Dan Conner quotes from Roseanne

Dan

Hey! You can insult my wife and you can insult my children, but never badmouth my chili!

Dan

[forbidding Becky to see Johnny] I want you to get on the phone, you call the tongue bandit, and tell him you ain't goin' nowhere tonight.

Dan

(to Roseanne who is struggling with Empty Nest Syndrome) It's too bad that you can't accept the fact that people have to live their own lives. Just because a bird leaves the nest doesn't mean it's gonna get creamed by the Concorde.

Dan

Becky! Darlene! C'mon, We're going to the mall with Uncle Bert!

Dan

Yeah, hard to believe. Twelve years of high school and you go out and do something completely stupid.

Dan

(to Jackie) You're really gettin' on my nerves today, I mean more than usual.

Dan

Do you want a bike that sounds like Barry Manilow, or do you want one that sounds like... [starts the bike] ...Steppenwolf?

Dan

There's gonna be a 24-hour roller-coaster ride with Sybil at the switch.

Dan

(to Becky, DJ, Darlene, and Roseanne) Hi, Princess, Bud, Kitten, Margaret.

Dan

[to Kevin Morgan's father] Whoa, settle down or I'll give my wife a doughnut to kick YOUR butt.

Dan

If we leave right now and drive at the speed limit, we'll just miss the plane.

Dan

[Sitting behind Roseanne on the motorcycle] Wow...suddenly I feel like Ann-Margret in Kitten with a Whip.

Dan

Five, five, five, five, one--yes, it's a boy!

Dan

Just checking.

Dan

It was really weird. This commercial came on for cereal, talking about all the vitamins it has--B1, B6, B12. I turned around and she was gone.