Booker quotes from Royal Rumble

[after John Laurinaitis ejects Vickie Guerrero from ringside] Remember, CM Punk defeated Jack Swagger a couple of weeks ago. With that victory, it ensured that Swagger and Guerrero would not be at ringside for this match-up. Great move by Laurinaitis.

I just think he's sucking up.

Here we go, Punk roll-up, shoulders down, and a kick-out. Sucking up? He followed the rules, Booker. I mean, give the man some credit for once in your life. What, did you have an issue back in the day of WCW with Johnny? That's why you're all upset with this man? Because he was a better worker than you? Because he was a better wrestler than you?

[clearly in disbelief] What? You gotta be kidding me.

I mean, come on now. John Laurinaitis is...he's awesome!

You're talking about a guy who has done nothing in this business, right?

Who, John? He was a world champion in Japan. That's what he was.

In Japan.da

Yes.

In the world of Japan.

Yeah, the world of Japan.

John Laurinaitis right now... I know you say he's got a lot of things on his plate, a lot of things to take care and be concerned with, but he's got his phone out, he's texting out here.

He just texted me to tell me what a wonderful job I'm doing tonight and how glad he is to have me calling the Rumble.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What the hell?

Alberto Del Rio's back! Alberto Del Rio, last year's Royal Rumble match winner, is back! [Car horn honks] Oh, this is gonna be awesome!

What is that?!

What the hell? We got an old 280 Datsun? 280ZX?

Hey, that's not Alberto Del Rio! Look!

Worth about $600.

[as the driver reveals himself to be...] Is that... is that Ricardo?!

I don't know, but his back window is a Hefty bag.

It's Del Rio's personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez.

And that's his car?!

Well, yeah, you know, he's...never been champion.

Wow, a vintage 1985 Datsun 280Z.

Kofi in trouble from the top rope.

He needs a little bit of help right now. Kofi needs a little help.

Yes, he does, and you know what? What would a Royal Rumble be without a little royalty?!

What the hell?!

[as Jerry removes his headset and sweatshirt] You've gotta be kidding me! What are you doing?!

You didn't tell me you was in it, King!

Where are you going?! This is ridiculous!

[as Jerry delivers big right hands to the Miz and Cody Rhodes] I mean, come on, now! How did Lawler-- Why is he in this matchup? Can you imagine Jerry Lawler main-eventing WrestleMania?

Yeah, I can imagine it! I can imagine him being the Champion, as well.

[Jerry lifts up the Miz] I'm sure you can, and look at Lawler and Miz, who have had a long-standing rivalry. [Jerry bodyslams the Miz]

BIG slam by the King! King dropping on it, baby! Drop the strap, that's what I want to see. [Jerry climbs to the middle turnbuckle]

Lawler has no business being in this match.

I want to see King drop the strap! I want to see him drop-- [Jerry removes his shoulder strap] Ohhh, here we go!

Come on!

[Jerry jumps and drops a fist on the Miz] Vintage King right there, baby!

Oh, now you're stealing my lines!

Who's gonna enter at #20? I think I know. I got a hunch. I got a hunch. [Buzzer sounds, Nickelback's "Burn It to the Ground" plays, and Michael Cole is revealed as #20. He immediately undresses, revealing his orange singlet] YES! YES! YES!

Oh, tell me this is not so. Tell me that Michael Cole is not entering...

What the hell you doing? You're not in the Rumble!

Keep your pants on, nobody wants to see... just get in there!

Look at Cole avoiding any contact with anybody.

Look at his stomach. I mean, he looks like he's been eating donuts all month.

That's the way he works out. [Buzzer sounds for #21] Somebody get in there and get him.

Don't that just break your... [A cackle is heard and Michael Cole is instantly afraid] ohhhh....

WHAT?! Wait a minute there, am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?

[as #21, Kharma, walks to the ring] Aww, wait a minute!

[laughing] Kharma!

King, check this out. This is only the third time something like this has ever happened. Kharma is about to break somebody off a little something proper-like, dawg!

Oh, I hope she goes right after Cole!

I hope she just eat him like a piece of chicken!

Michael Cole is already crying, I see tears running down... [Kharma clotheslines Michael] Oh, yes! She knocked his headgear right off!

She's looking at that boy like a chicken bone! She's fixing to eat!

Oh, look at Cole.

King, come on.

Cole, you okay?

You guys just cost me my spot at WrestleMania! I was gonna win the thing!

Trying to help you out, dog.

I didn't wanna touch a woman, that was why I climbed over the top rope!

No, they didn't hit. The referee's right there; his feet did not hit the floor. This match continues.

[as Jericho gets back onto the ring] Once again, Jericho teeters and holds on for dear life.

Oh, Brogue Kick!

Oh my goodness!

Sheamus is going to WrestleMania!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble: Sheamus!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Great White is gonna be on the prowl on South Beach! Sheamus is going to WrestleMania!

I don't want to hear anybody say anything about Brock Lesnar not defending titles, not spending any time, not wrestling when he needs to wrestle. This has been an incredible performance by Brock Lesnar, a career-defining performance here tonight.

And you're talking about the greatest combat sports athlete in history. NCAA champion, UFC Heavyweight Champion, multiple-time WWE Champion and Universal Champion...

[on the entrance of...] #16, Drew McIntyre.

I would add "soon-to-be Royal Rumble winner," but you got McIntyre staring a hole through the WWE Champion right now.

You know, McIntyre last year entered at the same spot, #16. He lasted over 20 minutes and came close to winning the event. McIntyre now locked eyes with Brock Lesnar.

[after entering the ring] Give it to me, Brock! What have you got for me?!

Oh, Ricochet with a low-blow to Lesnar! [McIntyre Claymore Kicks Lesnar out of the ring, eliminating him] Claymore Kick! Lesnar eliminated!

WHOA!!!

McIntyre eliminates Lesnar! Brock Lesnar lasted 26:23, but he was eliminated by a low-blow by Ricochet, payback for Monday night, and then McIntyre with a Claymore. Heyman's in disbelief.

[off the replay] A little teamwork, chalk up the assist to Ricochet. But boom, Claymore knocks the WWE Champion to the floor. This place is still in disbelief.

But an incredible performance, a record-tying performance by Lesnar. He eliminated 13 men tonight, tying the Royal Rumble record. Entered at #1, lasted 26:23.

[Roman Reigns is trying to eliminate Drew McIntyre] Reigns is going to eliminate McIntyre and win his second Rumble! Very few men have won more than one; Roman Reigns looking to join the elite here tonight.

[McIntyre holds on the top rope. Reigns eventually gives up and attempts a Spear] Wow, that's a lot of power by Dr- [Booker is cut off, as just as Roman is about to spear McIntyre, McIntyre suddenly delivers a Claymore Kick]

CLAYMORE! CLAYMORE BY McINTYRE! McINTYRE... [McIntyre throws Reigns out, winning the Rumble] WOW! DREW McINTYRE'S GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!

Here is your winner: Drew McIntyre!

All I can say is that it is about damn time!

Drew McIntyre has never had an opportunity at a WWE or Universal Championship. He's going to get his chance, after winning the Royal Rumble!

And there is a standing ovation at Minute Maid Park, and deservedly so. Over 40,000 fans standing in appreciation for Drew McIntyre! What an effort!