Mark Healy quotes from Roseanne

Mark

God, everyone's so afraid I'm gonna make 'em sick, no one'll come near me. I feel like a leopard.

Darlene

Hey Mark, two plus two?

Mark

What?

Darlene

Yeah, I thought so.

Mark

Oh, ya think ya can stop me from seeing Becky, huh?

Dan

I think I can stop you from seeing tomorrow.

Roseanne

Me too!

Hey, is anybody home?

Darlene

Hey look, it's Joanie and Chachi.

Mark

How ya doin', little brother?

David

Fine, except thanks to you, now I'm related to my girlfriend.

So where's Mom?

Darlene

She's in the kitchen...with the knives.

Mark

Want me to go in there with you?

Darlene

With... THE KNIVES.

Mark

Dan, I think you and me should talk about this.

Dan

You're in my way. Are you going to move...or am I going to move you?

Mark

All right, I knew this was comin', so... we're too young, I'm not good enough for her, and I got no future.

Roseanne

Eyes on your own paper!

Mark

Look, you're just ticked off at me 'cause you think I made Becky marry me. Well, let me tell you somethin'. Becky doesn't do a damn thing she doesn't want to.

Roseanne

Okay, that's fair enough, she got married 'cause she wanted to. Well, she also wants to finish high school. And if she doesn't, I'm gonna know that that's because of you. And she also wants to go to college. And if she doesn't do that, then I'm gonna know that that's because of you.

Mark

Hey, I'm gonna take care of her, okay? So just back off.

Roseanne

Foolish boy. Oh-ho, you know nothing of my powers, do you? See, I'm not just some royal pain in your butt anymore. I'm your mother-in-law. You think I've made your life difficult so far? Well now I'm family, and you've seen the way I treat my family.

Shhh! Mark's reading.

Roseanne

Oh well, I hate to ruin the ending of it for ya, Mark, but he eats the Green Eggs and Ham.

Mark

I'm studying upstairs. [leaves in a huff]

Don't pick on him, Mom. He's really doing it this time. We've spent all day working together. I can't believe how much he's learned.

Roseanne

Well, does this mean that we'll have to stop spellin' stuff out that we don't want him to know about?

Roseanne

Hi, David. I found this, uh, pen, is it yours?

David

[scared] Um...no.

Roseanne

Oh, OK. Well, I'll be going then. ... Oh wait a minute, I forgot to shred the crap outta you two!

Darlene

Mom...

Roseanne

No, you're not talking. You're not talking for a very long time. And you better sit down, 'cause this is gonna take a while.

Mark

Hey, Dave-o.

David

Hey, Mark.

Mark

Man, I hate tests.

Darlene

Oh this one's different. When you're done with this one, you don't hand the nurse a plastic cup.

Trick or treat, trick or treat, give me something good to eat.

Mark

Hey, this is like deja vu all over again.

Buh-bye!

Bye! Happy Halloween!

Roseanne

Bye! [closes the door] Gee, I wish we had a daughter that sweet.

Dan

Just wasn't in the cards, honey.

Roseanne

Kinda scary talking to your old granny, huh?

Mark

I'm not afraid of you.

Roseanne

Give it time.