Roseanne Conner quotes from Roseanne

Roseanne

[exasperated at Becky and Darlene's arguing] This is why some animals eat their young.

Roseanne

(to Darlene) What did I tell you about killing your brother in the living room?

Roseanne

[to Becky and Darlene] OK, there's only one way to solve this problem. Give me that pillow [takes pillow from Darlene] and give me that blanket, too.[takes blanket from Becky] All right, now turn around and face each other here. [the girls face each other]. Now I want you two to fight to the death.

Roseanne

Why must you mere mortals gamble with your own thoughts when you have the goddess of corn here to keep you from screwing up?

Roseanne

You know, Darlene, I have the feeling that you're going to have an even nicer pair of those someday.

Roseanne

(to Becky) We gotta wait for your dad to park the car. Then we gotta hear the Epic Saga.

Roseanne

Ya know, I love malls...you can live, die, and learn to play the organ, all under one roof!

Roseanne

[coming home from the grocery store while Dan, Darlene and D.J. play baseball] Get your popcorn, get your peanuts, get over here and help me with these damn bags!

Roseanne

You know, Becky, what you did is gonna make it to ZIT Magazine's Ten Most Vicious Teens!

Roseanne

Conner. C as in 'cat,' O as in 'oaf,' N as in 'numbskull,' N as in 'nitwit'...E as in...'empty-headed,' R as in 'target!'

Roseanne

(After hearing about the tornado watch), okay, eveybody duck and cover.

Roseanne

What's the worst that could happen? A tornado picks up our house and slams it down in a better neighborhood.

Roseanne

(To DJ) Don't bother your aunt Jackie when she's in the middle of a breakdown.

Roseanne

(After hearing loud bumping noise outside of the front door, scaring Crystal.) It's for you, Crystal!

Roseanne

Well, don't look at me. If we would have had sex like I wanted to, none of this would have happened.