Jerry Lawler quotes from Royal Rumble

Day 435 will be tomorrow for CM Punk! Admit it now, Michael! He's the best in the world!

The winner of this match and still WWE Champion: CM Punk!

This is absolutely horrendous!

It's all fair, Michael, in love and war! CM Punk is the best in the world! Now would you please acknowledge...

No, we're gonna acknowledge it.

How is that fair?! We watched The Shield, three feet away from us, walk out here and triple-bomb The Rock through a table!

Michael, I saw the exact same thing you saw! Michael Chioda, the referee, didn't see it! CM Punk is about to leave the Royal Rumble Champion!

So you're saying it's not cheating if you don't get caught.

That is ex...oh, you're one to talk, King!

Seems to me that, CM Punk, your celebration is over! I told you if The Shield got involved in your match-up, we would strip you of the Championship!

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, I know! I know, technically, we couldn't see The Shield involved, right? So that means we're all stupid, it wasn't The Shield? CM Punk, it is my duty as Chairman of the Board...

Oh boy. Yeah!

Oh, shut up, cheerleader.

Oh boy!

...to officially...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We ain't ending this night like that. You don't take it from him. I am. Restart the match now!

This match is over!

[after a few moments of deliberation] You heard the man, restart the match!

That's why The Rock's the People's Champion! Give the people what they want! Give them a conclusion!

This is vintage Rock!

Here it comes! Another People's Elbow! [Rock hits the Elbow on Punk] Yes!

What do you gotta do to beat this guy?!

Cover, hook of the leg. [Chioda counts to three] THE ROCK HAS DONE IT! THE ROCK HAS DONE IT! THE ROCK HAS DONE IT!

[over Cole] You're kidding me! You're kidding me!

The winner of this match...and NEW WWE Champion: The Rock!

The ten-year wait is over!

Unbelievable!

The Rock is again People's Champion!

Ten years, just like Muhammad Ali came back and won the World Championship, The Rock, the Great One!

[on Bray Wyatt's backwards crab walk] This freak needs an exorcist.

Yeah. Linda Blair.

She was not the Exorcist.

No, she was the one that needed to be exorcised. That was so long ago, I don't think anyone remembers. That was, like, the early 70s.

Kofi Kingston on the barricade. Kofi Kingston went over the top rope, guys, but remember he's not been eliminated.

That's right, Kofi Kingston's still in it.

Kofi Kingston has been a highlight reel of spectacular moves in the past...

Guys, guys, come on, he's a mile away from the ring.

He is that.

I know he's not out, but he might as well be.

Last year, he borrowed my chair.

What is Kofi gonna do here?

He'll do what he can do. What's he trying to do?

I don't think he can fly.

He can't fly. This is impossible.

Kofi King...

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

WHAT?!

Kofi Kingston just turned into Bob Beamon!

He's hopped on chairs, he's walked on his hands, he's used a human bridge.

Unbelievable!

[cont'd] He's leaped from the barricade to the ring. He's the Royal Rumble Highlight Reel!

Guys, I just said he can't fly, but I believe he can.

[after the buzzer sounds for entry #20] Los Matadores! Which one, though?

Diego and Fernando. And of course, [El Torito charges through their capes] they brought the bull. [El Torito charges to the ring] Hey, wait a minute! El Torito is in the Rumble?!

I think he is!

JBL, you seem to know all your Royal Rumble facts. Has somebody won from every position of entering?

No, they haven't. #6, #7, #9, #10, there's a few spots that nobody has won.

You have way too much time on your hands.

It's called research, guys. It's what I do.

He knows Willie Nelson's middle name.

[on entry #3: Bubba Ray Dudley] OH MY!

WHAT?! Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!

Welcome home to Philly!

[as Bray Wyatt stands alone] Remember, Roman Reigns set the record last year—12 eliminations in a single Rumble.

[over Cole] Not a damn one of you's takin' it! Not a damn one of you's takin' it!

[cont'd] Bray Wyatt is at five.

All of you left, let's keep this Rumble going!

#10 will soon be on his way. What a performance so far, guys, by Bray Wyatt.

Just waiting.

It's only gonna take me about half a minute!

[on entry #18: Adam Rose, accompanied by his Rosebuds] First Royal Rumble. Three people had a 100% success rate in the Royal Rumble—Brock Lesnar, Big John Studd, and Mr. McMahon.

Lookit!

[as the Rosebuds carry Kingston around the corner] But Kofi's not on the ground. Kofi's not on the ground.

