

[cont'd] He's leaped from the barricade to the ring. He's the Royal Rumble Highlight Reel!

Guys, I just said he can't fly, but I believe he can.

[after the buzzer sounds for entry #20] Los Matadores! Which one, though?

Diego and Fernando. And of course, [El Torito charges through their capes] they brought the bull. [El Torito charges to the ring] Hey, wait a minute! El Torito is in the Rumble?!

I think he is!