Thrown all the way over the top rope, [Rusev flings Rose into the ring] but caught by the Rosebuds.

Both feet have to hit the floor, [The Rosebuds prop Kingston onto the ring, then make their way back] and Kofi Kingston...

Those idiot Rosebuds! How stupid can they possibly be?!

Adam Rose eliminated by Rusev!

And no Rosebuds to catch him!

Where were the Rosebuds?! Where did they go?! What a bunch of goofs. You can't trust a guy that dresses up like a hot dog!

Like you said, Michael, what's gonna happen between Kane and Big Show when they get rid of Roman Reigns? [Big Show tries to push Kane out with Roman] There's what's gonna happen! Look!

Big Show, I think...I think he was trying to keep Kane in the match.

I don't think so. I think he was trying to eliminate Kane and Roman Reigns at the same time.

That's what Kane believes.

Here they go!

Haymakers landed by these two massive men. [Both grab each other by the neck near the ropes] This is a test of wills right here.

Hey, Roman Reigns! Roman Reigns!

He's got 'em! Can he do it?!

Eliminates both men! Eliminates Big Show and Kane! Roman Reigns!

Roman Reigns has won the Royal Rumble!

Roman Reigns is headed to WrestleMania!

Guys, guys, guys, Rusev's in this! Spear! Looking back, Rusev was never eliminated!

WHAT?!

Rusev is still in this match! Rusev entered at #15, and looking back at my notes...

I thought he was gone!

No, Rusev was never eliminated!

Well, wait a minute!

But now he is! Roman Reigns is going to WrestleMania!

Here is your winner: Roman Reigns!

We have witnessed the advent of Roman Reigns! Last year, he tasted it as runner-up; this year, he wins it!

[on Brock Lesnar watching in the locker room] That's the prize that awaits Roman Reigns—Brock Lesnar.

My name is Enzo Amore, and I am a certified G and a bona fide stud, and you can't teach that! And this right here?! This is Big Cass, and he's...

[continuing] ...seven foot tall, and you can't teach that!

And he is the #1 entry in the Royal Rumble Match, and you can't teach that! Bada boom, realest guys in the room! How you doin'!

If it were up to me, Enzo would be searching for Pee Wee Herman's bike in the basement of the Alamo right now.

[singing with crowd] The stars at night are big and bright deep in the heart...

..of Texas!

And there ain't no two stars shining brighter tonight than your boys Enzo and Big Cass! San Antonio, how you doin'!

King, I've had root canals I've enjoyed more than this.

Cass, I've got a question for you.

What's that, Zo?

Pretty much common knowledge, I think. What is it that they say about Texas?

Hmm, I think it goes something like this: everything is bigger in Texas!

You're darn skippy, Cass! Because tonight is the biggest Royal Rumble Match of all time, and it has some of the biggest names in the history of the Royal Rumble!

What kinda names we talking here, Zo?

[crowd shouts "how you doin'" after each name] Brock Lesnar, Braun Strowman, the Big Show, Goldberg, the Wyatt Family, the Undertaker. But I'll tell you what. None of that matters, 'cause Big Cass is entering this ring #1 like it's 1995 and he is HBK in his prime!

It doesn't matter if you're #2 or #30, 'cause the fact of the matter is this. When the dust settles, I will be the LAST man standing in that ring right there! Because I am winning the Royal Rumble Match, and I am going on to main-event WrestleMania.

Sounds pretty confident. Would that be your worst nightmare, Corey?

Yes.

And as for the 29 other men in this match, I will prove that there's only [crowd joins in] ONE WORD to describe you, and I'm gonna spell it out for ya! S-A-W-F-T!

SAWFT!

Wait a minute.

Well, I guess the WWE Universe has spoken. James Ellsworth has been all over social media lobbying for a spot in this match-up. And there's, I guess, his new girlfriend, Corey? Carmella?

Carmella's the best possible thing that could've happened to Ellsworth. Ellsworth's career has skyrocketed since these two came together.

This guy's a total waste of skin. How on Earth did he get a place in the Royal Rumble?

King, James Ellsworth has taken AJ Styles to the limit on multiple occasions.

You just like him because you two obviously share the same barber.

Zayn with a big Helluva Kick!

Caught him right in the jaw.

And now Corbin... [Baron Corbin clotheslines Braun Strowman out of the ring, eliminating him] ELIMINATES STROWMAN! CORBIN ELIMINATES STROWMAN! CORBIN ELIMINATES STROWMAN!

Michael Cole, you've been asking me for months: how do you stop Braun Strowman? You do it with a Lone Wolf!